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Hm... I can see this maybe if she won't know any other people there at all and she feels like you wouldn't even notice if she was there? I would be uncomfortable going to a wedding in that situation. but I'd prob suck it up and go anyways... and if I wasn't going to go I'd sure make up a better excuse :)
Will she know other people at the wedding, or just you and your fiance? If she doesn't know anyone else, I can see her point, although I wouldn't have told it to your face.
Wow you would think that if she loves you guys so much she would be honoured to be there!
Maybe this was her way of trying to get your attention so that you would spend some time wither her! Could you and your FI get together with her a few times over the next 3 months?
It's not like you expect to get tons of one on one time with the bride and groom at a wedding, but as long as you are dancing and having fun you should certainly get time to casually talk and have fun with the bridea and groom. Totally selfish on her part to have said that to you. She sounds needy to me.
Still! If she's your friend, she should be there to support YOU...not because there might or might not be other people she could hang out with! A wedding isn't really necessarily all about hanging out with the bride and groom one on one for an extended period of time, but to go, show support, smile, and be a good friend!
Sorry you had to hear that from her--I'd be taken aback/offended too!
Wow that is pretty selfish! She should be honored to be invited to your wedding and want to see you guys get married, not be upset that she won't get to spend enough alone time with you. The bride and groom are so busy on their wedding day the only alone time they get is when they have to pee :-P
She will know a number of people at the wedding but if that was the case then why don't you say that or say that you just don't think you can afford it. I am pretty easy going and I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
That is definitely a weird excuse. No one is ever going to be able to spend a ton of time with the bride and groom. I think it's a pretty lame excuse for not wanting to attend.
My best excuse that I got was that a guy was going golfing with his friend that unexpectedly decided to come to town. A week before my wedding he told me that. There are always some people...
@Miss Short Dress
EDIT I see you deleted a certain comment so I shall delete my response :)
Sorry but that's just dumb.
It sounds like there is another reason and she doesn't want to share. Fine. But if you're gonna lie, at least make it a good one!
A wedding is about celebrating the couple and supporting them. Not everyone knows each other but everyone does know the bride and groom.
No offense to your friend but she sounds like she's needy and insecure and maybe a little jealous of the attention that will be on you that day?
It's not your job to hold her hand on your wedding day.
Ugh.
Is this her first wedding? I'm only asking b/c maybe she doesn't know how it works?
Ugh. That's annoying. Can you tell her that you're really sad that she won't be able to make it. I actually got one of my friends to change her reply from a "no" to a "yes" just like that... with only a small amount of guilt. Our worst one comes from FI's best friend from childhood.
He has to go to a car race.
WTF, seriously? A car race? This car race may be important to him, but it happens *every year*. You'd think he would skip it just this once for his susposed best friend's wedding!
That sounds absurd. You don't go to a wedding to spend time alone with the couple, you go to celebrate their marriage! Two completely different things. It sounds to me like she just doesn't want to go (jealousy, sadness, whatever) and that is just what came out of her mouth. I'd let it go and allow her to deal with her own issues.
That's definitely weird! It seems as though she is approaching it from the perspective of "what's in it for me?" and ignoring that you wanted her to come celebrate (hence you invited her).
Hmmm.....Will it be far for her to travel? Just to add my two cents I went to a wedding where I knew a lot of people but I had to take 2 days off of work and drive 15 hours (I couldn't afford a plan ticket). I get there on a Friday and can't get a hold of anyone I know so I spend the night alone in my hotel room. Saturday, wedding day I meet up with a group of people and we spend about an hour together for lunch, then its back to the hotel alone. Wedding night I saw the bride maybe once? The Sunday I had to drive back early. If I could do it over again I would skip out. I am really good friends with these people and I'm glad I got to see the two married but it cost me so much money and wasn't worth it, I should have just arranged a trip to hang out with them one weekend. Maybe thats where she's coming from???
My husband's sister said she didn't want to come with her three kids because they didn't have any clean socks or nice shoes, and she didn't want to bother buying them new ones.
Basically, she just didn't want to come. We were PISSED (and still kind of are).
That is weird.
In May I went to the wedding of a college friend who lives on the other side of the country. I hadn't seen her in two years and barely spent any time with her, but I am SO GLAD I went. I feel like I got to share in a huge part of her life. Friendship is often about just being there, not necessarily personal attention.
I would understand if she knew NO ONE but you and your FI and would feel totally alone and left out. Otherwise, yeah, that's weird.
The weirdest response I heard was "we can't leave for the weekend because we have to bond with our dog".
How about the following excuse "im just really busy and have alot of errands to run"
You have errands...really? You couldnt run to the bank/dry cleaners/grocery store before or after the wedding?
Is this a passive-aggressive way to say she is annoyed with you: did you give her a plus 1 on her invitation? (Just as an example...maybe she doesn't want to spend the money to be lonely all night, or maybe she doesn't want to find a date, etc.)
