(Closed) The ‘what if’ game maybe a hint that he’s not ready

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think guys associate getting married with the actual price of a wedding…an often they have NO idea how much everything costs.  If I asked my FI what he would do with a million dollars he would for sure go on for 3 hours about his dream cars, even though I know he’s super excited about the wedding.  

I wouldn’t be worried about it, especially since you guys have talked directly about it.  I feel like that convo is way more insightful than trying to infer from a “what if” type of situation.

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

FI and I always play the “what if” game and our wedding is never included in the things that he would do with the money. Its not that he doesn’t care about our wedding its just that he’s a man and they don’t think about weddings like we do. If we won the lottery, I see a huge lavish wedding to top that of celebrities. He see’s new sports cars and a trip to Italy. 

I really don’t think that the “what if” game is any way to judge his readiness to marry you. 

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

When we play the what if/lotto game he ALWAYS says that he would first of all get me my ring. But that’s because it’s been over 4 years and he knows how important an ering is to me…so he’s starting to feel the pressure lol.

That said, I don’t think that it’s a hint that your SO doesn’t want to get engaged/married just because he doesn’t say it. Men usually don’t think about this kind of stuff as much as us ladies do.

It sounds like marriage is his intention and he wants to propose within the year, so don’t stress it! It seems like y’all are on the same page!

Post # 7
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

@mg1363: Same here- my SO has a huge refund check coming in the next few weeks and even if he didn’t, he is expecting a huge law suit settlement (hopefully soon so we can use that to pay for the wedding) and he has always mentioned getting the ring with either lump sums he is expecting especially since I have been waiting for about 1.5 years now. I explained to my SO after I had our son, that if he wanted to be with me and our son, he had to go in 100% and that I wouldn’t be waiting too much longer after all of the reasons he couldn’t propose resolved themselves (like uneployment and etc.)

Post # 9
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think that necessarily means that he doesn’t want to get married.  To a lot of guys (and girls) the expense of a wedding is as much an obligation as a celebration.  Also, if you haven’t started looking at specific venues and caterers with him, he may not realize how much it’s going to cost.  My fiance used to want a wedding in the 1-5k budget range… with 100 guests, Saturday night dinner, open bar, and an entire weekend-long party.

Post # 10
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

When anyone get asked what they are going to do with a boatload of money, never have a heard anyone say “Save up for my wedding.” It’s just not what people want to do with surplus cash. They want to buy nices cars, nice houses, set up funds for family, go in vacations. They would do things they can’t otherwise afford.

Most people don’t have millions of dollars and weddings still happen regardless. I wouldn’t at all feel sad about this. It’s just the way people think. If it really is bothering you that much, next time he asks you a “what if” about money, just say you would set some aside for your future wedding so it can be what you have always dreamed of. Maybe he’ll get a hint.

Post # 11
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Entangled: I find it funny how guys think that it’s under 5K for a wedding. My SO fortunately has a clue…because every other friend we have is married or is getting married!

So far…he’s been to one wedding around the 50K range and three around the 10-15K pricetag. All the three weddings were intimate and small, and I think that’s where we’d be if we were to get married.

But knowing his tastes I think he’d be OK with a 20-30K wedding, as long as some debt has been paid off and there’s some money has been saved up for a house.

Post # 12
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, firstly, your BF sounds soooo lovely! Concentrate on the things he did say he’d spend his money on – looking after his family, spending some time travelling with you….. It sounds like the guy has some pretty great qualities right there!!

He’s probably just being a man – weddings don’t factor into their thoughts like they do ours. I think it must be genetic…..

It doesn’t mean that it’s not what he wants though. You guys have talked weddings and marriage, so don’t fret – he’s just being a man 😀 xxx

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