Post # 1
Some of you may be aware of the challenges my future in laws have caused me during my planning (buying the same dress as my mum, in the same colour but the short version, sneaking around so they would look “better” than my side, snidey comments, missing dress fittings for football games). His sister went and bought shoes for the wedding, and hid them from me for 3 months, even although she knew I wanted the girls to wear the same shoes as their dresses are different. She told me she’s made plans to go around every hairdressers in the resort to find one who makes her hair “wow”, and has refused to tell me how she’s wearing her hair.
FMIL’s brother caused a massive fight in our engagement party so I didn’t want him at our wedding reception – I got bullied into having him. Although still have never received an apology for the punch up he caused.
Well it was my hen night on Saturday, and I didn’t invite FMIL because she sent hate mail to me and my mum, through the post about 5 weeks before the wedding. The letter made comments about my little niece who was born an angel, digs about my mothers first marriage and just poison in general. Aparently my mum had asked her to back off, so FMIL worte this letter, and posted it 3 weeks after the arguement – which I didn’t even know had taken place!
My best maid had booked a limo with champagne to take me for dinner on my hen night. The limo was meant to be a surprise, but my chief bridesmaid had to tell me so I could pick other guests to take their places, because the 2 BM’s I have on his side (his sister and cousin) refused to go in it. The sister refused to leave the football early, and the cousin (wait for it!) didn’t want her mum to walk into dinner herself. So they waited until after dinner, when I was on the dancefloor to pull me into a corridor and his aunt to get up in my face about not inviting FMIL. She told me she was taking my two bridesmaids away right now, and that I had ruined everything. Bearing in mind the woman sent me hate mail 3 weeks ago and I’ve still had no apology.
Then the next day (sunday) the cousin and the sister are making jokes on face book about it!
What would you do?
Post # 4
I wish I had somethigng helpful to say, but I don’t. I find it absolutely ridiculous that these people lack the ability to act like adults. Regardless, they will soon be your family and as corny as it sounds, all you can really do is be the bigger person. Now, I’m not saying that you should be a doormat nor comply with everything they say, but rather ignore them as politely as you can. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. Perhaps your future husband can have a chat with his family about respecting the woman who is going to be his wife. Just remember, your wedding is about ouryou and your future husband and you do not deserve to be bulllied. If they don’t like it and your future husband can’t talk some sense into them, then they don’t need to be a part of your lives. It’s not ideal, obviously, but you can only control yourself and your own behavior and they need to be responsible for themselves and their actions because their adults and it is absurb for them to be acting this way.
Post # 5
Oh wow, I really don’t know. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of something. All I can think of are things that would be very rash and unladylike and probably just give them things to use as ammunition against you.
I want to say to delete them off your facebook, call them out on sneaking around, tell them they are a far cry from being anywhere near as kind, gracious and accepting as you and the women in your family. Then flip them the bird, because honestly, those are the feelings that reading this post gives me towards all those uppity, self-entitled, clueless, snarky women you’re having to deal with.. (actually, my mind imagined much more explicit and pointed reactions than this paragraph even came close to conveying..)
But that probably wouldn’t do…
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I wish I was able to come up with something more helpful. 🙁 Hang in there and keep doing whatever is most true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable in whatever situation you find yourself in. Maybe they’ll finally recognize how shameful they’ve been on their own…
Post # 6
First of all, sorry that you’re having to deal with all this drama. It sounds like your future inlawas are behaving in a very immature way. You could try and talk to them but they may not change their behaviour, some people are just very awkward and self centred. One thing to remember though is that many people who are not getting married themselves do not really understand the importance of the day to the people involved, and see the wedding more like any party so theymay not realise how upsetting their behaviour is.
As for your FMIL, I would just ignore her. If she wants to be difficult that’s her choice. try to rise above it and just enjoy your wedding and the time leading up to it. Everyone will see that she is the one causing issues and being awkward if you just deal with her calmly. She’s obviously a troublemaker and I wouldn’t give her the time of day, you can spend your energy in much better ways!
How does your FI handle this situation, it seems like the people causing trouble are all his relatives? So really he should be the one to speak to his family and tell them this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. I would get your FI to deal with his family (and you can to do the stern talk to yours).
Post # 7
Thanks ladies, my FI is going to drive out and speak to them about their behaviour tonight. They had me in tears the night we got engaged also. There is a religious problem, they do not like me because I am not Catholic – but I do not think I deserve this treatment.
Will update when he has spoken to them – I’m dreading this. His dad was threatening to come to our door last night x
Post # 8
I remember some of your earlier posts, but not the outcomes – sounds like things aren’t going well. 🙁
I have to echo the common question here – what does your FI do/say about all of this?
Post # 9
Some people never grow up!
Post # 10
oh gee whiz what a situation!
There not acting at all mature or adult like, more like coniving… (and well what I really want to say is not very nice).
like seriously.. there are some battles to let go but there are other times when you need to get your HULK on and throw em to the ground. Which one do you feel like choosing?
If you let it go, will this behaviour continue until you have no self esteem? because there tactics are childish and bullying. If you say something directly and get your hulk on? will you feel better about it getting it out in the open. Theres lots of pros and cons to both sides.. Might be worthwhile making a list on what path you choose.
Best of luck… just dont go painting yourself green to look like the hulk 😉
Post # 11
I’m sorry about your neice. As an Angel Mom, I think saying anything rude about your neice is unforgivable, but I’m VERY biased about this.
Honestly, he’s doing the right thing by talking to them without you there. However, if they continue, he needs to be able to distance himself from them for the start of your family. I hope things get better
Post # 12
Hey all, thanks for your messages of support, I really need them right now. It’s difficult to talk to my family about this, as they’re so hurt and angry for me.
Daydreamwanderer – He’s disgusted. He has been in a very controlling relationship with his family growing up, and I don’t think he know’s how to deal with them. His family open any mail that still gets sent to their home (we only moved in together last year).
ccranetobe – I feel like I’ve forgiven so much, and tried for hard for his sake. But it has been 3 years now. His mom ignores me when it’s just us in the room, at a new year party I found out from FI’s aunt that his mom had been bitching about me to his whole family, half of whom I’d never met at that point. Then there’s the abusive texts 3 days after my nieces funeral and then the poison pen letters.
thefuturemrsmcbride – I’m so sorry to hear that honey – you’re not being biased at all. Everyone who knows what she has done thinks its despicable. The woman has no morals and no shame.
So back to the update – turns out his dad has to “work late” and can’t see him until Friday night, which is FI and me’s date night this week as he has his stag on Sat. So my nerves are shattered again.
Did I mention I’m on meds because of this woman? Was back at the doc’s last night and I’ve run myself down that much I now have tonsilitis – 2 weeks before me wedding. Help! x