It is a poor excuse as far as the world of etiquette goes but is she trying to tell you something about your relationship? Sometimes it's hard to communicate with a bride because no one wants to ruin expectations.
@Miss Short Dress: Yeah this isn't good. Whether she's feeling insecure or feels alone at your wedding shouldn't matter on your big day. She should just be there for you like a good friend should be. Shame on your friend!
Hmm. Perhaps your 'friend' should remember that the day is not about HER, it's about celebrating the BRIDE and GROOM's marriage. Yes, she's rude, but if she could honestly say what she did to you, I wouldn't waste the energy trying to make her see how rude and hurtful she's being. Her loss.
Hope you have a wonderful wedding!
@Miss Chapstick: If one of our siblings didn't show up at the wedding I think I'd breath fire I'd be so mad! Talk about a non-reason too!
We have two family members who have to "go out of town" that weekend. On a trip that they just planned. Um, hello, you knew our wedding date ELEVEN MONTHS AGO. Could you NOT have picked a different weekend?
I mean, ok, so I'm having my wedding on 4th of July. I guess I didn't realize what an important "holiday" this is to people. I actually had a friend tell me she has a "ritual" that she does on 4th of July that she "can't miss". Really? A ritual? Are you sacrificing baby lambs that day?
I have given her a plus 1 so that she can bring her girlfriend and this is not the first wedding she has been to. She is coming from a long distance away (3 hour flight) and she does work for herself so she doesn't really get paid vacation. All of that I would totally understand as excuses not to come. She has always been kind of possessive with the time she wants to spend with me. The whole thing kind of hurt because she does think of us as such good friends why wouldn't she want to celebrate this day with me.
I'm really thinking maybe she thought personalizing her excuse would be better than saying I don't want to spend the time or money to come to your wedding. But thats just my opinion 
My grandma said she can't stand the dry air here and that plane ride are miserable. I was SO excited she didn't want to come (not my favorite person in the world), but now she's change her mind. Boo! :-(
Crap. That was rude.
My best was one of my bridesmaids telling me THREE days before the wedding that she couldn't make it, because she had to take all of her vacation the month before, or lose it. It was the first I'd heard of it! Why wait until THREE days before the freakin' wedding to tell me?!?
Honestly, that's just insulting. Saying (or implying) that your wedding is a "waste of time"? Could she not think of a better excuse? There are plenty of acceptable ones, including previous plans and not being able to afford it. But saying that she's not coming because she won't get to spend alone time with you is laughable!
Yes, that response is a little ridiculous and not very considerate, but maybe she's feeling left out. If she's a very close friend, would you want to invite her to the rehearsal & dinner or even ask if she would like to get ready the day of the wedding with you? Maybe a little more time with just you (or just you a the wedding party, etc) would make her feel like it is worth the trip.
She may earnestly believe that a 3 hour flight and lost work time is not worth spending only a few minutes with you. If you can't include her in more (like rehearsal, getting ready), maybe you could invite her to visit on another weekend. That way she will get to spend a couple days with you after a (fairly) long flight & make it seem more worth missing work. I know it's probably hard to see it from her side and that you probably don't have a ton of time to spend a whole weekend with her, but maybe you could have her come visit to help a few weeks before the wedding or set up a weekend for her to come visit a month or two after the wedding.
I know its hard to see why a friend wouldn't think it's "worth" coming to your wedding, but maybe she should have used different words to say she wanted more time with you or that she would rather visit on a weekend when you would actually get a spend a substantial amount of time together.
my aunt and uncle aren't coming to our wedding in august because they are going on a cruise in september. they're retired, do not have money problems, and haven't seen us in 6 years. plus my uncle just had surgery for esophageal cancer this past year and we would really like to see him. makes no sense?
your excuse is just as weird. sounds like she doesn't want to or can't come for some reason and is totally just making some lame excuse as to why. my fiance use to make excuses like that when we first started dating and i wanted him to come home with me to visit my family. he would always say that he had to get his oil changed that weekend. it became a running joke between us and now we say it when we don't want to do something.
FI's Grandma (who never responded to us officially) said to someone "well if I go I'll just ruin the wedding" WTF? I firmly believe some people just don't think things thru before they talk.
I think I'd be telling her that if that is her only reason for not coming, then she isn't likely to be seeing much more of me in the future either...I mean, seriously? That's one of those comments that you just don't make. Either she comes happily or declines and makes up a less hurtful excuse.
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My friend told me that she doesn't think she is going to come to my wedding because she won't get to spend enough alone time with me. Really?? What am I suppose to say to that. She says that she really misses hanging out with my FI and I but she thinks coming out for the wedding is a waste of time off because she is hardly going to see me.
Am I crazy or is this really selfish?