Post # 1
I try and tell myself to have patience…
"Patience comes to those who wait." – Terry Ballard
It’s been a little over two years since my boyfriend and I started dating. We’ve been through a lot together. We talk about our future all the time. We’ve been doing that since very early on in our relationship. We both just knew then. We both just know now.
We discuss getting married next year. He’s even said next summer… or 9/9/09… although I’m sure he never actually looked at a calendar and saw that it’s a Wednesday. 😛 We’ve gone to a few jewelry stores and looked at rings. I’ve probably just confused the guy more by doing so. I am very indecisive… what I thought I wanted, I actually didn’t like… what he thought I wanted I didn’t actually like… I got home and thought, well maybe I really do like something like that… but maybe not. I’m sorry, but I know I’m only going to marry once, so it is hard to pick out something I’ll be wearing for the rest of my life! I’ve got the perfect guy at least. That’s the hardest thing to find. 🙂 I finally ended up telling him not to listen to what I may say I like and to just get something he’d love to see me wearing the rest of our lives… something that he thinks reflects me and our love.
So maybe he’s got a little pressure put on him…
And I’m going crazy now waiting for him to pop the question!!! Is it a few weeks away, a few months away??? I realize I am very young still (22). He is going to be 27 later this month.
Did anyone else get driven completely insane before their boyfriend proposed?
Post # 3
No. We didn’t really do it that way. We just decided we were going to get married then he gave me the ring for christmas. We shopped a little together but he wanted to pick it out on his own. I always imagined I would get proposed to, but when the time came around it just seemed silly. It seemed wierd to try to suprise someone with a question that you have both already disscussed and know the answer to. Although a few days later I did make him get down on one knee and do the "proposal thing".
I have had two relationships before him that I thought were it, and they both ended after 3 years. When he proposed we were together 5 years. I was 29 and he was 35.
Post # 4
You just need to relax. It’s fine to look at weddingbee and other sites before you are engaged, but if it is starting to stress you out- then you need to take a break from it. Try to just live in the moment and enjoy dating. Also, do you really want to guess the day he is going to propose? Wouldn’t you rather it be a suprise? I wish I had thought about that advice before my guy popped the question b/c I almost ruined it with all my "are you doing it tomorrow?" annoyingness. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. It will happen when the time is right and you can’t make that moment come any quicker by worrying about it.
As for the ring thing, I told FI the cut I wanted (oval) and that the rest was up to him. (I did give him a few examples of what I didn’t like) I saved myself a lot of stress by not searching forever to find the perfect ring. I love the ring because it’s beautiful, but also because he picked it out just for me. (And the ring ended up being perfect for me…)
Post # 5
I totally understand how hard it is for it to be up in the air, especially since you’ve been discussing it so openly! I remember just wanting to blurt out "but WHEN??!!!", but trust me, that’s no fun 🙂 I think taytayalis is right, take a break, try to get it out of your mind and just enjoy being in the relationship. Obviously since you’ve been shopping for a ring, it’s going to happen! I managed to stop thinking about it, and sure enough, one weekend he proposed and I was COMPLETELY shocked! It was great.
Post # 6
Very much agree with the above posters. WeddingBee is probably not the best place for you right now. The best thing to do is to use that nervous energy on your relationship. Find creative things to do together. Create unique experiences with each other. It’ll definitely encourage him to speed up his timeline and it keeps you from thinking about when the proposal will be.
Post # 7
I absolutely agree. When we decided that marriage was in the works, FI told me I should think seriously about what I wanted in a ring. I shopped a little with a girlfriend, and then he and I went and looked at the rings I had liked. I think this was a really good approach, as it allowed me to hate whatever I wanted – there was really no pressure to find something. I finally decided that most of the commercially available rings were not me at all, and that we would have to have something custom made. We shopped together for the stones, and commissioned the setting, and then I stopped paying attention… I didn’t even know when he picked up the finished ring. I absolutely didn’t want to know when he would "officially" propose – as I wanted that to be a surprise, and so did he. It worked out great, as I was completely taken by surprise (even though he had arranged a romantic weekend away, which was actually a birthday present).
