- 9 years ago
- Wedding: February 2010
I have a $5,000 budget to plan a wedding, and I’m doing so from a distance. Having read that some engagement rings on here cost more than that, I’m starting to become depressed.
I can’t hug my fiance when I feel depressed because he’s 2,000 miles away.
MY FMIL does nothing but take me on a crazy roller coaster ride of drama and no help with anything. In our culture, it’s the tradition that the groom’s parents pay for my wedding dress, and there’s no counting on her to do that.
It’s just been drama and disappointment – there hasn’t been any positive emotional payoff. And, I hate to be frank but I just have to say it: being so poor despite having X number of professional degrees is just miserable, not to mention being in graduate school is one kick in the gut after another. Every day affirms just how stupid you really are, and you get paid a pittance to tolerate it. And, the reality is that I’ll never make what some people who didn’t go to grad school make.
I’m watching all my friends who aren’t in grad school plan their weddings, have all this free time, enjoy their paycheck, while I work 13 hours a day, 6 days a week and don’t have the money to go to the corner pub and buy a beer to take the edge off.
I have no emotional support because my fiance is far and all my friends live elsewhere.
I just really don’t think this will come to an end. It really feels like I’ve made every wrong decision in my life. I come from a small town where everyone married each other and they’ve already had several stable years of happiness and family support. I decided that I needed to give any family support I had and the love of my fiance and throw it away for a chance at a “better career.” And I just HAD to take the difficult route, I couldn’t take the easy one like law school or medical school where you’re guaranteed to be done in 3 or 4 years as long as you keep your nose to the grind stone. No, I HAD to go and pursue the Ph.D, where if your science doesn’t work tough shit.
I’m so lonely, I’m so tired, and…….. THERE goes my timer. Off to my next failure of an experiment and more lonely time in a dimly lit lab.