Wow, I feel like you are describing my future in-laws to a T!!! I have been struggling with the behavior of my FI’s family from the moment we got engaged. I have always known we come from very different families, but the way his family is acting compared to how my family joyfully discusses and looks forward to the wedding is like night and day. While you can’t get my parents to shut up about it, you can’t even get FI’s parents to utter the word wedding.
I highly suspect this is due to a couple of things:
1) They do not want us to ask for their help, financially or otherwise. While traditionally the groom’s parents only cover rehearsal and a few other items, FI’s parents have made it clear that if they have to cover the rehearsal it is going to be a backyard bbq with hot dogs and paper plates. I understand they are not exactly in a position to help us, but it still stings when they so bluntly tell FI they will not be helping, especially because my parents let FI move in with us two years ago and have pretty much taken him under their wing, treat him like a son, and help him with whatever he needs. He now goes to my parents for problems, not his parents, which I know is a point of contention with his mother.
2) His mother does not understand what it takes to plan a wedding…which is odd because she’s been married three times. She thinks that I should have rented my wedding dress or found the cheapest white dress I could and that spending “more than $250 for a dress is ridiculous.” Additionally, she just thinks spending money on things like a photographer, DJ, photo booth, etc., is a waste of money. Her weddings were all small fares, the last being a backyard bbq with a keg, a white pleather suit she made herself, and hotdogs and hamburgers.
The day after we got engaged we went over to see his family, presumably to celebrate and it was just kind of sad. His mother said she would be making breakfast, but when we got there, she hadn’t made anything. His brother (who is basically my FI’s best friend) and SIL texted him while we were on our way to say that they “didn’t feel like” coming over to celebrate. When I arrived, his mother didn’t even mention the engagement at all. FI and I sat on the couch while his mother and step father talked about innane things for nearly an hour before FI finally asked his mother and sister if they wanted to see the ring. Only then did his mom acknowledge it, and it was only to look at it for three seconds and say, “Pretty,” before abruptly changing the subject again.
On Mother’s Day we went out and I tried to talk about the wedding one last time. I hadn’t seen or spoken to his mother since our engagement (she’s very flighty and hard to nail down for a conversation) and after she brought up the wedding, I excitedly told her about our plans. During this time, she changed the subject twice, interupted me at least four times, and then, finally, in the middle of a sentence, she left the room. After that I vowed never to talk to her about the wedding again.
So, OP, after my novel above, I just want to say I truly feel your pain. It’s very, very frustrating and while I would love to tell you I’ve mastered ways of coping, I haven’t. I still let it get to me sometimes and it’s very disappointing.