- 1 year ago
For starters, if you’re coming here to say people have worse troubles out there today and I’ve got it good, please go away because I’ve already had that said to me. Believe me I know. But my feelings are still hurt.
My mom has declared this Christmas that, because I turned 24 last week, our family has officially “outgrown” Christmas. She’s been saying this for awhile now but I’ve never really understood what she meant by it. I love Christmas. My birthday is in Christmastime. I put up the tree right after Thanksgiving and I’d put it up earlier if SO would let me. I love going to the Nutcracker and buying my friends and family presents and making gingerbread houses and cooking big meals, all the works. I mean I really REALLY love Christmas and my family has always known it. And we’ve always done the big homecooked meal and the presents, even though I knew they were never really into decorations or Christmas activities. Unfortunately, “outgrown” Christmas apparently means “cancelled” Christmas this year.
We’re still having a family get together with the extended family in a few days. My mom put up decorations this year (something that hasn’t happened in years unless I do it and this time she only did because she’s hosting the party this year and wants them to admire the house). That is the extent of our Christmas. Yesterday we were supposed to go out to dinner at the local cafeteria (I wanted a home cooked meal but she didn’t want to cook and wouldn’t let me cook because I’d mess up her kitchen) but she couldn’t even muster up the energy to go there. My dad brought home Chinese and we didn’t even eat at the table. We watched Jeopardy together, then he went into the computer room the rest of the night to look at boats and my mom went to sleep early. We also had a couple lovely fights about how much my law school tuition costs (that they insisted on paying and that I’m starting to wish I’d taken out loans for) and how I’m a leech on them. That was my Christmas eve.
Christmas morning there was no stocking or presents like there have been every other year (and I was used to mountains of presents even up until last year). I knew there would be much fewer this year but I was shocked that there was absolutely nothing. Mom got out her checkbook and wrote me a check and said “merry christmas.” It was a generous amount (my parents are fairly wealthly) but I was heartbroken. I would rather she spent a fraction of that money on picking out something I’d like that she put thought into. I spent a long time picking out gifts that she and my dad and my sister would like and made sure to ask what they wanted and try to find them some cute surprises too.
For Christmas dinner she said she would thaw out a meatloaf she’d frozen awhile back. I had just gotten a text from my SO showing me pictures of the french onion soup his family was cooking and hearing all about their prime rib and the presents he got that morning and desperately wishing I was there when my dad piped up “why are we making more food when we have so many leftovers, just throw something together we already have.” Then my mom said in her stage whisper “Because SHE (pointed glare at me) is already upset with me for not doing a big turkey so I guess I have to do something.” I started crying at that point and shut myself in my room for a few hours while mya dad yelled at me for “expecting so much” and went into a speech about how ungrateful I am. Maybe I am but I don’t care. It’s Christmas and I’m eating a frozen meatloaf because my parents don’t give a sh*t and I’m missing dinner with my SO for this. I was pissed.
I guess my mom started feeling bad around that time because she knocked on the door and told me I had presents under the tree. I went out hoping she’d hidden some kind of surprise and guess what she got me. A packet of instant cider and a box of instant oatmeal. Both of which she pulled out of the kitchen randomly. I don’t even like oatmeal. So I just said thanks and then heated up my leftover Chinese for lunch and got on the internet and that was my Christmas.
All day yesterday and today she threw out reminders that she hoped I wasn’t expecting anything because we had “outgrown” Christmas. I expected something much more low key but no presents at all? Frozen meatloaf and Chinese? My SO is a year older than I am and his parents are ten years older than mine are and they still go out all, presents, big homeade meal together, lots of decorations, the worse. I hate that my parents think of Christmas at this big pain in the ass they had to do when I was little and now are so glad I’m old enough that they don’t have to try anymore. I was already feeling a little sad about getting older and I feel like they were just rubbing my face in it this year.
Next year I will absolutely be with my SO regardless of whether we are engaged or not. Maybe they’ve “outgrown” Christmas but I guess I’m still a big immature baby who wants to make an effort, so I’ll go be with his big immature baby family that still thinks it’s important to celebrate Christmas.