The Vasectomy Debate: Opinions Wanted.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@badabing88:  I’d imagine he’s not keen on the idea of the pain, and that he worries it might affect his performance or masculinity? My DH had one many years ago and had no complications. He was back at work (desk job) the following Monday (surgery on Friday.)

Post # 4
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@badabing88:  i haven’t been through this, but i can see why he’s dancing around it.

the ability to create kids is equated with masculinity, for one. maybe he wants to hang onto that part of being a man (sounds dumb, but i can see it being a possibility). maybe the ‘i don’t want any more kids’ talk is serious….but maybe he wants to leave the possibility open, and he just isn’t saying so. it could be a million reasons. the finality of it (though there is reversal?) may freak him out. he may not know much about getting a vasectomy and maybe he’s worried it’ll make him unable to get hard, or something, or he thinks there is a high likelihood of complication. who knows.

ask him! it sounds like you guys have an open relationship, maybe you should just ask why he’s dancing around it when he claims to be so interested.

Post # 5
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

We’re going through the same. I would get my tubes tied too, but 27, no children … good luck with that ! While my fiancé is 36, and has a chronic disease (Crohn’s), so he could always justify to his doctor that due to his genetic condition, he doesn’t want to pass it to eventual children so he wants a vasectomy. He is 100% sure he doesn’t want children. But, I think there are many fears that come with this decision of getting a vasectomy. The operation itself, the pain, the fear of ”losing part of his masculinity” by getting sterilized. This fear is quite common amongts childfree women : many are uncomfortable with the idea of something as radical as a sterilization, even though they won’t change their minds. It’s the ”no turning back” part that is scary, and for some people, they need time to adjust to the idea.

And strangely enough, while we are both 100% sure we do not want children, I started thinking : what if my fiancé dies in a car crash in a few years ? That’s the kind of event that shatters your entire life and turns it upside down ; what if, in this horrible situation, I decided I should have had children with him ? We talked this through, and we both decided we would freeze his sperm before he gets the vasectomy, just in case. We’re not changing our minds, but it felt more comfortable to us both, knowing that if ever a situation like this would happen, that I would still have the freedom to choose how I intend to pursue my life, how I choose to deal with it, etc. 

Post # 6
Member
6023 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that some guys equate vasectomies with getting neutered…as in getting their “balls chopped off”. Obviously that’s ridiculous and they’re overreacting, but I honestly think that’s what goes through their minds. I think that guys are very sensitive about their testicles and the thought of something getting snipped inside them, freaks them out.

Have y’all sat down and read over medical material? Maybe once he reads from medical professionals that it doesn’t affect performance or his manhood, he’ll come around.

Post # 7
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  …cuz they’re scary, its sugery, its your weaner AND the entire concept is totally stigmatized by society because a man who shoots blanks is no man at all….

Oh…and there’s this added wrinkle that orgasms feel a little different after you’ve had the old snippity snip.

Sit down, talk with him….ask him what the freakin problem is, and remind him that consequence free living in the birth control arena is AMAZING!  No accessories required, welcome to spontaneous sex anywhere and everywhere you like!

Post # 9
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@badabing88:  Well there is the slight chance that he may have recurring pain during orgasm after a vastectomy.  I think that would be enough to make any man think twice.  My husband was very enthusiastic about the procedure until he read about that part.

Post # 11
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would agree about men seeing it as being neutered. And just wanting the possiblity to be open. 

However, I would like to mini-rant about BC pills…and how men sometimes automatically expect us to take them, or have something inserted into us, etc… Yeah, it’s not hard to take a pill every day, or go to the gyno and see all of the options that women have. But it can cause a lot of issues for women. I know for me, my sex drive was thrown out of the window and I couldn’t (TMI) have an orgasm anymore. All these issues with this little “safe” pill… While it’s invasive for him, and a big decision… it’s also a big decision (IMO) for you to go on the pill. 

Post # 12
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@badabing88:  Sounds like it’s time for a good old-fashioned pro and con chart.  Be sure to add every single con that you can think of involving an unplanned pregnancy.  Once he sees what a toll it could take on you, maybe your FI will have a better perspective on the situation.

Post # 13
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have heard stories about vasectomies being linked to cancer.  Or it could be that he is worried you might eventually change your mind.

Post # 14
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@badabing88:  Yeah..he’s being weird, but I will reiterate…its his weaner..so I get it.  The only way to sort this out and have a long talk with Mr. Bing about his junk, his junk’s ability to knock you up, his thoughts on screwing around with his junk AND maybe having a few vials of his team from the inseam stored at the local sperm bank in case we all change our minds about Little Bings in the future….

 

Post # 16
Member
6023 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@badabing88:  hmmm, that’s tricky. Have you talked to doctors about getting your tubes tied. I know you mentioned that they might be hesitant because you haven’t had any kids yet, but they might surprise you.

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