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My parents gave me a number they were willing to contribute, and so did his. As we paid deposits, my mother gave me checks to pay them and kept track of how much she spent until it reached the magic number.
Instead of an account with you and your son's name on it, I'd recommend the engaged couple create an account- the bride to be should also have access to those funds.
We're planning on having three accounts when we're married anyway- his, hers, and ours, so we're going to start an account with our family's contributions. Because we're having a shorter engagement (6 mos), our parents are giving checks up front, versus getting reimbursed-I think there will be less stress that way.
My dad helped us out by lending us some of our wedding money. He just wrote checks for the few bills we had left. I think that opening account would be a great way to handle it and it is really sweet of you to give them that gift.
I guess I am a bit nervous about them spending it too fast and running out of money. They are very frugal/responsible, but still young.
Maybe an account with all 3 of us would work.
I would also recommend that the bride and groom set up a separate account with their names together. This is what we did/are doing. My parents and FI parents have both contributed (bless them both) and we've deposited those checks directly into that separate checking account. I think it's good to have it separate because they you don't accidently spend it on something else. In our situation my FI is completely comfortable with me handling the checking account because I'm a CPA and a super strict budgeter. The only funds that haven't gone into this account is the money we've set aside for the honeymoon since FI is planning it and isn't telling me where we are going.
My mom told me they would pay for the reception, so when the final count was in and payment was due, I just told them how much it was and they got a bank check for that amount.
I'd also like to offer a suggestion that there are wedding budget calculators out there that help you figure out based on what you want to include and your total wedding budget, how much to spend in each area. Just google "wedding budget calculator" and you will see what I mean.
@CoffeeandCream: Perhaps agree to put money towards something specific.
Honestly, if they can't handle the money then they have no business getting married. I don't see a need for you to be on an account with them. Just give them a check for the amount you would like to contribute.
My mom paid for the food so that was one check that she gave me when I went in a few days before the wedding to pay for it.
DH's dad just wrote a us a check every month for $300. He did this for about a year.
My mom is in a different state and opened an account at a bank that has branches in my area. I just had to go in and sign on the account and I just pull money from it as needed.
My mother gave us a lump sum for what she was going to contribute about a month before our wedding. It was up to us to pay for everything up until that point but her contribution covered all of our final vendor payments as well as paid us back for a great deal of what we already shelled out. At first it royally sucked having to come up with all of the money beforehand but I think it actually worked out better for us this way. We were able to make our payments over the course of our 16 month engagement and ended up with a nice chunk of change right before the wedding. Those funds greatly helped with all of the last minute things that popped up and allowed us to have an extra awesome time on our honeymoon. As for my IL’s, they handled the payments for the things that they agreed to cover which were our flowers and RD.
@CoffeeandCream: Our parents wrote us checks... having you on the account is a little weird and controlling... no offense.
@delirium.megans: I agree.
My fiance and I set up an account on our own, and our parents write checks to us that we deposit. There is no need for my mom's name to be on the account, I'm not sure what purpose that would serve.
My parents issued me a credit card from one of their accounts to use for the venue deposit and some other supplies that they OK'd, but they will directly handle day-of expenses up to the dollar amount they said they wanted to contribute with money they've set aside. My FIL's just cut us a check for what they wished to give, and we've got it in a special account at FI's credit union - FI withdraws as needed.
Both of those options have been pretty simple. And we're pretty much in awe at our families' generousity.
I second the suggestion to let your son and his FI open a joint account. My parents offered a set amount that they were upfront about from day 1 and that's how we handled it. My dad wrote us a check and we deposited it into our new joint account.
I am a responsible adult, so I would be offended if my parents (or FIs) insisted on being guardians of money intended to be a gift.
That being said, if you insist on maintaining control of the funds then I suggest you tell them how much you are giving them and then tell them that you will directly write the checks to vendors, as needed. But I'm very serious that I would find this ridiculous and offensive, if my ILs did this.
My mom is depositing money towards their agreed-upon contribution into our wedding fund as she gets it. Since she and I don't live in the same city, she's making deposits into my childhood checking/savings account, from which I can write checks and use my debit card out here.
I would imagine that some of the disparity of opinions on this is just age/independence. If they're young/right out of college, they may be less used to handling money and/or comfortable with the OP being involved with the money. If they've been on their own and financially independent for a while (as many PPs clearly are), then it would be weirder for the MOG to be in control.
I personally don't see anything wrong with opening a joint account (although if possible I'd probably put both your son and his FI on it). It makes transferring money very easy, especially if there's any distance. Then again, I have a joint account each with my mum and with my dad. I travel internationally regularly for work for long periods and it's sometimes the only way I can get extra funds. My parents don't control my money, they just have access to put a bit of money (including little surprise presents) into the accounts through internet banking.
@CoffeeandCream: If it was me, I would prefer if the amount was given to us as a check so we can deposit it in our wedding account. After all, you already determined how much you like to give plus, it also allows both bride and groom to spend it as they see fit for their wedding.
@CoffeeandCream: Also, if you open an account with your son for the purpose of the wedding, what's going to happen to it after the wedding?
I like how we did it. I (MOB) just paid for things as we went along, as did the MOG, and the B&G. The MOG had a figure in mind that she was comfortable spending, but she decided to pay for certain parts herself,directly. She was living in Australia at the time, and we had no problems at all doing it that way. She paid for the invitations, night of wedding hotel, photographer....and the rest she gave to them as their wedding gift.
