(Closed) The Tiniest Budget – and other drama!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

*hugs*

My fiance is struggling with having lots of degrees with no job, so I definitely see what you mean. 

You haven’t made every decision wrong.  You said yes to a wonderful man.  Ignore your FMIL (I know it’s hard, but try your best to tune her out, it will be worth it!) and focus on making this wedding all about you and your fiance.

I have a small budget too, and it’s really hard to see weddings all over the internet and in magazines that cost a small fortune.  Start checking out low budget wedding blogs, like http://2000dollarwedding.com.  http://www.apracticalwedding.com really keeps me grounded.  http://i-do-it-yourself.com has lots of free templates, fonts, and fun stuff, as well as affordable ideas.  Check out venues through the city–I know St. Charles and St. Peters Missouri (suburbs of St. Louis) have city buildings you can rent for a very low rental fee.  Maybe you can do the same thing where you live?  A luncheon reception or a champagne and dessert reception would be beautiful as well.

You can have a beautiful wedding on a $5000 budget!  Hang in there, it sounds like you are really overwhelmed.  It will get better, I promise!

My fiance and I are doing long distance too, and it sucks.  I keep reminding myself that we won’t be apart for forever, and that helps a little bit.

Post # 4
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Just know you are not alone in feeling like you fail.  Life isn’t easy unfortunetly.  It is hard to go through all that though.  I really feel for you.  I to have had a tough time and wedding is suppose to be everyones day, but for us it has just been a nightmare.  This is our 4th try at being married and all because the other times I got sick and the final time we found out it was because of cancer.  So we with no insurance you can imagine no money, lost our house and our car and no way to get more treatment or anything.  SO yes I totally understand your being overwhelmed.  I am sorry for you and I will say a prayer:) 

   I hope things get better and they will it is just hard to remember that or see that when you are so far down.

Post # 5
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Grad school is designed to make you feel the way you are feeling.  It’s a horrible feeling, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far away… but you chose this path because you have a passion.  I made it through my fellowship hating most minutes of it.  But now that it’s over, I’m so proud that I made it, and I feel better for having completed it.  Keep your eye on the prize and find a willing ear of someone who can help you keep perspective.  Often time schools provide free counseling services for just this purpose.

Hug!

Post # 6
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Awwww, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. 🙁 I can’t relate to grad school or being 2,000 miles away, but we also have a $5,000 budget, which has quickly become a $3,000 budget – and it can be done. It really can. And feel good about yourself knowing that YOU’RE the awesome person that won’t be paying off wedding debt for the next 25 years!!!! You’re investing in your future and your career, but not running up debt for a wedding. Now that’s smart! I hope things look up for you, I hate for anyone to feel down. 🙁 

Post # 7
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Don’t be sad! Trust me, you are not alone.  I don’t really have a set budget, but we are shooting for under 5,000.  Also, the price of the ring doent matter! Remember that.  My set was under $500 and I LOVE IT!! He got it from a chain store so it was cheaper for a good quality.  His ring was only $26.75 after shipping, from amazon.com  So don’t stress about the money, you will make it work. 

Where are you getting married at? Maybe there are some local bees that will have some ideas for you or be able to help you out if you need someone locally.

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

While I’m not in grad school, my FI is. With that in mind, the majority of our monthly income comes from my paycheck. Now, while I’m fine with that on a monthly basis, it’s different trying to save for something as big as a wedding. Our gender roles are for the most part reversed. I work, he stays home. And while he’s not the bread-winner, my FI supports me more than I could imagine emotionally, mentally, and even around the house. (I have become a fairly LAZY working “wife”).

With that in mind, remind yourself several things about all this planning.

1) Even at a distance, your FI should be your pillar of support in all this stress of planning and budgets. He will be your support from here on out, so you ought to be relying on each other NOW.

2) When it comes to wedding details, while it’s nice to read all these blogs and see beautiful things everyday, the web is not necessarily realistic. Not everyone has a million bucks, not everyone is Martha Stewart. You have to remember that the most important part of your wedding is your Marriage. All the rest are pretty things that are in essence disposable and not important in the long run.

3) Regarding your FMIL: You need to have a wedding celebration that represents you and your FI. If she’s stressing you out, ask your FI, your support, to talk to his mother about these concerns and see if she can’t help out as opposed to hinder your journey in your wedding.

Otherwise, I’ll say a prayer for you and your FI that this stress is only temporary and that you will have a beautiful wedding celebration!

Post # 9
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m marrying a scientist.  Years of being together – 3 of being separated by 1000 miles or so, seeing each other 3 or 4 times a year… trying to plan, trying to budget, trying to give him enough time to accomplish what he needs to do and trying to have enough to keep our relationship going.

It’s tough.
It’s a really hard time to be a scientist and I know it – I know that’s got to add to a lot of your fear.  Nick says that when he graduated and first got his postdoc he felt like his Phd was completely useless, that he should have stopped with the masters.
But it was just job frustration.

We also know what it’s like to live on that kind of salary – nick made 13k a year during his years in grad school, and that had to cover the car, the rent, everything – so I know it’s hard.

I will tell you this though.
It’s worth it in the long run.

And those friends that you’re having secret envy over right now – part of them looks at you and wishes they hadn’t taken the easier road, that they were accomplishing something like that…
Trust me on that one.
That kind of pursuit is admirable.
And the stresses it puts on you are hard, but really are good practice for what you’ll face in research or the industry, where the days can be very long at first… but once you find the right place, it’ll be quite cushy.

