Post # 1
So, I’m still waiting. For a while there I was so busy with schoolwork and worrying about life that I wasn’t focusing on it, which WAS good. But now I am on break, and it’s ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. We’re still LD, and so part of me hopes when I go to visit him for a week next week, it’ll happen, but I’m pretty certain he doesn’t have the ring in his posession yet. Not getting my hopes up, I just wish it were happening. I know everyone says it’ll be worth the wait, blah blah blah, I just want to be able to plan the next year or two of my life and not feel like it all revolves around whether or not he gets his act together. We’ve talked about the future, a wedding, children, all the good stuff, so it’s not that he’s not going to ask… it’s just the waiting, especially being apart, doesn’t help it. I was thinking if he asks by this fall, we could still have a fall 2013 wedding if we wanted to (we haven’t even begun talking about the WHEN for that yet) but I think the venue I am considering books early (though I’m not sure) so it’s all a bunch of HRHOSIHESOEUGSHEGIUSH. I’m going to graduate from grad school in August and move to be with him, I’m hoping I find a job so I can pay my half of the rent and feed myself… just so many uncertainities and it’s hard to deal with some days. End of vent, thanks bees.
Post # 3
I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to be able to plan out the next year or two. I’m in the same boat, I know it’s going to happen but I just don’t know when and the not knowing drives me crazy. Maybe he’s waiting for you to be done with school so you don’t have the distraction of wedding planning on top of the stress of finishing everything up in time for graduation? And you never know…he might have a ring and just be doing a really good job of keeping it a surprise (especially since you’re LD right now). Hang in there! It will come.
Post # 4
@love108: I understand what you mean about the idle time you have while on break…I felt totally frustrated during my spring break as well, while during the semester I am too busy to think of anything else! (well sort of :))…do you think you could have a conversation with him when you go to visit, just to see where things stand?
Post # 5
“I just want to be able to plan the next year or two of my life and not feel like it all revolves around whether or not he gets his act together.” <— story of my life.
I just wanted to try to offer you some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone 🙂
Post # 6
@shinythingsrule: Thanks bees! And yes, I could talk to him, but I literally just did about 6 weeks ago and he keeps mentioning payments on a certain something, even though I tell him he doesn’t have to tell me, sine HE’S the one that wants it to be a huge surprise! He reassures me it’ll still be a surprise. So we’ll see. But I am only 1% sure it could happen next week. Not pessimistic, realistic! hahah
Post # 7
@love108: This is exactly how I’m feeling!!! He keeps mentioning that he is putting money into a savings account for a certain something and I told him to stop telling me and just do it! He’s very set on it being a surprise, but it’s KILLING me not to know. I absolutely agree that it’s difficult to wait around to plan the next few years of my life until he decides the time is perfect. I want to know, but I don’t want to know, if that makes sense. I’m tired of waiting but know how important it is to him that it be a surprise. So, the waiting continues. But there are lots of waiting women in a similar situation, so we can at least commiserate together!
Post # 8
I got really upset one night because everything was always all about him. His career, his timeline, etc and he was getting excited because his dreams were coming true, but I was sat on the backseat waiting for him to get his act together so MY dreams could start to come true.
Once he realised how depressed I was that my life was at a standstill and had been for a while, he acted totally different. He gave me a timeline, he told me he understood, and he told me that from that moment he’d do whatever he could to make me happy.
That was about 4 months ago. 2 months ago I spoke to him about how quickly venues get booked up. We weren’t even engaged yet spoke about how if we booked now, we could have a date 18 months away – roughly the time we were both thinking of.
He didn’t realise he had to think that far ahead, and he happily went looking at my dream venue, loved it, and we’re putting a deposit down this weekend. We’re still not engaged – but now he mentions how much happier I am knowing that I at least half part of my life planned out – even if that part is 16 months away.
He completely agrees that we did the right thing. I got my date and sanity, and he still gets to save up and design my ring, and pop the question when I least expect it.
This is not the way it works for every couple – but expressing my feelings honestly did us both the world of good. I’m so happy right now.
Post # 9
@lookingglass: Yeah, definitely. Right now I don’t think he’s looking for get married for another 2 years (so early 2014 at the earliest). He’s a grad student, so his life isn’t “together” per se, but I’m graduating and trying to find a job where he is (the middle of nowhere!), 500 miles away, so it’s hard to look for an apartment, hope I can be making enough to buy a car….he knows all of this, I’m very open about how anxious I am about this whole “life” process, and he is finally on the same page (I have a timeline of October), just thought I’d be handling it better. I’m in no rush to GET married, just a rush to start planning life. He knows weddings are expensive and they take a while to plan, but I don’t think he’s in any rush to get married so there’s no rush to get engaged. Sigh. I have a feeling he won’t have the ring paid off til June, but I won’t see him (we’re LD) until August when I move up there. UNless he flies down and surprises me… but I doubt it. Money’s a bit tight. Student loans 🙁