The "Witch" SIL

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@CookieCreamCakes:  

Let it go.

I’m going to share a story with you. I’m a lot older than you (age 52) and something very, very similar to this happened in my family many years ago. My cousin married a woman who behaved very much like the way you’re describing your SIL. Everyone in the family hated her. She was cold, unfriendly, etc. etc. — all the things you’re describing.

As it turns out, she was a deeply unhappy person and was struggling with some personal problems. That’s not an excuse for her bad manners, I know.

But over time she softened up and worked out her issues and became a much nicer person.

Today she is so sweet and kind and thoughtful, you wouldn’t believe she is the same person as the b*tch we all saw at first.

Don’t take your SIL’s behavior personally. There’s no need to confront her on it. It has nothing at all to do with you. She is floating along in her own little sea of misery. Let her go. Let her nasty comments go. It’s not worth it. 

DO keep things smooth between you and your brother, though, because at some point he’s probably going to need advice on how to cope with this. 

Post # 4
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  My sisters boyfriend is a lot like that, and it drives me insane! I feel for you! 

I think that out of respect for your family and your new nephew that it all needs to come out in the open. I would have a big ole’ come to Jesus talk with her. And I would bring up the points that you have mentioned. I would say that you would like to be closer with her and your brother, but you feel constantly attacked. I would ask if you did anything, if there are any harboring negative thoughts, and just generally what is going on. 

She doesn’t have to like you, she doesn’t have to be friends with you, and she doensn’t have to like your family. But she damn sure needs to be cordial and at the very least respectful. 

I would be firm with her, and let her know that you mean buisness. I definitely wouldn’t do it over facebook or online at all though. Good luck! 

ETA: I’m not saying that you should be rude to her, or in anyway encourage a fight. But I know I cannot stand walking on eggshells every family get together personally. That’s why I would talk to her about it personally. 

 

Post # 5
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think calling her out is the way to go here. I don’t think she needs another reason to be rude to you and your family.

In regards to the Facebook comment, I would just ignore it. Don’t justify her rudeness with a response.

Have you tried to talk to your brother about the relationship? Try to stay positive an tell him you’d like to be closer but feel like it’s not possible. The worst possible outcome would be to be rude (back) to his wife and put him in a position where he has to “choose sides.” 

Post # 6
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

@BelliniChic:  +1  I’ve had a SIL in my previous marriage that was like this. We were young and she was just plain nasty, fake, rude.  But the longer I was married to my xDH and was around my xSIL (xDH’s brother’s wife)…and the older we got, the older our kids got, the better we got along. Also, because we had more things in common as we got older.

it takes time, years and age.  Just continue to be nice. Don’t start family drama or be involved in it.  It’s really not worth it because in the end, you know what, everyone will get along, no matter how long it will take for it to happen.  

 

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