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I don't think you need to take a chill pill I say be true to your heart. I mean if you love him you will tell him the truth. If he loves you he will understand. I say really think about what you want and have a serious talk with him. If your worth anything to him then he will listen to your feelings should not be a problem.
This is a really hard situation to be in. I think you should just give it some time and if things don't change in a reasonable amount of time then you need to sit down with him and tell him how it is. As in what you want out of your relationship, why you want those things, and why you're not going to give up until you do. Don't settle for anything less!
I dont think I can be of much help but I will try.
I too have been with my BF for 4.5 years. We have been talking marriage and all that good stuff but I am still waiting on a proposal. Lately Ive been very antsy as my posts have proved but the bees here have been great with calming me down. I have vowed to now think about it (well at least try) and start going to the gym more.
Maybe if you pick up a new hpbby or something and show him that marriage/engagement/wedding is not all you think about. This might make him start to think about it more.
welcome to hive! ahh the magical 4+ year mark! so many of us are right there in the trenches with you!
i don't think trying to have a conversation with your bf once a month is excessive. however, it does seem like your BF needs his time in mentally preparing himself for a really big life change! you've had what sounds like a really good coversation about it, so maybe he just needs a little time/space. he should be open to talking about it with you, though, so maybe if/when you bring up engagements and marriage, you qualify why you want to discuss things with him - e.g. you have every confidence that the two of you are sticking together, but you'd like to make some near future plans with your life and you just want a rough estimate; you have to work around school, and getting a full time job when you're done, etc. i think when we ladies put things in terms of concrete plans and practicality, it seems to clarify things for our boys and help them understand that we aren't nagging them because want a ring or because we just wanted to get married for the sake of getting married. the bottom line is, as the other lovely bees have pointed out, you are in a good place so vent away here on the boards, and try to distract yourself with some other brain-occupying activites!
keep your chin up! we know you'll get there!
Are you wasting your time? That depends on a lot of different things.
How old are you and your BF? If you're under 30, there's no reason to rush him. If you're over 30 and want kids someday, I think it's reasonable (and advisable) to ask him to explain why he's not ready and what would make it the perfect time.
He may well have legitimate, finite, short-term concerns. In that case, it's worth your while to wait if he's the one. Also, it should be easier to wait because you'll know what the milestones are, and you'll know you won't be waiting forever.
If he doesn't know why he's not ready or has unrealistic expectations, you may be able to help talk him through it. If you can't, at least you'll have the necessary information to make the right decision for yourself.
Until he elaborates, there's no way of knowing if it will ever happen. But the fact that he's brought marriage up in the past is a pretty good sign that he's too young, has reasonable goals that must be met first, or is having the kind of anxiety that you can work through together -- any of which mean it will likely happen eventually.
LOL - Wow girl, you have more patience than me! 4.5 Years?! I would have gone certifiably insane by now. I think you should definately take the lead on this and express your desire to be married, sooner rather than later, but then again, that is advice coming from me, who got antsy and irritated a yr and a half into the relationship, so maybe you shouldn't listen to me 
, but hey it worked lol.. Seriously though, it sounds like you really do love each other because you have been together for so long (even with a long distance relationship for a year, which says alot) so I think you should be able to communicate to him that you truly are ready to move forward. Maybe he is truly trying to surprise you by kind of ignoring the topic whenever you bring it up..? Or if he's anything like my FH his focus is on TODAY and doesn't really worry about timelines, etc.. I think women are the ones the focus the most on that anyways. It's really REALLY annoying, but oh well. Anyways, just sit him down and talk to him. Unfortunately, guys don't pick up on subtle hints very well, so you might have to hammer it into his brain a little. Don't give him any ultimatums, but at the same time, let him know that you are not going to be a perpetual GF. Hopefully that will be enough to get him moving in the direction of the jewelry store 
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So I've been poking around these boards for a while and thought I would throw my situation out there to maybe get some opinions from other girls who are feeling like I am... I've tried talking to my girlfriends about this, but they are ALL single and don't quite understand....
SO and I have been together for about 4 1/2 years now. He first brought marriage up to me back in April after our 1 year of living long distance was coming to an end and I was moving back to New York to move in with him again (We had lived together for 2 years prior to me having to leave for school for a year). I was SO happy when he brought it up and showed him a few rings I was interested in. I didn't want to pressure him too much, plus I wanted to let him plan it and let it be a surprise to me.
Now it is NOVEMBER and he hasn't said a word. I poked him maybe once a month about it since the summer, but he just changed the subject. Finally, about a week ago I put my foot down and asked what was up. I told him I moved back in with him in August with the intention that we were going to move forward. He simply said he wasn't quite ready yet and he just wanted everything to be perfect before we moved forward. I'm really not sure what he's waiting for. He has a very stable job and minimal debt and even though I am still in school (getting a master's degree..) I am working part-time to provide my half of the rent, bills, etc. I am so happy to be with him, I am truly in love with him and after 4 1/2 years I am ready to move forward.
Is this ever going to happen? Am I being too impatient or am I wasting my time? I'm very much in love with him, but I truly value marriage and everything that it stands for and if he does not want those things then I cannot stay with him and just be his girlfriend for the rest of my life! Do I just need to take a chill pill and relax or does he need to get his butt into gear?? HELP!!