The wedding is over but something is missing

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mylittleviolett:  maybe you built it up in your mind and had unrealistic expoectations?

If it is still bothering you to the point that you need to post about it months later, I suggest you do one of two things:

-make a conscious decision to  move on

or

– seek some short term counselling.

It is very  draining to have these negative thoughts that you cannot let go of.

 

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’ve been married for six months. If you are still unable to get over the things that went wrong (especially things like the weather)  I really think it might be time to seek some counselling. It isn’t healthy for you to be obsessing over it this way.

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@mylittleviolett:  Can I ask, what was the wedding that you were originally planning?

Post # 7
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Either way, I still maintain it isn’t healthy to obsess over it this way. A wedding is ultimately a big party. Focus this attention on your marriage.

 

Post # 8
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mylittleviolett:  If you are still seeing the therapist, I suggest you talk about the wedding. Clearly, it is still bothering you.

Post # 11
Member
3432 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you have seen a therapist but have not talked about the wedding, it’s time you did talk about it.  Making a conscious decision not to think about something doesn’t really work.  It’s like if you decided to go for the next 5 minutes determined not to think about elephants–I bet you’d find your thoughts constantly going toward elephants.

And if you “finished” therapy without talking about something that has been bothering you for this long, I suggest you go back.

 

Post # 12
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mylittleviolett:  But if  you haven’t even raised the subject of the wedding  with her, the therapist didn’t have all the information she needed. I suggest you book another appointment.

Post # 13
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@mylittleviolett:  I’ve commented on a number of threads like this, so I’m not sure if I’ve posted on one of yours or not (I didn’t bother to check before posting on this one, but I’m pretty sure I recognize your username.)

I experienced similar problems due to some major disappointments from my own wedding day. I obsessed over details of the day, reliving them in my mind, trying to figure out a way to come to terms with some things that happened and some things that did not happen, even though I logically knew that there was no way for me to change the past.

As silly as it may sound to many people, I literally grieved  — deeply — over these missed opportunities for about nine months, and, although I began to turn the corner after that point, I still struggled with sadness and feelings of loss, as if I’d missed out on some extremely special and important experiences in life.

However, I just want to tell you that it really does  get better over time.  One of the things that helped me the most was to realize that God could use even my own disappointments and pain to help others, and that’s one of the primary reasons I joined Weddingbee and am still an active member.

HUGS!

Post # 14
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mylittleviolett:  No, you missed my point.  Your wedding was one day. Your marriage is the rest of your life. I’m not minimizing your wedding, I’m saying you married the man you love, and isn’t it better to have a great marriage than a perfect wedding? If you can’t see that, then I repeat my counselling suggestion.

Post # 15
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@mylittleviolett:  What about having an intimate vow renewal of sorts (normally I’m against vow renewals, but if it’s just you and your husband it’s different) at the location you originally wanted (just you and your husband) and maybe a photographer?  That way you would have had the best of both worlds?? 

Post # 16
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Plan another wedding. Just you and him. Go on a special dates and re-say your vows to each other and light candles and make it perfect. You deserve to feel happy and celebrated. Im sorry everything didn’t go as planned:(

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