Post # 1
Hello fellow wedding bee members!!!
I have an issue and don’t know what to do. One of my bridesmaids (friends for 10years) never gave a gift for the engagement party. My fiancé (at the time) and I decided to over look it because she was very sick that day (she only stayed for about 1 hour) and has never been frugal with her money when it comes to friends.
Now we are married. It’s been one month and we still have not received a wedding gfit from her, nor has she mentioned anything about forgetting a card/gift on the day of.
She came to the rehearsal dinner the night before and rode home in the end of the night limo we ordered for the bridal party so they wouldn’t have to worry about a ride home. She also came to my out-of-state bachelorette party. So she has been very present throughout all of the “wedding events”.
I’m wondering if because she came to the bachelorette party (flight, drinks, meals) she doesn’t feel she needs to give a gift? As a wedding gift, one of my other bridesmaids paid for the hotel for all of the girls, all 3 nights. But she asked me prior to if that would be okay. Maybe the other bridesmaid feels the same way?….
What, if anything, should I do?
Post # 3
Members of the wedding party do not usually give gifts. They already spent money for pre-wedding events and attire, as well as travel and other misc. costs.
Post # 4
Don’t do anything. It sounds like she spent a lot just to be a part of your wedding. Expecting a gift on top of that sounds…well, bad.
Post # 5
Really? I’ve never heard of that, nor have I ever done that. All of the other bridesmaids and groomsmen gave gifts. Oh well…
Post # 6
None of my bridesmaids got me engagement gifts at my engagement party so I think that’s normal. Maybe she felt because she spent a lot of money on your bachelorette party that she couldn’t afford a wedding present? Did she have to travel to your wedding and/or pay for hair, makeup, shoes, or jewelry? That all can add up!
That being said, it’s sad she didn’t get you a card. But she does have up to a year after the wedding to get you something! Maybe your gift it’s on its way 🙂
And if not, I don’t think there is anything you can do about it!
Post # 7
She didn’t have to travel to the wedding as it was close by. My husband and I paid for the limos for the bridal party to get home. She didn’t pay for hair and makeup, alterations or shoes. And of course not the rehearsal dinner, but that goes without saying and doesn’t count haha
Post # 8
oh and as their gift I bought the girls all of their jewelry and also perfume….
Post # 9
Hm… for what it’s worth my mom n I had an argument about this last night actually. I am of the opinion that the bridal party isn’t expected to gift us anything because they are paying for their attire and what not… My mom is of the opposite opinion. I think it all comes down to peoples personal expectations of their bridal parties.
Our bridal party all gave us smaller things for the engagement party (a card, bottle of wine, one person brought a cake, etc…)and I’m having an out of town bachelorette, so I don’t expect much (or anything) from my girls- especially since they’re paying for their hair/makeup. That being said, the girls I’m closest to will probably still give us a little something, but with all the time/help/thought they’ve put into everything else for us… I don’t expect it at all. My Fiance is Italian however, and he is pretty sure we’ll be getting cash gifts from his group of friends (even the groomsmen) so (again) I think it depends on the individuals involved.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
You’re supposed to give gifts at an engagement party? That is news to me, of course I’ve never attended one.
What kind of answer are you looking for in this post OP? Do you want to not be friends with her anymore just because she didn’t get you a wedding gift? Even if she didn’t pay for very much, she still sacrificed her time which you should be thankful for.
I wouldn’t do anything with this and I wouldn’t consider it a problem. I’d thank her for standing up with you that day and move on.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t consider this a problem at all. Also if the jewelry and perfume was worn at your suggestion/request as part of the bridal party attire, I wouldn’t consider it a gift to the bridesmaids. After all, they’d not have needed it if it weren’t for your wedding.
Post # 12
I think it’s kind of weird that you’re tracking it and waiting to get a gift from her and that it bothers you enough to ask about it on here. Being a bridesmaid is expensive – especially when the bride has an out of state bachelorette party. Honestly, I would have felt guilty and insisted they didn’t give gifts if any if my BMs had to buy plane tickets to attend any of my wedding events.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t do anything. She’s not required to give you a gift. And as other posters have said many people do not feel the bridal party is obligated to give a gift, since they are usually paying for their dress, transport, etc.
Post # 15
I guess wedding etiquette varies from state to state slightly. In NYC, the members of the bridal party most often give gifts. I’ve given gifts regardless of how much I’ve spent on pre wedding events because the pre wedding events are a given. I would have simply declined if I wasn’t able to financially handle it.
I did the same for her wedding so I guess my reason for posting was to hear from other brides what they would do if it was their friend.
And of course I will still be her friend haha that’s just crazy!
Post # 16
I think what you do in this situtation, is just put it out of your mind. There could be a million reasons she didn’t give you a gift. She was there for you, and very present during your planning. She’s your friend for a reason. Who cares about a stupid gift?