My parents paid for the majority of our wedding with my fiance's parents paying for a select few things as well. I was responsible for my dress. My parents are just handing over the money to the people they need to pay directly, and my fiance's parents wrote us checks to reimburse us for the things they were covering. I think a separate account would be too confusing.
I was given a flat number and have been using their credit card number for all of my transactions. It's extremely generous, but I have to admit that I hate it. I wish that they'd just given us a check for the amount and I'd chip away at it that way. It's really painful to keep track of everything, and to let them know when I'm going to be charging something and how much it's for.
My parents offered a sum to the wedding and have paid that most of that sum already directly to vendors as deposits came due. (They live near the reception so dropped off two large checks to them.)
FI's dad offered a sum and he has sent FI the checks. FI deposited the checks in his account. It's actually kind of annoying this way, because so far, FI has paid nada for the wedding. I trust he will chip in, that's not a concern, and I could ask for him to write me a check to cover things if I really needed it, but let's face it - FI's involvement in planning this wedding and purchasing things is *substantially* less than mine.
I've covered everything else, including a lot of the odds & ends and am trying to keep track of everything that is spent. This is everything from supplies to create our invites or other DIY projects to our rings to deposits on clothing to insurance required by our ceremony site to payments to vendors...
So that said, yeah, it'd be rather frustrating to have FI be given an account and for me not to be on it - just creates an extra layer of bureacracy (and honestly, having you on the account wouldn't prevent them from spending it too fast). A check in both names is most appreciated. If you don't trust them, that's another problem, but you could always ask them to discuss the budget or to pay for specific things.
ETA: I'm 32, so a bit older. Also logistically, it's easier and safe imo, to put things on my credit card than it would be to write out checks for each purchase (beyond the fact that FI isn't around to write the checks out, if it were only in his name).
FI's parents opened an account which they gave FI access to. I don't think they plan on giving me access. I think its a little weird that I can't write checks from the account. Having the account makes sense though because they can't give the money they promised in one check. We have a long engagement, so they plan on adding to it when they can. We have an idea of how much will be put into it, but we aren't really sure when it will all get there, and they acted like a lot more might show up if they realize they can afford more. At this point we haven't put any deposits down because the wedding is still over a year and a half away, so I am hoping they decide to add my name to the account before then. I think it would be weird for them to have to write me checks from that account to me so that I can pay vendors ect. I guess FI could write all the checks, and thats probably what they think is going to happen, but I think not giving everyone access just makes it more complicated than it needs to be. I don't know how my dad plans on giving us money. He insists he will contribute but has not said how much or when, so we aren't really counting on it yet. I would feel weird having his money deposited into an account that I don't have access to though. And I don't like the idea of having it in several accounts because then its harder to keep track of.
To summarize: Unless you plan on writing one check, create an account with your son and his FI.
Very few banks have fee-free checking these days without a minimum balance or direct deposit. Those fees could really eat into the money you are giving them! Also, it seems like a lot more effort to set up an account when you could just give them a check. Is there a reason you don't trust them enough to simply hand the money over?
It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that they are still young. :)
But they are both very responsible and so we have decided to give them a check.
Thanks again!
@CoffeeandCream: My parents gave us a check for what they were willing to contribute to our wedding. We were both very young at the time (20 and 22). We were able to be responsible with it and completely cover the wedding by doing budgeting and when we came in underbudget, we were able to put the remainder toward our first house. Having a little faith in your kids is a good thing :)
They don't have a joint account yet, they don't live together.
So who should I write the check out to?
...or maybe I could suggest they open a basic savings account together and write the check to both of them.
@CoffeeandCream: I think a basic savings account is a great idea, and a good way for them to learn how to use a joint savings. Plus they will probably at least want a joint savings after the wedding to save for a home, kids, larger purchases in general. I would suggest that! If they don't want to, my FMIL just writes the checks to my FH and we put them in the bank (we do have a joint account).
My parents stopped having anything to do with my bank accounts when I turned 18 and left for college.
If you are helping wit their wedding (which is very nice of you) give them what you are willing, whenever you are willing, (lump sum, monthly, etc.) and leave it at that. It's a little helicopterish to me for you to be on their savings account.
@CoffeeandCream: Ask them who they want to cheque written to! You can talk to them about the joing wedding account, but don't push it if that's not what they want.
My future father-in-law has paid the deposit for our venue. I think it's a nice idea to pay the vendors directly so it will be one less thing your son and his future wife have to manage and pay for.
If they don't have a joint account, I think a cheque to either one of them should be fine. DH's parents did this and we could take the money out of his account or use his account to pay off any of the credit cards that we put wedding purchases on.
First, you're very generous to offer them money to begin with.
Since you have decided to go with the check route, I think it's 100% fine for you to make the check out to your son, with the understanding that it will be used for the wedding. That's what my mother did for us, and I immediately cashed it into an ING fund we both have access to, designated for our wedding.
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Hi...I am the Mother of the Groom.
My husband and I have decided on a certain amount we are going to give them towards the wedding.
I was thinking of opening an account with both my name and my son's name so he could access it as needed.
For those that received help for your wedding, how was it handled?
Thanks