I think that it’s really waaaay to much stress for you to put yourself through at the moment, to obsess about when he’s going to ask. I would just enjoy this time (before all the wedding planning craziness sets in) and honestly try to forget about it. Save the bridal magazines and books and websites for after the proposal.
Post # 8
I know its hard…I was in a sort of similar situation (but I am 29 and we’ve been together 4 years, gone to about 15 weddings together)…waiting for the proposal was really hard. I am a slightly anxious person to begin with, so having that nervous/excited feeling was very stressful for me. It actually caused a lot of petty fights between us before he proposed. I had trouble thinking about anything else, but you just have to really refocus on other things.
What everyone above said is correct…take a deep breath and step away from the Bee, and the Knot, and Martha Stewart weddings, and all the rest. All of it. There is enough stress in wedding planning. Enjoy these moments of your relationship because things will change (mostly for the better) but remember it won’t ever quite be like this again. Embrace that.
As for the ring…if you don’t have your heart set on anything, just tell him you are sure you’ll love what he picked out. Not because he magically will pick the ring you’ve dreamed of, but most importantly because he picked out for you. I told my FI that I liked square better than round and something classic but not common. I really like that people are impressed when they asked if he picked it out and I say yes, by himself.
Post # 9
Obsessing about when he is going to ask and the other details of the proposal will take all of the fun out of it for you! It sounds like you are happy that you have found a great guy; focus on that as the wedding will come when the time is right!
Post # 10
I completely understand!
FH and I have been together for over 5 years. We’re 23 and 24, now. About 6 months ago, he took me to see a ring he had picked out, and after the jewellery store staff made me try on a million rings, we picked something we both liked better. Then I spent 6 months worrying and wondering about the when, the where, the how. Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s, our anniversary, my birthday, all came and went. We talked often about when and where and how we might want to get married, but no proposal. Then last week, on a random Wednesday, the night before we were going to visit my extended family for a cousin’s wedding, he proposed. It was completely random and silly and perfect.
It was totally, completely worth the waiting and wondering. Try not to stress about it, even though I’m sure you won’t let it go completely (I didn’t!). It will happen when the time is right, and you’ll be so happy that the timeline won’t matter so much anymore.
Post # 11
I am young too. Also 22 and my fiance and I have been dating for 5 years. I am really picky and we went to a jewelry designer and designed the ring together. I put elements of what I wanted and he did the same and the ring turned out gorgeous. We are both really happy about it. As for the waiting for him to pop the question, well just be patient try to take your mind off of it. The more you get upset and impatient the more he is going to put it off. Don’t worry it will happen eventually, I promise. How do you think I felt, they accidently called me first to let me know the ring was done last September (before my birthday about a week before). I was thinking wow we are going up to the lake could it be there? or we are going on vacation maybe it will happen now??? Then Christmas came we went on a minivaca…. nothing my mom was shocked, I was a wreck we got home Christmas eve. Christmas day came we went to my aunts and two of my other cousins got engaged christmas morning. I was crying in the bathroom of jealousy. Christmas night at 1159 he popped the question by the tree sitting by the fire listening to christmas music. We buy eachother ornaments every year and he said did you find the other ornament on the tree? there it was hanging on a branch (so sweet). And the rest is history not just figuring out a date is the dilema. Be patient and best of luck.
Post # 12
haha wow, our situations are so similar! my guy and i have been dating for a year and a half and have been talking seriously about marriage pretty much the whole time – we started dating with the intention of marriage. i am 21 and he is 26. we have always talked about getting married "when i graduate" – which now is under a year away! we have pretty much decided that august or september or 2009 would be ideal, and i have given him guidance about rings. so yeah, now im just waiting for the proposal so i can start planning!
yes, the waiting is very very hard. i know that my boyfriend is currently trying to save money, so i just have to be patient. sadly, however, some new details have been thrown into the mix (his roommates are moving, so he will have to find a new place to live and most likely pay more for rent which means harder to save money, etc etc) – so, it looks like things may be pushed back for us.
basically, my advice for you is this: allow yourself to dream, but don’t get too many exact plans/ideas set in your mind quite yet. i was so set on summer 2009, and with that date in mind, i feel we need to HURRY and get engaged. however, i need to force myself to take one thing at a time. i trust him that he wants to marry me and is doing everything he can to make it happen. so, when the proposal comes, we can take things from there – even if that means the wedding will be later than summer 09.
hopefully if you don’t see everything as a timeline like i’ve been doing you can enjoy this part of your relationship instead of going crazy. just think, he’ll only propose once, so wouldn’t you wanna give him time to make it amazing instead of rushing him?
