(Closed) the thought of a wedding makes me sick…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee

counseling?

Post # 4
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you told FI this? I mean, does FI know you are fed up ? (I hear ya about the in-laws 🙁

HUGS

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hate to say it (cause I don’t know your whole situation…I did read your other post).  However, if you feel like running, and FI isn’t understanding or helpful about this situation now…maybe you should run.  I know you have been together for 5 years…but just remember…these are people you will have to deal with for the rest of your life…these are people who will be grandparents to your future children.  You will really have to weigh if you can take this for many years to come.  You have some serious soul searching to do.

Post # 6
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I have to agree with MzMarzipan. I read your other post as well, and if your FI isn’t backing you up on the way your FFIL is treating you, then you will have to decide if you’re ok with living with that for the rest of your life. It wouldn’t be fair to say right now, that you can live with it, marry him and then decide later that you can’t. It’s better to know now whether or not you’ll be able to put up with your FFIL’s lack of respect for you.

I wish you the best, but I think counseling may be in order for you and your FI. If he doesn’t want to go with you, then maybe you can go alone.

Post # 7
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just responded to your other post.  And I hope you guys can go see a counselor to sort things out before you walk away (or not).  You may be right, walking away might be the best thing to do, but after 5 years together you should try and talk it out. 

Post # 9
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@sandypie: Oh, I am soooooo sorry ! How dare he call you selfish? I just posted a poll about whether your man should always stand up for you and 97 % of bees say yes !

 

Post # 10
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper

In all honesty,you will be marrying the man………his family will be as involved in your lives as you let them. You CAN control how much interaction you have. If they, for whatever reason,have not managed to be nice to you in the past five years, they probably never will be. You can accept that it is what it is and move on together, or you can remove yourself from both him and his family altogether. Is that what you really want to do?

Many people (myself included) had less than stellar inlaw relationships, but it didn’t ruin my life, my marriage or my children’s lives. Its sort of sad they(my kids) have no relationship with my husband’s family, but they didn’t really miss what they never had. Life goes on.

If everything else in your relationship with your FI is wonderful, why would you give that up because of his family? HE can see them, but you don’t have to! It isn’t worth making yourself crazy over, as long as he knows where you stand. I don’t think that family should be a deal breaker.

Post # 11
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry that I didn’t fully read your other posts….

…but if anyone, even a bestfriend (let alone an anonymous poster), had any hesitance in their future marriage because their fiance wasn’t supportive of you, I would walk away.  Marriage is the most important (and hardest) commitment you will make, and it could only get harder.

It’s the joining of families – and even if In-Laws are the pits, if you don’t have the support of you FH, imagine what kind of issues will come up later on.

Get counseling or walk away from the engagement.

Post # 12
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@futuremrscrawford: I am heeding your advice for Sandypie for myself. I take it as a warning, because for now, FH is supportive of me, but the thought that things can escalate or get worse is scary.

Post # 13
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh honey – I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.  I just read your other post too and honestly – I will echo some other PP – it sounds like running may need to be something you consider.

The way your FFIL is behaving is utterly ridiculous and beyond even the most forgiving definition of rudeness.  But the big problem is how your FI is behaving.

If he is not standing up for you now, there is absolutely no reason to believe he will do it for you later.  You two are engaged and trying to begin a new family and it does not appear as though he realizes this.  It still seems to be all about “him.”  How on EARTH can you be selfish for feeling this way???  The fact that he said that is shocking to me.  The other thing is that I cannot believe he has allowed this rude and inappropriate behavior to continue for this long.  Has he ever been apologetic towards you about it?  If not, and it’s just something he expects you to put up with, then I would definitely say to run. 

*hugs* I’m so incredibly sorry; this sounds like an awful situation and I hope that you and your FI can pull through somehow – try counseling, try anything.  But don’t think for one second that you can control anyone’s behavior but your own.  You cannot control FFIL’s behavior and you cannot control FI’s behavior.

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