Post # 1
I am the bride in this thread http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/please-be-honest-1
Here is my side, I puposely left a lot out so you wouldn’t be biased before. First the children are 4 and 9 months at the wedding, my future sil and her husband made it clear they are not arriving to get ready with us or staying late at night past the kids bed time. I invited them to have a room at the mansion, all of which we are paying for, they declined 3 times. We gave the room to another member of the bridal party. The mansion has very strict rules about guests and children because it is a historical landmark. We have a max occupancy of 60 people I have family I cant invite because of it. The nanny regardless of if she eats of not is an adult in the space counting toward occupancy. Think fire code not me being cheap. Children can only be in the rooms when watched by an adult who is a guest of the house, aka checked into a room. My fmil will be there as well as other future sil neither in the bridal party. As far as duties she has none besides showing up. I let each girl decided if they wanted to get ready with me with she doesn’t want the hair dine pampered experience so she declined.
I offered them a room at another hotel she declined I suggested the nanny take the kids to go out then return them after the ceremony, I told her to walk down the isle and have her sister hand her the baby a d hold him during the ceremony, I offered to reimburse her for her dress is she wants to drop out. None of it was acceptable
In all fairness this is not the first issue with her or the women in that family so am I over them and the bs yes, but do we have room no. I am glad I don’t I don’t want to give in to her but on this issue I can’t. So thats the whole story.
Post # 3
@selena12312: Ok. I’m a little confused about the point of the original post/question. How does it help to ask opinions if you leave out half the facts? If you choose to have a wedding venue that cannot even hold your entire family that is your choice. Also the decision to ask both parents of a 9 month old baby to be in the wedding was your choice. I cannot imagine being expected to hold a 9 month old baby, standing up, dressed up, presumably in heels, for an entire wedding ceremony. At any rate, as you’ve already pointed out, this is not the first issue with her or his family and still you asked her to be in the wedding, what did you expect?
Post # 4
So I asked her before she got pregnant not after. I tried to leave out anything that sounded like I was tipping the scales to my side on purpose. Yes the venue we picked was up to us but if I cut family why the hell would I want a nanny I have never set eyes on before taking up a spot. The issues with her happened after I asked her obviously or I wouldnt have. She got pregnant 3 months, maybe more, after we asked them both and they accepted. for the record the child they are worried about is the 4 year old who cant behave not the baby. If she doesny want to hold her own baby I a dress why bring the kids? I will be holding my children in my wedding dress throughout the night not sure how thats a reason to bring a nanny
Post # 5
if you want them there, allow the nanny to come. if you don’t, don’t allow the nanny to come. easy enough.
Post # 6
@selena12312: “ I offered to reimburse her for her dress is she wants to drop out. None of it was acceptable“.
Wait, are you saying she’s refusing to drop out of the bridal party? Because it seems to me that, from here, the best solution is one or both of them drop out of the wedding party and attend as regular guests.
Post # 7
@bebero: she explained quite clearly that she cannot have the nanny at the ceremony or reception. not that she doesn’t want her there. from the original post:
The mansion has very strict rules about guests and children because it is a historical landmark. We have a max occupancy of 60 people I have family I cant invite because of it. The nanny regardless of if she eats of not is an adult in the space counting toward occupancy. Think fire code not me being cheap. Children can only be in the rooms when watched by an adult who is a guest of the house, aka checked into a room.