Post # 1
DH’s cousin is having a baby shower in August. I have always, all my life, been generous. But I think it’s time to rethink my thinking. She sent me a mesage on FB just now:
“Hey, I’m having a co-ed shower so both you and DH are invited. You don’t have to bring a gift since I didn’t get you anything for your wedding”.
Is it really tit for tat? Part of me thinks “it’s for the baby, not her”. The other part of me thinks “Well, that’s fair. Why DIDN’T you give us anything?” (She wasn’t pregnant at the time so I don’t think she was saving her money for the baby that didn’t exist yet. She’s not married).
Just curious on thoughts the Bees have. We aren’t rich. And I know I’ll end up getting something small like a gift card at Babys R Us, but DH and I should really do more for ourselves rather than worrying about others all the time. Does that make sense?
What would you give her? Would you reply to her FB message or just say “Can’t wait!”
Post # 3
I would go to a store and buy a small something on sale. Not sure if they have things like TJ Max of Marshalls there but you can buy nice stuff really cheap there.
It isnt tit for tat and she is just trying to aleve her guilt for not getting something for you.
Plus if you show up empty handed others will think its strange even if she doesnt. I would be willing to bet people would say some bad stuff about it since they don’t know the back story. People like to judge and gossip as a general rule.
Post # 4
I would go for the “Can’t Wait!” I wouldn’t glorify the subject anymore. IMO, you’re right — IT’S FOR THE BABY. Don’t sink to a level of her. Don’t give more than what you can afford or what you’re comfortable with, but I would give something. A Babies R Us Gift Card — or something sincere and thoughtful on the cheaper side!
It seems so many things these days are TIT FOR TAT and it disgusts me! Close friends and family members I ALWAYS go overboard with baby buying. I LOVE IT SO MUCH! 🙂 :), but I don’t expect anyone to go overboard for me — and I’m sure FSIL won’t go overboard for our wedding gift, when I organized, through her shower and almost broke the bank because I fell in love with so much stuff… but that’s a completely different thread!
Post # 5
Yes, I would write back to the message and say something like “I was going to get your baby something regardless” and then get the baby something. I would never show up to a party/shower without anything in hand, even if that person didn’t give me anything.
Post # 6
I’m a little shocked she even mentioned not getting us anything for the wedding. (Yes, a thank you card was sent for attending).
I know it shouldn’t be tit for tat but DH and I were talking and he feels that we let ourselves get stepped on too much. He has been there for his family all his life and yet, dosen’t feel that they give a rat’s behind about him. I really feel badly for him.
Post # 7
Hmmm. That is strange. Some people just don’t have much of a sense of social decorum. I’d probably say “No that’s fine I wanted to get something for the baby” and buy diapers or something else baby exclusive.
Post # 8
I think she might be feeling guilty that she didn’t get you anything and wanted to address that. I to am extremely generous. I would get her whatever you want. The ball is totally in your court here. I would not go cheap if I were in your shoes, but I also, given her remarks, would not feel pressured toward extravagance. Best wishes however you go.
Post # 9
I agree with the other ladies I would get something on sale. Even if someone tells me not go get them something, I would never show up to a shower empty handed.
Post # 10
@Just_Squeeze: Im shocked that she would write that on facebook…she looks like a total ass now!
I would get the baby something. Maybe even write on her wall, “I wasnt going to get anything for you anyways, it was for the baby” *laugh* No, dont do that! but you know what I mean. Be the better person and like other people said dont go all out, just grab a a little something.
Post # 11
I think she is being honest and wants you to know that she she isnt expecting anything but still wants you and your partner to come. Who knows why she didnt get you a wedding gift but the fact that she remembered is a good sign to me. I would just not mention the gift part and give her the gift regardless
Post # 12
Ummm, that’s awkward! Yeah, I guess I would get something small.
Post # 13
@Just_Squeeze: Then that is a whole ‘nother issue that your husband should address with his whole family and is not going to be solved my not getting a present for only one member of the family, a member that isnt even born yet!
Post # 14
LOL. It was through private messaging.
I agree, everyone. I think she feels guilty and like @OhBeeHive84: I would also never show up to an event without a gift.
Post # 15
I also don’t think its getting stepped on if someone doesn’t give you a gift (but I am of the camp that I NEVER expect a gift from someone). I think I would give her a gift at whatever value you feel comfortable with, but I wouldn’t not get a gift, because it sounds like its just not in your nature, and I know if I were in your posiition I would feel bad going empty handed.
Post # 16
I would reply with “can’t wait” and buy something withing my budget for the baby. I feel just like you in that my SO and I are always going out of our way to buy gifts and do nice things for friends/family that never buy us gifts for our birthdays or whatever the ocasion is. Every year I say we’re not buying so and so a gift this tear but I always end up getting something small because that’s just how we are. We like to buy the gifts, and never expect anything in return.