Weddingbee boards

So...while my boyfriend and I have talked often about our intent to marry and there isn't really any doubt that marriage is in our future, we haven't really talked about the "timeline" for engagement, wedding, etc. 

My boyfriend is really easy to talk to and just amazing all around but I just can't seem to bring it up. I think the communication issue is with me - as many, many, eons (lol) ago, my kids' dad and I were engaged but never married...he didn't want to and made me feel like I pressured him into even being together. I shouldn't let that affect my current relationship, but it does sometimes. 

Anyway, any ideas of how to bring up the timeline discussion and what to say? I planned to do it today but literally couldn't speak. I feel like I've temporarily misplaced all of my communication skills.

Help? :)

I was a little blunt in the end. I had skirted around it for a long time and eventually I just said - give me a timeline - I am going crazy and it's not fair. I got one - now just have to see if he sticks to it :-)

We always made little comments about "when we get married," etc., and one day after he did that, I said, "In all seriousness, can we talk about this for a moment? When would you like to be engaged/married?" It was really easy to segue into it, because he'd just brought it up, albeit jokingly ;) We came up with a general timeline of life events and when we'd like them to happen -- engagement, wedding, house, child, etc. So perhaps next time one of you makes a wedding or marriage comment, you can do it then. :) Good luck!

I just say it (and have broken down a couple times on bad days). It's much better to be diplomatic, but I really suck at that part! lol.

It sounds like your SO would have no problem with you asking outright. I say go for it and just ask him for a timeline!

You could always start with the old, "I see myself spending the rest of my life with you.." and see where that goes! That's basically how my boyfriend and I started to talk about our timeline. 

@kfiorita: LOL I'm sorry about that. Looks like you and your guy need to have a talk to straighten out some things like what the ring means to you or him.

To the OP, good luck! Don't worry about him feeling pressured, from what I understand this relationship is clearly different. I second PPs answers, and especially like the idea of asking where he wants to be in 3,5,x years (i will do that too!)

My boyfriend doesn't like planning things ahead of time, so it's trickier with him... I've tried asking him for a timeline but he just says something vague and gives me his mona lisa smile, lol. I know he'll propose 95% next year, so I'm not worried. But I do wish he gave me a timeline or just GIVE ME THAT DARN RING ALREADY! :) LOL

Good question. I would bring it up gradually over time. Mention small things here and there...like make comments about a wedding show, or a friend getting married. Say things like "you're the only one I want," "you're all I need," and "I can't see myself with anyone else." Then after a few weeks of bringing it up so it's not quite so taboo, and reassuring him that he's the one...ease into the conversation. Maybe ask him if he sees you together forever, if he ever thinks about marriage and having a family, and where he sees you two in 2, 3, 5 years. It's important to gauge the timeframe in his head, or at least to get him to think about how soon he'd feasibly be ready. Ask him if he's happy in your relationship and if he wants it to last forever. Tell him you hope to be married to him one day in the not too distant future.

One trick is to just tell him these things are on your mind, and he doesn't have to answer them right away but that you want him to think about it and you guys can talk once he's had a chance to give it some thought. This takes some of the pressure off.

Just a few ideas :) good luck!

These are all good ideas and I feel way more confident about bringing up the timeline talk :) Although I did yesterday, too, until I saw him and then I just felt nervous, which I know is silly.

I like the idea of asking where he sees us in x amount of years. Especially since I'm graduating in another 1 1/2 years - which I think adds to my need to know when he thinks we'll be married.

Perhaps I can wait until it comes up naturally again, he brings it up maybe every month or two. Of course, I would be thrilled to talk about it every day. The last time he brought it up was while we were rushing into the grocery store to grab some things for dinner. He caught me off guard and I couldn't say much - then when we got to the car, he said, "you don't want to marry me?" and I said, "of course I do! I just couldn't talk about it in the deli department. :)", then we discussed a few possible details but not a timeline.

I feel like if I had a timeline, even if it's longer than I am currently hoping for, I'll be more at ease and can relax patiently...

We knew we had planned on getting married, and we had both said we wanted kids around 30. So in bed one night we starting talking and I talked about our "timeline" and worked backwards. So we want to have kids around 30... say that  takes a year (including pregnancy hopefully)... and we'll probably be engaged for about a year give or take... and we were 27, so that means we should get engaged soon. Not totally romantic, but it worked for us. (We had a romantic actual proposal, it's just the talk that wasn't very romantic). After that talk, my fiance said he never actually thought about timing, but realized that's what he wanted too... Good luck!