- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I am getting married in less than a week and ever since the night before my bridal shower (two weekends ago) all I want to do is cry. I am so angry, mad, sad at my family and I have no idea what to do.
My mother suffers from PTSD, severe depression, alcoholism, lupus and MS. It has gotten drastically worse over the last year. She hasn’t left the house in over a year, other then an ambulance trip to the hospital last month.
My parents inherited some money, twice. Around the time they inherited money I had just gotten engaged and I asked them if they wanted to contribute to the wedding. They said yes and said we will give you 10k for the wedding. I was so happy, I didn’t ask for a specific ammount and was very grateful. My family is not the best with money….they foreclosed on our home back in 2008 – which really “enhanced” my moms depression. I asked for it all upfront so I could do all of the checkwriting/expense reports (I’m a banker). I also asked for it upfront because I know how my family is, I was just taking extra percausion but I was really hoping this time would be different and that they would manage it.
It’s now a week before the planning, the money they gave us has paid for the wedding, everything is set up to go and now my parents are broke. They don’t have a dime left. As I was worried about this in the first place…..I have been planning this wedding for a year and a half – I was really hoping they would plan and make this money work 🙁
My mother hasn’t been involved in the planning at all…..I will call her with details and try to tell her about the planning. She couldn’t come to the dress shopping, she couldn’t come to anything, because of her illness….I have emailed her pictures, I wanted my mom to be a part of this.
My mother in law hosted a shower and sent out invitations and my mother assured me she was coming and how excited she was. Well this is what started everything. I get a phone call 10pm the night before the shower with her screaming at me. She said she had no money for a gift for the shower…she bought me a kitchenaid mixer a year ago and she told me that was my gift, I was thrilled. I told her mom you already gave me the mixer, you don’t need anything…I just want you to be there. Well she asked me if I saved the box…I said no. This started into a half hour conversation of her yelling at how selfish I am, how I should of saved the box and brought it to the shower. (I am not going to bring an empty box to the shower). I said Mom if you’re that worried about a gift (NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL) why don’t you pick up a card…nothing needs to be in it. Well she hung up on me, I was so sad. The next day at the shower….she never showed.
Now a week before the wedding, everyday I am getting horrible voicemails and phone calls about how I just took the money and ran. How I never involved her in any of the planning, how I spent too much money on a wedding dress…..which she has never seen. How my Fiance parents are not doing enough (they gave us an entire paid for honeymoon, she has put some towards my dress and paid in other areas) she told me how selfish I am being, how I never come over (everyime I come over she is passed out from drinking.) This afternoon I just got a voicemail about how I favor his family, how everything is about his family and how hurt she is. She yelled at me and said how the money they gave us was just not good enough for me and how I needed to have better and fancier. Anything that I wanted extra, I paid for myself.
I just don’t even know what to do. I am having a small wedding….30 people will be there total (including Fiance and I) and now everyday I feel guilty about the choices I have made. I am just sad bees, really really sad. I don’t have the money to pay for their trip….maybe if I knew about all of this months ago, I could of started saving some of my paychecks for them. Everything is paid for at this point.