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hmmmm....yeah it does sound wierd, but everyone's libido is different. he may be stressed about work or genuinely tired. i now since my new husband took on a few more projects. "twister" has tappered off some, just because he's working like 11 hours a day. he may just be wierded out about 'doing it' in your parents house. whenever we go visit my parents, I can never bring myself to do it.
have you tried to initiate? sexy under? have you brooched the subject with him?
I think you should talk to him. maybe he has some feelings he's not sharing.
You could just be going through a dry spell... I would talk to him about it. During our engagment we had a bit of a drought and it lasted until about two weeks after the wedding. I was beginning to freak out because we had sex only once on our honeymoon, and I thought it was totally odd, honeymoons are supposed to be about sex right? But now six weeks later, we're back into the swing of things. Sometimes the stress of planning a wedding, and in my husbands case, planning a honeymoon, get's to your libido. Talk to him and let him know how you feel.
I agree with northerazbride about the sex thing. Weddings are stressful for both the bride and groom. I'll be honest, we've both talked about it, and we're okay with not having a ton of sex on our honeymoon. We're not having a ton now, and we're very open about it and we both agree that it's just the stress of planning the wedding, and a few other things that have gone wrong over the past few weeks. We started talking about the honeymoon, and we both looked at each other and said, "I want to make SLEEP a priority on our honeymoon!" Haha. I know we'll get back into the swing of things after it's all over. It probably takes time to adjust, but talking about it is key.
However, it does concern me that he chooses spending time with his friends over you. That's definitely odd, and I'm not sure what could explain that. I would suggest that you guys set-up a weekly date night. Ours is every Friday and we never miss it (unless we have friends and family in town or something). That way, no matter how hectic things get, you guys will always have one date a week, and couples really need that to stay connected.
That is a bit odd but nothing you can't overcome. I'm not one to spend too much time wondering, I'd ask. I bet its just residual stress from the wedding. It takes everyone time to unwind. Also, maybe he isn't happy about living in your parents house? It's great that they're so accomodating but I'm sure its not ideal, could he be internalizing those feelings? All in all, you'll have to have another talk. Just try not to let it escalate into fight (easier said then done, I know).
Good luck :o)
Thanks to the above Bees for responding. I'll be grateful for any other posters.
Yeah, we'll have to talk, but to be honest, I'm sick of talking...and it cannot be my parents' house that's causing this drought. Throughout our dating, there was NEVER a problem with hanky panky in my parents' house. And he works 8 hours a day and has no new projects or stresses.
Spending all this time with this friend(s), is very concerning. Especially because at work, it's not a bunch of "boys" swinging back beers. It's mixed company, including married men and women that tend to stay out late frequently and leave their hubbies and kids at home. And at one informal company party, it was made clear that no significant others are wanted. I made my feelings clear about it and he promised not to participate in these parties again. We'll see....
One other issue with this staying out with friends thing. His best friend hardly talks to me and almost, I would say, avoids talking to me. He's most talkative when he's a bity tipsy, I would say. Does anybody else have this issue? My best friends are on good terms with my husband and have never shunned from a conversation with him.
I think these informal company parties with no SO's thing is really weird. What company doesn't encourage your spouse to come?? What kind of party was that? Strange
I think you literally need to sit him down and say "listen...we gotta talk" and let him know he's abandoning you and you are worried about all the partying he's doing.
My guys' friends aren't always super chatty to me. They say hello and are cordial, but it's not like, "hey ejs, i'mma sit with you and chat".
But, you know, it COULD be the parents' house that's causing problems. No matter how cool/laid back/whatever your parents are, it always feel different to be "the spouse" living with the in-laws. It's hard to see when it's your own parents. Maybe he feels emasculated or annoyed in general and wants away? It all sounds like there is something going on underneath it all.
I agree, these company get-togethers sound really odd. Relationships are about balance. It's fine that he wants to spend time with his buddies and everything... but not at the expense of your happiness and sense of security in the marriage. You two are married now and you should really be at the tippy top of his priority list. Do you feel like the issues you were having before the wedding have been resoloved? You said you were fighting a lot and he began to withdraw, does it feel the same now? or does it feel worse?
I just thought I would throw out there that my husband started hanging out with his friend more just before the wedding and after. His friend was the best man and involved in the wedding so they got together to discuss things and of course hang out. They reconnected (not that they ever fell apart, just they'd go awhile without catching up) because of the wedding and now hang out more often. Maybe that could be something of the case? What if you went out with your friends sometimes? Maybe he's a bit put off by you wanting to be with him so often that it makes him resist more. I do that with some things too, resist the more my husband pushes. If left otherwise to myself, I generally end up doing what it is he was asking about, just at my own pace.
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Fellow Bees, please help...
We've been together for 5.5 years and got married last week.
2 months prior to our wedding we were fighting a lot...He started going out with friends more, being a bit more distant. We worked it out, fought a few more times, even had the , "omg are we doing the right thing" talk. I was at one point so upset that I wanted to cancel the wedding, but we talked and things got better. He reassured me he needs me and can't see himself without me.
Then, a week before the wedding, he went out with work friends, didn't come home (his mother's home) for the night. Had another fight, but he apologized profusely, even cried and said he'd never do this again.
In all of this mentioned above, we had sex like 3 times. I was stressed, upset and so on. He kept going after me though, so it wasn't that bad, as though our libidos were both gone.
So..we got married. The wedding night was a loss, b/c we both collapsed. The next night we went to a B & B and everything was amazing. Skip to 4 days later. He moved into my parents' house (since that's where we'll be living for the next year or so). My parents are not intrusive and really work to make him feel at home. They truly stay out of our way. We have our own bedroom. And yet, every night, he's just fallen asleep. No going after me in bed (or outside of it). Not even passionate kisses, NOTHING. Doing it in my bedroom was NEVER a problem before. What's even odder is that the first day that he went to work, I suggested lunch together, and he said, I'd rather talk with my friends, tell them about our wedding. We did have lunch, but even then, he wanted to go back to work pretty quickly.
Tonight, our first Friday night as a married couple, he's going out with his best bud.
What are your thoughts on this?? Because to me, there is something pretty wrong with this whole thing. A man should want to spend time with his wife a week he got married.