Post # 1
This is long…
I dated this guy for 1 year. He is not handsome, he was not great in bed. But I liked him…A LOT. He broke up with me.
I started dating Fiance. We have been together for 5 years. And every single time I see my EX my heart skips a beat! I can’t help it.
I LOVE Fiance. he is the most caring, the best in bed, everything for me. So why in hell do I feel like that about my ex?
When I hear he has a new Gf I want to cry and I kind of “stalk” him to see if he is sleeping at her house, doing fun stuff with her , you name it…
Do I feel like that because he broke up with me? What is wrong with me?
Post # 3
That’s strange. You should definitely reconcider your relationship with your Fiance.
Post # 4
@underwater: I think it’s because he broke up with you. Maybe that whole you want what you can’t have? Was he your first love?
Post # 5
@MrsPom: Yes, He was my first boyfriend ever. I had casual flings in the past, but he was the first serious relationship I had.
@baileyryan12: I LOVE my Fiance and can’t imagine my life without him… That is why this is so confusing to me.
Post # 6
you need closure. I think it may have ended bluntly and you never got it…
Post # 7
Poor Fiance. I think you need to break off with him and rethink why you can’t move into something healthy.
Post # 8
I was the same way with my ex. But it was because we were best friends for 10 years, it killed me when we broke up. But that was 4 years ago. I still go to his Facebook to see what he is up to, but by no means am i stalking him. I used to get jealous when i saw he got another girlfriend. But now i have totally moved on. I love my Fiance and I would never go back to my ex even if he begged.
But even after 5 years you have feelings for your ex, you really need to make sure your Fiance is the one for you.
Post # 9
@underwater: Hmmm. I definatly know there are some unresolved feelings there… so think about this, if you two got together right now would you be happy? You are on his hook still, so I would reevaluate your relationship with Fiance because there is something wrong.
Best of luck, I know sometimes facing these feelings head on is what it takes to get over it.
Post # 10
@underwater: I think if he was your first love it’s normal to feel strange when he’s dating someone new or maybe be taken back when you see him. I haven’t seen mine since before I started dating my now Darling Husband but I think if I saw him out I would get a pang just because he was someone special to me at one point… but I would never want to be with him. People of your past are in your past for a reason. I think sometimes you remember young love and you only remember the good things and you never think about the bad moments you guys had. I don’t think it’s normal to want to cry at the thought of him being with someone else though, is there a counselor or someone you could talk to with no judgement that can maybe help you clear up these feelings. Maybe you just need some closure.
Post # 11
I think it is normal to feel ‘different’ – maybe annoyed/slightly sad when an ex moves on – especially after they have dumped you, regardless of where you are at in your life, who you are with, etc. It is normal to feel, ‘why her, and not me?!’ even if you do not really want it to be you.
What strikes me as abnormal is driving by his house, or ‘stalking’ his situation!
I do not have any words of advice, other than remove yourself – as best you can from both situations and really think about where this is coming from, why, and ensure you are in the right relationship, etc. Good luck!
Post # 12
@lorie: I think it’s a bit early in the game to suggest breaking it off with her FI? I’d suggest, instead, that you really resolve your issues and feelings with the breakup of you and your ex. First serious relationships mean a lot to people, regardless of whether or not you actually Loved your ex- it’s a major life step, and if he broke up with you and you never felt closure, it can be a bit traumatic.
Maybe write out a goodbye letter to your ex, fold it up and seal it into an envelope, and then burn it/rip it up.
Post # 13
It could be nastalgia, or that puppy-dog feeling. Perhaps it is a territorial thing? You had him first? But crying over that isn’t something that should be happening when you are engaged to another man. If you’re crying because you are not over HIM or you want THAT relationship back, you need to reevaluate where you are now. If it is something more along the lines of “man, the good old days” because you have rose colored glasses when viewing the past, or you are insecure because you never understood why you were dumped, then you need to silently resolve that one in yourself, or perhaps have a brief, public converstation with the ex to understand the situtation better and to remind yourself why it ended (and why that is a GOOD thing—because it probably was). Sometimes its easy to forget the bad things of a past relationship and focus only on the fun times and the “butterflies” of young love. Those don’t exist anymore, and they ended for a reason. Don’t let your past consume your present or ruin your future with your FI! I agree with PP, try to write it down and burn it, a symbolic “release” that the past relationship has on you. If all else fails—a brief PUBLIC meeting may be in order to RESOLVE the issue, not revive the relationship! Good luck!
Post # 14
@underwater: he was your first bf and he broke up with you. this makes sense. you need closure. you have to accept the fact that he is done with you and you are done with him. you need to find a way to get over him b/c you will never, ever be able to give yourself completely to anyone else. that would be unfair to your current bf.
Post # 15
My opinion, it’s not healthy to stalk your ex. You’re driving yourself crazy each time you give in to temptation to find out more about him. He is your past. You need to move forward. If anything you should be feeling bad about how your Fiance would feel if he knew that you do that. Put FI’s feelings into all of this and then decipher how that makes you feel to realize what it would do to him. You really need to be with your Fiance not because you settled for a decent guy. You have to genuinely love him. He’s supposed to be your number 1 so decide if that’s a true statement and resolve your feelings. Sometimes people don’t get closure and that in itself is the actual closure to realize it’s just plainly over no matter what angle it’s looked at for the reasons why.
I will say this…if it’s not truly over for you, getting married would most likely be unwise and double the pain if you lost your marriage because of your feelings about your ex.
Post # 16
Oh and another thing…I don’t recommend contacting your ex because you may find yourself hoping for a response or reaction from him that you might not get and that might drive you BONKERS. Not only that but you may get zero…NO response or reaction from him and that’ll hurt too. Just plainly move beyond and past him because you need to see yourself as better than to need his existence to be known. He’ll always be special, but not in the same way. Learn to just wish him well.