Post # 1
I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum after 1 year of dating. The ultimatum hinted that after 2 years, I would be very unhappy and possibly leave. I know what you are probably thinking..”She’s crazy..that soon? Wait, is that crazy? Should i try that? NO..thats ridiculous”. And yes. I’m aware that it does seem crazy at first. But one must fully understand the components of my relationship first.
Me and, let’s call him SO, have been cellibate throughout our whole relationship. We have also decided not to move in together. It seems like the next step is to get engaged because I don’t want to feel like nothing is progressing! If you were in my shoes, would you have done the same thing? I am fine with no sex. I can’t wait for our wedding night to be special.
What I am mainly trying to ask is..is it selfish of him to not propose now? I would have loved him to propose during the holidays but he hasn’t so far. Yet, I feel like we are doing everything at his terms…no sex (Not my idea; he’s more religious), not moving in, no engagement until July. I just feel like he could’ve worked with me on this one thing and we could have had a longer engagement!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@fainavach1992: Coming from someone who waited until the wedding night, I get what you’re saying about wanting to feel like you’re moving forward in the relationship. But, I would be really careful about sex being a motivator in getting married sooner rather than later. I promise, I totally understand how hard it is to wait. But, you dont’ want to hurry up an engagement or marriage that you’re both not sure about because it’s hard to wait to have sex.
I’m not sure from your post how much of a motivator this is, or if it’s just something you threw out there, but I definitely would be careful to leave that part out of your reasoning process.
Post # 4
I feel like it depends on the situation. If there is a reason why he wants to wait to get engaged (like to become more financially stable, get out of school…etc) then he isn’t being selfish in the situation. Did he seem like the 2 year mark timeline was good with him?
I can also feel where you are coming from. When it seems like engagement should be the next step, what takes them so long sometimes!?!? The waiting part is so hard!
Also, I think an ultimatum is more of a “if its not by 2 year, then I will leave”, not “if its not by 2 year, then i will be unhappy and might leave”. He may not take that sort of “maybe-ish” ultimatum seriously.
Post # 5
He has already told me that the 2 year ultimatum is ok 🙂 And I feel blessed that he is on the same page with me for that regard.
It’s not so much the sex that is rushing me. It’s more that I want to see him everyday and I want to start a life with him! He’s turning 25 next year and has a full-time job. I just feel like now is the right time to propose and then get married (1 year later) in December of next year. It’s hard for me that that could never be an option 🙁
Post # 6
@fainavach1992: things come together in good time sometimes. I get where you’re coming from.. It’s hard to be in a relationship whet you’re celibate and not living with each other, it can feel like a real strugle and make you want to move on to the next stage in the relationship.
But it also means that after a year, you guys might not know each other well enough to get married? I know everyone is different, but maybe that why. Maybe he just needs more time to get to know you, which is totally fair and a good idea for both of you! It doesn’t mean he’s selfish or tryin to do you wrong. Maybe he just needs more information first?
Hang Tight. A year goes by surprisingly quick!