- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Roughly 5 months away from the wedding, we are almost done with planning. Most of the big stuff is all taken care of. This is where disaster strikes.
From the start, my parents have not been into wedding planning. While they were initially generous enough to offer pay thousands of dollars for my wedding, they have had no real interest in the big or little details of the event, and I have mostly been planning my wedding on my own. Contracts have been signed, deposits are in.
My father told me today that he does not want me to have a big wedding, the wedding that I have been planning for months. He told me that he has used most of the money that he and my mother have set aside for years specifically for my wedding to pay off all of their bills, all the while knowing that I was in the process of booking vendors and paying deposits to them. He said that he does not like the idea of “paying to feed people he doesn’t even like” and would prefer for me to have a very small intimate wedding for just the immediate family, literally, my fiance and I, our siblings, best friends (my MOH and his Best Man), and my parents (my FI no longer has his parents). He said that he would not mind spending a significant amount of money on a tiny wedding for the important people, and that it is within his means to do so. He also said he would give me what remains of the wedding fund (a decent amount) if we do not go through with a big wedding.
My mother does not know what we should do. She has offered to sell some of her inherited jewelry that never gets worn in order to pay for the original ‘big’ wedding, but I feel terrible about making her do that. At the same time, I am hurt and confused that my parents did not tell me that they were spending the wedding money. It is their money, of course, to spend as they please, but they told me the money was to be used for one thing, and then spent it on another. If they would have told me that they needed the wedding money for other things, I wouldn’t have gone and booked vendors, given them money, and gotten excited about a wedding that it now looks like I’m not going to have.
Aside from everything between my parents and I, I am absolutely humiliated at what I will tell my friends and extended family if we cancel the wedding. My Save the Dates have been mailed out, my friends have been telling me how much they are looking forward to my wedding, and I know it will cause a stir in my extended family if I just elope. Even if my parents did have the money for the wedding (via selling the jewlery), I know my father is not into having the wedding at all, and going through with a big expensive party that would make him miserable would make me so unhappy. My fiance and I are both graduate students, and although we have promising career trajectories, we are certainly not making any sort of serious money right now to pay for a wedding.
Bees, I am so hurt..,. sad, and furious. I don’t really know what to do.