Post # 13
oh man, I read so many other posts about girls who don’t like it when things are sexist; the readings, the oaths, throwing the bouquet to only single girls.
To me, sitting around and waiting for a man to ask you to marry you is incredibly sexist. Why not buy him a ring and ask him to marry you? Thats what my friend did. And it has nothing to do with wanting to rush the relationship, they haven’t even set a date for the wedding yet. They just wanted to make a commitment to the relationship.
Why wait if it’s driving you crazy? Seems way old school to me.
Of course, if you are dying for that "oh so romantic" moment when he "asks" you, waiting is probably your best option, but also some guys just suck at trying to make a romantic moment.
Post # 14
Thank you all for your comments! It’s strange to see that some of you are in the same boat as me. 🙂 I guess that’s comforting. I think I do need to take everyone’s advice and step away from all the wedding talk.
I think I’ve been more anxious lately due to pressure from friends and family wondering when we are going to get engaged. I know this shouldn’t matter, but who can admit they genuinely aren’t affected by what other people say?
For instance, last month we went to a wedding for one of my friends. I sat at a table with a friend I’ve known since the 4th grade. She got engaged a few months ago. The two had been together for 6 months when he had asked her. She seems to have changed into a completely different person around me. When my boyfriend went up to get me a drink at the wedding I was talking with her and her fiance. Out of the blue this girl asked me "Is everything okay with you and M*****?" She asked this in front of her fiance and the rest of the table. I was a little thrown off and said "Of course, why?" She then had the nerve to say "Well just because R*** and I are engaged now and J***** and B**** are probably going to be engaged soon too." The latter couple is another close friend and her boyfriend. She was insinutating that we’ve been together the longest and I should be upset that everyone else is getting engaged too. Before I could even reply my boyfriend had returned. I felt my head getting very hot. Later in the evening the two guys got up together and this friend pressed the subject more. Perhaps she had felt I’d become standoffish and she began apologizing. I’m not one for a scene. I don’t believe in being rude to others, even if they have done so to you. I simply told her "I’m not worried. I know the time will come when the time is right. Some people take a few months, others 6 years (as the couple at the wedding we were currently at had)." She didn’t talk about it after that. Perhaps I should heed my own advice. The time will come when the time is right.
As for proposing to my guy? That’s just not for me. His family is very traditional and from Europe. That’s something I want my guy to be able to have, I don’t want to take that away from him. I’m already an independent woman, and the breadwinner. I think I’ve proven myself enough to society already.
So I suppose I will disappear from weddingbee until I’ve actually gotten engaged. Good luck to all of you! 🙂
Post # 15
Oh man. Anybody who doesn’t think you’re "okay" because you guys aren’t engaged is more than a little naive. Your response to her was absolutely perfect.
You’re exactly right when you say that the time will come when the time is right. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship right now and that you’re both simultaneously leading fulfilling, independent lives, and all of that contributes to the happiness and security that lead to engagement and marriage. I know it’s tough to wait (been there, done that), but it’s true when people say that you’ve got the rest of your lives to be together.
Taking a Weddingbee break is a great idea, in the meantime. Even engaged folks have to do that every once in a while to keep from going crazy, I think.
Good luck, and looking forward to seeing you come back, whenever it happens. 🙂
Post # 16
I hear ya! I can’t bear the waiting sometimes, although I do really LOVE surprises! My BF and I have been together for nearly 11 years, and we went to check out rings several months ago. I just try not think about it because I know that it IS coming. I would say, though, that the best thing is focusing on the here and now. Enjoy those moments and smile just knowing that your relationship is wonderful even without the ring.