Well, I have a different take… because I am a parent of a tween… Anyone will tell you that to successfully talk about ANYTHING with a tween you have to break it down into a series of mini-conversations. Partly because of their attention span, partly because of their level of maturity and party because it’s SUPER intense to have a huge conversation and even MORE intense if you have to do it looking at someone right in the face. So, I’ve never had THE talk with her. It has been a series of *age-approrpriate* conversations that started…. when she born practically.
Translation? I would NEVER have “the talk” and expect that it would be one conversation that answered all my questions and we each came out of it knowing exactly where we stand and where we go from here. I don’t think that’s realistic. I have some anxiety about that kind of stuff and big conversations freak me out. My FI knows he has to ease me in….. just like I ease in my daughter.
So, skype? Sure. It takes the pressure off. Email? MOST DEFINITELY…. just ask him when he can committ to a reply, so you know what to expect and then you can give him the space and freedome to reply. Talk in the car. Talk while cooking dinner together. Talk while you take a walk around the neighborhood together. Send him a yahoo article on whatever and ask what he thinks about it. Your goal is to GET INTO HIS MIND.
“that couple in that house are getting divorced because the guy has a gambling problem…. what are your thoughts on that?”
…while fixing a salad “I would love a salad spinner, but a good one is $60. What do you think is the amount of money one parter should ask for permission before spending?”
… while driving “my friend Sarah and her boyfriend just decided to stop seeing other people and be exclusive, when they’ve only been together for 3 months. what you do think about that?”
“This girl on the weddingbee just got pregnant after TTC for 5 years. How important is having kids to you in the future and what lengths would you go to in order to have one?”
These are all things you need to know about someone as you move toward building a future. But if you ask them all interview style…. well, that would be super hard for a lot of people to have. If you have a series of well-timed conversations with him over the next several months… you’ll find out all you need to know, but it will be more natural and comfortable for both of you.
DON’T talk when he’s agitated, wants to have sex or watching/playing *whatever it is he watches or plays* on TV.
I’m not sure what your email said…. but I think it’s easier to find out where his head is IN GENERAL, rather than specificially about you. Do you want to marry me? wouldn’t be a question I would ask. Do you see yourself being married? What do you want in a wife? What is your ideal engagement period? Those are questions that aren’t centered on YOU, but on what his thoughts are, which will make it EASIER for him to answer you honestly, without fear of hurting you. But you’ll still be able to figure out where YOU stand…. ie if he says, I want to be married within 2 years and I see a 1 year engagement, well you know a proposal is a year away. If he says I really don’t see myself getting married until I’m 50. Well, if YOUR goal is to marry and have children… this is not your guy.