The stigma of a pre-owned engagement ring

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Which would you buy?
    0.45ct, G colour, VVS1, PRE-OWNED : (172 votes)
    86 %
    0.52ct, K colour, I1 clarity, BRAND NEW : (28 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    6948 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @lavenderstone:  I wouldn’t care in the slightest that it was preowned. I would care VERY much about the color & clarity, so I’d be purchasing from you. 

    I mean, it’s a stone. It’s not a matress. She’s not going to get bedbugs from it or something. So silly. 

    Post # 4
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with him deciding to select a ring for his future wife rather than buy a ring that you decided that you didn’t want anymore.

    Post # 5
    1779 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1997

    @lavenderstone: diamonds are a billion years old, none are new LOL. I personally love vintage..have no problem with used jewelry.

    Post # 6
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think of it as a stigma but I admit, I’m superstitious.  So if I saw it in a pawn shop or eBay I would wonder why someone didn’t want it – divorce?  Down on their luck and had to sell it? Fiance left them?

    If it were a heirloom or came to me via family or friend that might be different.  If for instance I had a friend who upgraded and wanted to sell her ring but was still happy in her marriage and for some reason I needed a ring I’d be more inclined to buy that.

    DH and I actually discussed it because I love vintage styles but he’s also superstitious about it.

    Post # 7
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    That’s crazy! I would DEFINITELY have bought it from you!

    I can “get” the stigma if it’s an “ex ring” (your FI proposed to one of his exes or INTENDED to propose to one of his exes with it), but I can’t understand not wanting a pre-owned ring!

    Post # 8
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    Nope. It’s a ring. It’s a representation of love from one person to the other, regardless of its origins. Shoot, I’m wearing a ring handed down from my divorced FMIL. The history of the ring doesn’t affect how I feel about it or how I interpret the gift. It has become an heirloom at his point, sure, but I am still not the original owner. So what? It’s still the ring my fiancé wanted me to have as a representation of his commitment to me. 

    Post # 9
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Mr TTR & I are both Encores… so we’ve done this whole Diamond ERing dance before

    When we went looking for my ERing… we checked out a variety of sources… Chain Jewellery Stores – Family Jewellery Stores – Custom Jewellers – Artisan Jewellers – Heirloom / Estate Jewellers – and Gold & Diamond Resellers

    I was in pursuit of a “unique” setting.  I didn’t care so much where it came from.  IF I had found the right setting, then we would have done whatever made sense at the time for a Feature Diamond if one was required.

    I get the feeling that some people have in regards to NEW vs Used (anything) but in particular when it comes to an Engagement Ring.

    There is a HUGE difference for most between a Heirloom / Family Ring and a Used Ring that comes with an UNKNOWN History

    And yes, for many it is superstition… unless it is immediate family… a lot of people wouldn’t be comfortable for example with a Wedding Set that belonged to a couple that ended up getting a Divorce.  (Altho resetting the diamond, might make some of those “fears” go away)

    So to look at your Buddy’s Situation I say I get it.

    In the end, Mr TTR & I bought a ring we loved AS IS from a Family Jewellery Store.  It was a NEW Ring.  Sure I could have probably gotten a lot more bang for my buck if I had gone either with a Reseller or an Estate Piece… but first and foremost I didn’t find anything to my liking and I didn’t have to alter anything else… and the ring is all about us… it has no one else’s history.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… I have the Bridal Set from my First Marriage (which ended in a Divorce after 20 Years) I am thinking of giving it to my oldest child.  I am not tho 100% sure of what they’ll think about it when I give it to them.  Will they treasure / use them as is, or will they want to do a redesign and use the gold & diamonds for something else.  In reality, I cannot worry about it.  It is far better off as a piece of family history in their hands being used in some way (I would hope they wouldn’t sell or give them away… altho they could).  Still better than the situation they are in now… where they just sit endlessly in my Safety Deposit Box at the Bank.

    — — —

    PS.  I DID NOT VOTE – Because as I said for me (and I suspect for your Buddy too) it wasn’t just the Diamond… it was also about the Setting, whole ring.


    Post # 10
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I definitely wouldn’t mind a preowned stone! But I would prefer if I got to be in on the decision… Maybe that’s what he’s worried about? Some of the used diamonds/settings you can find for sale are unreal. The diamond you have sounds lovely.

    Post # 11
    3228 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1997

    Consider the number of people who trade in their rings on an anniversary (or whenever) and get something different. Those diamonds are not just discarded. They are polished, re-sent to GIA for a newly dated certificate, and resold as new. Likewise, a lot of gold on the market is traded for scrap value, melted and reworked into new jewelry. 

    If a person was superstitious about the ring, then the stone could be reset into another setting, but I wouldn’t have any issue with a “used” stone or ring for myself. 

    This is completely random, but over a year ago I saw a post on this site about how someone with a toilet aversion accidentally dropped her ring into the toilet bowl. She could not get over the associations with it, and within a week or two (within the time frame to exchange it) exchanged it for an identical ring in the store. I didn’t comment at the time, but who is to say that the ring she exchanged it for had not been dropped into something worse and then cleaned and exchanged? Her ring was surely polished and put back into the sales case, so someone else purchased the ring that that person couldn’t stomach wearing. My point is that we never know for sure what is “new” or not. Almost any ring or stone from any store or site could have been seen/considered/used by someone else.

    Post # 12
    8844 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I prefer pre-owned. Better deal and no environmental / social cost.

    Post # 13
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @lavenderstone:  I actually like the idea of a pre-owned stone/ring. I’ve never been into antique pieces in my home, as my decorative style is more toward contemporary/modern, but not because they’re used previously. I like the potential story behind it and being able to add my own! I know there’s the whole “what if it was divorce, etc.” stigma attached, but generally, I believe things happen for a reason and I like to think the previous ring owner is better off wherever they are without the ring at that point. So, if I happened upon a gorgeous ring at a great price, then it was meant to be, and I can infuse my story into it!

    Post # 14
    5482 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @lavenderstone: if a stone pre owned. In fact I prefer it as you can get more for your money!!!

    Post # 15
    1896 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I didn’t vote because those characteristics don’t define whether I like a ring or not. I would need pics to make a choice, but pre-owned would also not be a factor for me!  

    Post # 16
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    My only reason for not wanting a pre-owned ring is thinking that someone might have died wearing it.  That just freaks me out.  Totally a personal issue, though, and I would never judge anyone for having a pre-owned ring!

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