Post # 1
My dad was really happy when FI and I got engaged, he was just about bursting with happiness and he’s not an emotional man. He’s very conservative and more on the aloof side, that’s just his personality. We’ve never been close and don’t have much in common but we can usually hold a conversation about random topics…current events, the weather, my car etc.
When FI and I started wedding planning we both agreed we wanted a small wedding and no more than 200 people. My dad apparently has been planning my wedding since I was born and his guest list, just his, was over 600 people. I had no idea he was so interested in my wedding and when he told me what he was envisioning I told him (and I think I was nice about it) that a wedding of that size just wasn’t something we wanted to do and while its lovely of him to want to celebrate with everyone he’s ever met in his entire life we wanted a smaller wedding…and already booked a venue that holds 225 max.
He hasn’t talked to me since. What do I do? How do I fix this?
Post # 3
wow…600 people just on his list. what about the groom’s family and your friends. your guest list would top 750!!! are there churches/venues in your area that would hold that many people? has your dad offered to pay for the entire affair?
so first: is this cultural. I know Italian and Indian families tend to have very, very large weddings.
second: is your dad paying? does he have any idea what a wedding of this size will cost? Is he still thinking about prices from when he got married 25 years ago?
I bet that if you entertained his idea for a 750 person guest list, once he saw how difficult it would be to pull off, he would quickly change his mind. could you ‘pretend’ change your mind and then present your dad with a budget? how far out are you? do you have time for this small charade?
I would tell my dad ok and then take him to a couple of vendor meetings….centerpieces, favors, food + beverage. The only problem is that if he is cool to drop $100k on a wedding you are screwed and wont be able to go back and change your mind. Are your parents still married? Can your mom talk to him?
Wow…750 people…I dont even think I know 750 people…
Post # 4
W.O.W.That is quite a difference in visions!
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this :(. Maybe you or you and FI can get together with your dad and talk about a compromise? I guess I would just (gently) explain to him that you want this day to be shared with those people who are closest to you.
Whatever you do, don’t cave. I did, but not in such an extreme fashion,and although I always wanted tobe married in front of my friends and family, suddenly there will be 300 people there (some of whom I don’t know).
If he is insistent, maybe you could have a second reception shortly after the wedding (that he could host and fund) for his 600 people? You wouldn’t have to have dinner, maybe just hire a DJ again, and have cocktails?
Be nice about it, but be persistent. Best of luck!
Post # 5
LMAO! 200 ppl is not a small wedding! and 600 ppl is ridiculous! sorry. he ll get over it, cant you invite like at least 100 of his friends and make your large wedding even bigger to 350? If your place is already booked and there is no other space in there, then shift around the guest list, like give him 20 spots… if not he ll come around…
Is your Dad paying for the wedding?
Post # 6
no one knows 750 ppl! lol not even the President
Post # 7
our guest list is about 550 and it was HARD to find our venues—but once we did—we LOVED it!
Do you know the people on his guest list? Relatives? Distant relatives? Have you ever met them?
Does your guest list overlaps with his at all??
and of course— who is paying. ahaha If your dadfooted the bill–would you and FI be more inclined to widen your guest list?
Post # 8
Your dad shouldn’t have started inviting people without talking to you first. He’s in the wrong here, not you, even if he is footing the bill! That said, give him some time before approaching him, and then see if you can work something out, maybe compromise and let him invite some of the people he was planning to, and perhaps cut back a bit on your side to make it work out.