The budget?  well.  That’s tight.  You know that.  I’ve known less and more in my massive history as a BM.  Wedding planning is just plain ole tough.  And planning from far away means that you don’t get the fun of seeing it come together in front of your eyes.
What that DOES mean is that your guy has a chance to really step  up to the plate here – to run around taking pictures of venues and colors and ideas and to help build on the intimacy of your relationship by trying to bring as much of it to you as possible.
Why don’t you talk to him about that part – that you feel very distant from the process and see if you guys can work out a way to fix that first?

Best of luck to you both.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’ll all be worth it in the end! Your budget is tight but there are things you can do! Real diamond engagement rings cost a lot…that is very true. Why don’t you get a nice moissanite or faux ring and then “upgrade” to something real if that’s what you choose down the road?

Just keep it all simple. What’s important is you don’t overspend and that you’re getting married, not that you’re keeping up with the Joneses. Being alone sucks (my DH is far away all the time) but use it to make yourself stronger and focus on the good in your life. Do you have a pet? I have 2 cats and sometimes I think tehy’re just as good at comforting me…just don’t tell my husband that =]

Can you give your FI some work to do so that you aren’t doing eveyrthing? You sound really overwhelmed.

Are you in ST Louis by the way??? I am, too. There ARE options here. You just have to think outside the box!

Post # 11
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This may not be an option you would like, my cousin and his FW are going on a caribbean cruise for 13 days and getting married on the boat, it costs £2200 for 2 people to go on this cruise approx $3600. PLUS honey moon is part of the package. Just a thought.

I know things can seem a bit rough when you can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, (and sometimes you think you do but it’s just some idiot with flashlight), you’ll get there, and everyone here is really supportive 🙂

Post # 12
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I remember the first week of professional school and all the crying I did.  Loads.  My guy T also hated having to go to grad school also.  But it’s worth it having a specialty degree or a niche field after you’re done!

As for the 5k budget and the wedding stress?  Honestly, if it were me I’d do a destination wedding and spend about 3k on it. The rest (2k) on your dress since FMIL isn’t buying it and have a blast! Or just you two go and have the fabulous destination wedding and have a cocktail and appetizers reception and have your priest/minister bless the union there in front of everybody.

The answer to all this IS OUT THERE.  Venting is great stuff too!  We’re here for you btw.

If this budget and family stress is just too much, then there is nothing wrong with having a fabulous wedding you can afford!  A fabulous destintation wedding that’s small with a nice party when you return and vow renewal!  And some resorts give you a wedding free if you stay a certain amount of time and many have awesome options and packages that won’t break the bank either and you can have a fabulous wedding AND honeymoon AND cocktail party when you return AND buy that dress you want!

Just my thoughts on what might be a great and fun alternative to the wedding budget.  Creative planning and budgeting just might get you EVERYTHING you want!

Post # 13
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS)) how many people are you having at your wedding 5000?  where are you getting married, you can have a decent wedding if you have time for diy, the ladies on here are amazing.

Post # 14
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh my goodness I can relate! Fellow Grad student here pursuing my PhD also!!!!!!!!!!

Everyday I say I want to quit (I said it about 5 times today!) Everyday I think I made the wrong decision to keep going after my masters and Everyday someone in my world makes me feel stupid!!!!!!

I am just finishing up my 1st year and last week I found out that my whole project that has been laid out and were going to start TOMORROW is not clinically relevant and that I would have to change everything!

I hate that if I didn’t choose this route I would be married already and probably already pregnant which is truly what I want to be happy (a family) but for some reason I decided to spend all 26 years of my life working towards a career that I don’t really want anyway because it is not a family oriented career! I look for jobs teaching at college weekly so I can quit but I haven’t got an interview yet even though I have applied 5-6 times!

I honestly feel like Grad school is the most lonely experience ever even if you do have people around because NOBODY cares to listen to your boring research and I get depressed when people ask because nothing is going my way and so I avoid talking about it!

I can’t even imagine not having my wonderful guy home with me like in your situation but we do work opposite shifts (I’m in the lab during the day and he works afternoons at a bank). I also can relate to the wedding on the budget thing because we are also planning out wedding with a single income (because my stipend doesn’t go very far!)

Sorry me relating to you has turned into a rant of my own! If you ever want to talk/rant PM me and we can talk! Where are you doing your PhD and what are you doing it in?

Post # 15
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Oh, don’t feel bad, my family seems to be king of lots of degrees with no jobs to show for it! My brother just graduated with his 4th degree (two bachelors and 2 masters) and will begin looking for a job, and I also have my masters and have been unemployed for quite a while now. Things will get better eventually. We’re also doing a low budget wedding, but mines more of a choice because I’d much rather save money for more important things… like for babies or a house. It’s a lot more work, I’ve been DIYing like crazy, but I love the fact that the wedding will feel like “us” because we literally hand did everything.

Post # 16
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Just sending you some Hive Hugs, {{{{{coconutmellie}}}}

I can’t relate to a lot of what you’re talking about personally but I am sorry you’re hurting right now.

Your wedding may have a tiny budget, but your love for FI and his for you is HUGE to stretch over 2000 miles.

You have gotten some excellent advice.  Some of the best weddings I’ve seen had budgets smaller than yours.  I know your day will be wonderful and I’m glad that you’re here so you can share it all with us!

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