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Oh boy. If she's married she really should understand that you'd want that privacy. Even if she's not, you'd think she'd still stay somewhere else--well, I know I would. I'd be honest and just tell her you guys want to be away from everyone that evening and would hope she would change her room and also mention the shuttle.
Agreed - be honest. I'd be very surprised if she didn't understand.
I don't really see why it matters if they are completely seperate rooms. She won't come up to your room in the middle of the night and bother you so why does it matter that she is staying at the same place?
I agree with MissAb- You will both will get in so late from the wedding that it's not like they'll come down the hall to chat. Plus I'm sure either you'll get up early to leave or they will.
I agree with MissAsB...unless the rooms are connected somehow I don't see what it matters. I never really understood why it's necessary to stay in a completely different hotel than your guests. If she wanted to share a room or something, I could see that being a problem. She is probably thinking how it'll be easier for them after a long day, especially if she is staying at the B&B the night before...she wouldn't have to move everything just to go down the road.
We just preferred not to see people from our wedding the morning after until we were ready, or for them to expect us to stay up and after-party with them. Ultimately it's not an earth-shattering problem if they do stay there. But we made a specific effort to stay separtately from everyone else. I worry that if they decide to stay there, then other members of the wedding party may want to as well. I'm sure she'll understand when I talk to her, I just feel bad dictating someone else's actions.
I agree that it doesn't seem necessary for her to move ... but it sounds like you're paying for the room and she wants to stay in it, is that what's happening?
"We just preferred not to see people from our wedding the morning after until we were ready, or for them to expect us to stay up and after-party with them."
The afterparty thing could be a problem, but you just leave and that's that (that's why we planned a sparkler exit and a car getaway, no one could come after us!!) as for seeing people the morning after .... just don't come out of you room till you're good and ready!! :) Or do you mean because it's a small b&b and you'll have to have breakfast with them (no room service?).
I think it would be awkward. B&B's are usually in small houses, what if they hear you or your hear them? I would be honest with her and ask if she wouldn't mind going to the other hotel.
@bluebook - They would pay for the room the night they use it, I'm not worried about that. It's essentially a house, albeit a larger house, so we would definitely have a lot of interaction with anyone else staying there. We would have to have breakfast with them, no room service, or we could skip breakfast.
She's my best friend, so honestly I don't mind her staying there. But FI was really looking forward to some seclusion and I can understand that. I'll talk to her after i get off of work, hopefully she'll understand and not be offended.
I think if you mention offhandedly that you wouldn't want to be uber embarrassed the morning after by having to look at her after you "did the deed" the night before practically in the room next to theirs and that your FI wanted to be secluded from everyone she might take the hint. I honestly think she should pick the hotel because it's your first nite together after getting married, surely she understands that.
I understand where your coming from. It's not like it's some huge chain hotel where ther will be tons of people. It's a small B & B where you will see most everyone who is there.
If All else fails you could book your 2 rooms at the other hotel you want them to stay in for the night before the wedding & then only have you & your new husband go to the B & B on the wedding night. Then she can still stay in the room she was in the night before without moving & she will still be out of your hair.
Or you could just go somwhere else (not the B & B) & not tell anyone where. Then you'll be secluded. You may have to be the one to move; but I guess just do what you have to do if she doesn't understand. But I think she should if you talk to her.
kiddosc: I understand where you are coming from as well. We are also staying in a separate hotel from our party and guests on our wedding night. I do not want to run into anyone over breakfast myself. I look at that night as the start of our honeymoon even though we will be leaving for the airport in the morning. There will be plenty of time to see everyone after our return.
I think if you explain to your MOH that you two have planned these arrangements so that you can be alone she will understand why. My MOH is my best friend as well, and I know she would understand, just talk with her doesn't have to be a big production she will see where you two are coming from its an intamecy thing for your first night as husband and wife not at all personal.
Maybe it's just me, but if I had a choice between a B&B filled with strangers, or being surrounded by people I love, who love me, I would chose the latter.
I completely understand wanting to go on your honeymoon and not have people you know at the same hotel. We're staying a different hotel from our family, friends and wedding party.
I'd talk to her and explain that you wanted some seclusion and alone time with your new husband and you'd prefer for her to stay at the hotel with everyone else. I'm sure she'll completely understand.
I can definitely see your point.
We're having our wedding at a small Inn that just my parents and the wedding party are staying in the night of the wedding. We are also blocking off some rooms at another hotel further in the city. I think I just had it in my mind that our real seclusion time would come once we leave for our honeymoon. We are also having brunch as a group the day after the wedding though, so it's a weekend event essentially I guess...
I had this same exact situation at my sisters wedding. She wanted me and FI to stay with her the night before. I slept in the bed with her in the suite, FI slept in an adjoining room we had to rent out separately, but had a connecting door. My Mom was pushing for me and FI to stay in that adjoining room the night of the actual wedding so we wouldn't have to pay for our own room (she was offering to pay) and I refused as I thought it would be really weird/creepy to be even that close to the bride and groom on their wedding night. Instead I requested a separate room far away from the bride and groom on another floor and passed up the free room offer. There were several people staying at this hotel (4 seasons) so it wasn't an issue of being in the same hotel, just too close.
If I were you, I would tell yoru sister the truth. It's not too much to ask as it's your wedding night and your plan has fallen into place otherwise. I don't think she would be inconvenienced having to stay at the other hotel and she should have thought of this on her own already!
I can definitely see wanting some seclusion. You would be officially on your honeymoon and it would be nice to just be with your new hubby for a little while. B&Bs tend to be close and you do see other guests. It's not like you can pretend they aren't there if you run into them. Having to skip breakfast at a bed and breakfast is no fun. I sympathize with you. Only you know your friend well enough to say that she wouldn't mind you asking her not to stay there. I would go ahead and ask--did she get a secluded wedding night? You might appeal to her sensibilities on that.
I asked my bf about this and he said: "I would ask them to stay somewhere else. I'd want to be alone and I'm sure they made their share of requests for their own wedding."
if she's your bff, she'll understand that you want some private time in the room that you already reserved.. i am surprised she asked in the first place, to be honest.
I understand where you're coming from, but I also don't think this is a big deal. On our wedding night- after we drove home a drunk guest at 5 a.m. we couldn't check in and ended up on the floor in a room with my brother and his girlfriend.
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I need your opinions hive!
I'm staying at a small bed and breakfast, that's closer to our venue than the hotel we blocked rooms at, with my bridesmaids the night before the wedding. The plan was to get two rooms there, and then get ready in the larger suite in the morning. FI and I would then stay in that suite the night of the wedding while everyone else stayed at the other hotel. I told my MOH of this plan and she now wants to keep the second room from the night before for her and her husband the night of the wedding. Is it rude for me to tell her that FI and I wanted to stay separate from everyone else, and ask her to stay at the other hotel? We are providing a shuttle back to the hotel after the reception, so driving distance won't be an issue. I feel nasty telling her to please stay elsewhere, but also really disappointed that FI and I might not have the seclusion and alone time we were hoping for? What do you guys think?