(Closed) The Silent Treatment

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

wow…600 people just on his list. what about the groom’s family and your friends. your guest list would top 750!!! are there churches/venues in your area that would hold that many people? has your dad offered to pay for the entire affair?

so first: is this cultural. I know Italian and Indian families tend to have very, very large weddings.

second: is your dad paying?  does he have any idea what a wedding of this size will cost?  Is he still thinking about prices from when he got married 25 years ago?

I bet that if you entertained his idea for a 750 person guest list, once he saw how difficult it would be to pull off, he would quickly change his mind.  could you ‘pretend’ change your mind and then present your dad with a budget?  how far out are you?  do you have time for this small charade?

I would tell my dad ok and then take him to a couple of vendor meetings….centerpieces, favors, food + beverage.  The only problem is that if he is cool to drop $100k on a wedding you are screwed and wont be able to go back and change your mind.  Are your parents still married?  Can your mom talk to him?

Wow…750 people…I dont even think I know 750 people…

Post # 4
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

W.O.W.That is quite a difference in visions!

 I’m sorry you’re having to go through this :(.  Maybe you or you and FI can get together with your dad and talk about a compromise? I guess I would just (gently) explain to him that you want this day to be shared with those people who are closest to you. 

Whatever you do, don’t cave. I did, but not in such an extreme fashion,and although I always wanted tobe married in front of my friends and family, suddenly there will be 300 people there (some of whom I don’t know).

If he is insistent, maybe you could have a second reception shortly after the wedding (that he could host and fund) for his 600 people? You wouldn’t have to have dinner, maybe just hire a DJ again, and have cocktails?

Be nice about it, but be persistent. Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

LMAO! 200 ppl is not a small wedding! and 600 ppl is ridiculous! sorry. he ll get over it, cant you invite like at least 100 of his friends and make your large wedding even bigger to 350? If your place is already booked and there is no other space in there, then shift around the guest list, like give him 20 spots… if not he ll come around…

 

Is your Dad paying for the wedding?

Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

no one knows 750 ppl! lol not even the President

Post # 7
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

our guest list is about 550 and it was HARD to find our venues—but once we did—we LOVED it!

Do you know the people on his guest list? Relatives? Distant relatives?  Have you ever met them?

Does your guest list overlaps with his at all??

and of course— who is paying. ahaha  If your dadfooted the bill–would you and FI be more inclined to widen your guest list?

Post # 8
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Your dad shouldn’t have started inviting people without talking to you first. He’s in the wrong here, not you, even if he is footing the bill! That said, give him some time before approaching him, and then see if you can work something out, maybe compromise and let him invite some of the people he was planning to, and perhaps cut back a bit on your side to make it work out.

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