Post # 1
Has anyone else had trouble with “the changing times”? We’ve gotten comments from both sets of parents (and grandparents!) about “things weren’t like this when we got married.” For example, “we just had cake and punch in the church fellowship hall” or “we would never have dreamed of spending that much on photography.” Are they just acknowledging that things are different now, or are they actually wanting us to have just cake and punch?? I’m not sure of the difference between complaining and wishful thinking. Regardless, it’s frustrating. Things ARE different now. I know the wedding industry makes money hand over fist, but we would really like to have a nice wedding. Unfortunately, it’s the kind of wedding that people expect now. We’re not asking them to pay for anything we’ve picked, so I’m not sure why I have to hear about “how things used to be.”
In general, I’m just getting tired of other people volunteering [negative] opinions about the wedding. Anybody out there feel the same?
Post # 3
For me, it’s not only that times have changed, but a wedding in New England costs SO much more than in a lot of other parts of the country. My mother is appalled that we’re spending $2k on amazing photography, and says that her friend’s son spent $300 on his wedding photographer….in Montana…in 1992. Yeah.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
Yeah, I’m sort of getting the same thing, but like JBelle, it’s more geographical. When we told the boy’s parents how much our budget was, they were appalled because their other two sons’ weddings cost less than half of ours.
But those two sons got married in the rural midwest, on free family property, no less. We live in Philadelphia, and we don’t have any family with land out here, so we have to pay for a site. Even without that, our catering is twice the price as theirs. But that’s what happens when you compare a major eastern city to West Bumblef*ck, Ohio.
Post # 5
Yeah but back when they were little Frankfurters were a nickle. 🙂
Seriously my grandma made something crazy like $5 a week when she was young. Inflation has changed some things, as have expectations and the fact women establish themselves in a career before getting married.
Post # 6
Mine is that they just didn’t get it at first. My parents had a huge bash of a wedding, my dad paid for it and it was like $4,000 and they had everything! I mentioned possibly not getting a videographer and he made the comment that they were only like $300.00, ummm no the cheapest I found was over 1000.00. He slowly realized that things are more expensive.
Post # 7
I know I can’t believe how expensive weddings are. Photography $7,000, videography $3,000, reception $45,000 it never stops 🙁
Post # 8
I guess my mom is the opposite – she regrets having just a small DIY wedding. And she’s not particularly frugal. My FILs kind of made the “we only spent X on our wedding” comment, but they go with the flow and respect our choices. Because most of our guests are coming from out of town, having a bit more of a wedding is also rather important.
I think the appropriate response to your family is to ask whether that’s what they want you to do. My guess is no. They do want you to have a full celebration. In the case of price I would show them photos and ask if they want person #1 (cheap, boring, classic) or #2 (amazing, interesting, memories for a lifetime). I bet they’ll pick the wonderful memories. They’ll complain less if you give them specific choices.
Post # 9
Oh yeah, I feel you!
The day my mom and I went dress shopping together, I asked her what our budget was, she said $200-300. And she also thought we could get a venue in Kansas City for a couple hundred dollars. I think she thought photography would be around $500 too.
I’m trying to keep things on the cheap end, but I think my mom though we could do the whole wedding for $1500, I’m looking at more like $5000-6000.
(I am contributing to the cost, I don’t know how much she wants to spend dollar-wise becuase she won’t give me a number, she just says “cheap” when I ask. So I’m paying for stuff and if she wants to pay me back some of the cost that’s fine.)
Post # 10
I feel that way too. I feel as though my parents don’t really want me to spend as much money as I am because they spent so little on both of their weddings. Its funny…both times they probably spent way less than 1000. So I won’t even really talk numbers with them at all because my 10000 wedding would just be way too much for them to understand.
Post # 11
My FI and I are paying for our own wedding. I’m an encore bride and though I didn’t pay for the first one, I organized all of it and know the cost differences from 11 years ago. Your parent’s are right! Times are a-changing from regular inflation, dot com boom versus current recession, etc. But salaries today are also higher, so with the higher cost, also comes the higher pay.
Post # 12
My fiance’s parents had an at home cake and punch wedding in clothes they already had, etc.. and I sometimes think they expect that from us.. and it’s definitely hard when you want something that costs around $10000.. and in todays economy that’s cheap! I also feel like they’ll hate me and think i’m ruining him and his finances. Fiance hasn’t told them what it will cost and has avoided that convo like the plague so they don’t disown us… haha. not really, but they’d be ticked.
Post # 13
whew, thanks ladies, i feel much better. glad to know i’m not the only one experiencing this!
Post # 14
OMG! I am so sick of hearing this from my mother! She keeps puttind down my choices as rediculous. She spend 5K on her entire wedding, planned it in a month, etc, etc. Told me that at 9 months I was looking for a dress too early, until she heard about how long it takes to get a dress IN which she didn’t have to do becase she wore her grandmothers dress with alterations. How 4 bridesmaids is a rediculous amount for a wedding of 100-150 people. Oh and how not that many people will even come to my wedding because people wont want to travel. My shoes should be white and not colored, my bridesmaid dresses should be long and not short and that I am required to buy all of them… pretty much everything I like and want shouldn’t be done because that isn’t how it was done when she got married. So frustrating!
Post # 15
At least you’re getting outright comments. I get silence, or the pursing of lips. My mom tries to get into planning and I know overall she is happy with my decisions- however, when I’m having some anxiety over something and she falls silent- I think she is questioning my relationship- but it’s really that she doesn’t see the point in spending so much money or she can’t relate….