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I'm acutally in this situation now. I found out I was pregnant 3 months before I was supposed to be in a wedding. I of course had to tell her because of dress situation. I also found out I was pregnant 9 months before my wedding. Talk about YIKES!
I probably wouldn't tell her right away if I didn't have to...if possible, I would wait until after the first trimester. If dress shopping comes up in the first trimester, though, I would tell her.
@Mrs Sarah McK: Agreed. I'd wait until I was more comfortable with the progression of my pregnancy, but if her wedding events come up before our big announcement, I'd privately confide in her and let her plan from there.
One of my BMs was in this situation and Mr.ND and I gladly held their secret until they shared with everyone. It was nice of them to allow us the extra time to shift some plans around re: the BP.
I've had the opposite happen to me, so I'd say tell her sooner! FSIL knew she was pregnant when we OK'd our date with her even though her due date was the same week as the wedding date. She said that date was fine with her (the wedding is 1000 miles away from where she and FI's parents live). So, we start planning. Later on she told us she was pregnant and the due date and we've had to change everything around to ensure that she can be there and to make sure FI's parents don't have to pick between the wedding and the birth of their first grandchild. I'm super excited for FSIL and FBIL, but frustrated that it cost us lots of stress and a few $1000 because she didn't want to tell us when we asked her about the date.
If she has you as a BM, she's clearly a good friend and would be psyched for you and keep it a secret.
if you are really good friends, then i would think it makes sense to let her know as soon as you are comfortable. I told our parents, siblings and my (4?) very best friends I was pregnant in the first trimester. I think the waiting to tell people thing is for the "general public" and people often tell those closest to them earlier. But I would def. tell her before any dress shopping if you don't want to earlier!
Thanks!
This what if situation I don't want to own up to as it is suuuper early. She did ask today when we could go BM dress shopping.
I will seriously cry telling her and know life happens, I feel awful, but of course on the flip side if all goes well.....well we'll have a baby!
I delayed dress shopping until 3rd weekend in March. First two weekends I have work stuff on weekends, so that should buy me some time and then I can see what happens on the day to day earlieness of things and then will figure things out when we get to mid-March.
Yikes!!
@Beebug: Congrats!
My girlfriend cried to her husband numerous times before she called me, and she was so sad on the phone. But I was STOKED! Bummed she couldn't be in my wedding for all of 2 seconds, but then I was all 'YAY BABY!!' Believe me, a good friend may have just a twinge of sadness, but really, babies are awesome, I'm sure she'll understand. The more notice the better, once you're comfortable sharing, of course.
@Beebug: I know you want to keep it a secret, but just as heads up-- you might want to consider telling her ahead of going dress shopping, and as soon as you can. If I knew one of my BM's would need a maternity dress, that would affect the styles of dresses I'd be considering. (I'm saying this because one of my BM's is trying to get pregnant and may need a maternity dress 8 months from now, and I'm making sure that she will be able to get a dress that fits. If I didn't know, I might have excluded any maternity-friendly options early on). But I don't know where y'all are shopping - hopefully this bride is letting her bridesmaids try styles that are available in maternity sizes. Best wishes!
I definitely would tell her early. I'd probably wait a few weeks, at least until after the first doctor's appointment, but since you are in the wedding I assume she is a really good friend, so I'd be ok with telling her early.
Although, thinking about it, that would probably push me to tell other people a little faster-- like I'd feel like my siblings should know before a friend, etc. But still, yeah I think you should give her the heads up.
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You find out you're pregnant (yay)
Your hopeful due date (if all goes well) is right around a wedding you have been asked to be part of (bridesmaid, MC, etc)
Do you tell that friend sooner than you tell most people about the pregnancy to be polite? If you wait and are asked to go BM dress shopping you go knowing full well in the coming months there is no way in heck that dress will fit and you won't be able to make the wedding.
What would you do?