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Stick to your guns, girl! Do things the way you and your FI want them. You will never please everyone and most of these things are very minor- especially if you two are footing the bill!
I ignore the crazy look. I haven't gotten it too often though because I am not sharing much with anyone other than MOH. It's my 2nd wedding, his 1st and I have experience with trying to make everyone happy and know that it is a dead end street. We have told his parents that if they want to contribute $$$ to the wedding, they can send us a check and it will go to the wedding fund. I will not change my ideas just because they want to pick up the tab for certain things. I will listen to their views but it's our wedding.
I like all of your ideas. My FI just went to a wedding solo because I could not make it, and they had all of the similar elements you described. He said it was the best wedding he has ever been too. He loved that their was no assigned seating so you were not forced to make small talk all night, and he also loved the very relaxed atmosphere of an outdoor wedding.
I personally am not a huge matchy person when it comes to weddings. No offense to other brides, but their is nothing worse then dying shoes the same color as your dress. Having different style dresses will make for more interesting photos.
Remember this is your wedding. I have learned that sharing less is actually better, so let them be a little surprised. You never know they just might like it!
I do not think you are crazy. All of your ideas sound amazing. It is a day for you and him. No one else. You should do what makes you happy. Maybe you could tell your mother and sister that you appreciate their ideas and will consider them. They don't have to know that you will consider them for about two seconds lol. I bet that on the day of the wedding, they will enjoy themsleves and not think twice that you don't have a ring bearer. I'm definitely a people pleaser, and it was hard for me to get out of my ways for the wedding planning process, but I don't want to look back and regret not doing something that I wanted. You know?
1.) Stick to your guns. Especially with the preacher and the children in the wedding thing.
2.) Wait until your sister is less pregnant and more overwhelmed with the new baby, and then make decisions and tell her about them later and say, "oh, I didn't want to bother you, you were so busy."
3.) Don't let them in on this much of the planning if they're going to shoot you down. It's very hard to involve parents/family without handing over control, but make your decisions (which it sounds like you have) and then say them out loud, like it's not up for discussion. So far the parts of our wedding that have stressed me out the most have been the ones I let people in on.
4.) Have a serious convo with your mom about the money stuff. Say, "I don't expect you to pay for the fancy chairs. They are important to me, and I'm willing to pay for them." (And I would way rather have nice chairs and a friend as a DJ than the other way around.)
5.) Just let some things happen slowly. It's good to not lay out all your "crazy" ideas at once. Just don't do the bouquet and garter toss. Once you get to the end of the night and they realize it didn't happen, they'll get over it. The bridesmaids dress thing? If you just kinda let it happen over time instead of saying all at once "they aren't going to match", it will slowly worm its way into people's heads and they will get more on board.
6.) Figure out what matters the MOST to you and is worth fighting over. Also, embrace the bridezilla title - it can be very freeing, because once you're unreasonable, they'll just be like "oh, she wants to do it HER way" and they might not help you but hopefully they'll be so scared of you they'll leave you alone.
One phrase comes to mine: If you pay, you get the final say!
I agree stick to your guns girlie!!
Awww, thanks for all the positive encouragment! Gotta love the hive for that!
Maybe I should be a little bridezilla; admittedly, I'm still a lady in waiting, so it might save me some time down the road. :P
@edb: Funny situation with my sister. If I get the wedding date I'm hoping for, she will only have given birth a month and a half beforehand! I suppose I could run away from her if I didn't like her suggestions, she wouldn't be able to catch me. *is a mean sister*
Don't worry! I got the EXACT same thing from my mom. She thought all of my ideas were so crazy and off the wall that they belonged at a circus. Then I get a wedding planner who's well versed in this stuff, and her take was "Are you kidding? I haven't done a wedding in the past two years that DIDN'T have X! It's so common now it's like a staple."
I think location and age gap make a big difference. I am in a big city, my mom is in a small town. Also, there's about 30 years between us age-wise. I think there has been a huge shift in what is done at weddings in the past 10 years or so. People who are not researching weddings now will find a lot of modern ideas 'crazy', because they would have been 20+ years ago when they got married.
I guess my point is, don't start to doubt yourself over this. My family was so sure my ideas were just unheard of, and it turns out that all of them are pretty common.
For the record, my family thought these were insane...
A candy buffet - What?!
A photo booth - No one in the history of marriage has ever done something so risque
Short black BM dresses - Literally, according to the laws of physics, impossible
Interactive food stations - People have to create their own custom dishes? That's so much work, and so confusing, they'll probably pass out from the stress
Polaroid guest book - This is not a carnival young lady
Ah, I love the fam, but you get the idea! Thankfully my FI kind of saved me on this - he wants something totally non-traditional, so now I can just blame it on him and remind them that we won't be working on any grandkids until we are married. Suddenly it's more "Oh, who cares, whatever X wants, it's just one day after all..."
im not a fan of unassigned seating but meh... its your wedding and if i was there i would be a guest so my job is to say congrats then shut up and smile and enjoy myself
there is nothing wrong with your vision for your wedding!
i would suggest stop talking abuot it if i was you - if you are asked tell people its a surprise for the actual day and they will see it then, that way you dont have to listen to their opinions
goodluck!
@Circus Peanut - LMAO - that is SO MY MOM - except everything i suggest is "ghetto" and will embarrass the family.
for example:
My choice of wedding date - OMG Labor day weekend!? that is SO ghetto! thats for beer and barbeque not a WEDDING! *gasp*
Venue choice of historic chapel and golf club - "here?! you want to get married HERE?!" *eyes buldging with shaking of head with disgusted look*
no kids in ceremony or at reception - *gasp* but you HAVE to let so and so's child come - its not FAIIIIIR if you dont (um no mom its not fair if i let that child and no one elses....)
uneven number of attendants - "um maybe you shouldnt invite my family or your father's family.... i have to see these people you know..."
OMG. seriously do what you want. i have to work around her since shes footing alot of the bill, but when push comes to shove, im not gonna be miserable on the day that is supposed to be "my day".
Learn how to ignore it. I got alot of this too and I really enjoyed how after the fact those same people came up to me and said, "you were right, the (insert one of the hundreds of projects/diy/decisions here) was perfect! best wedding ever!! If it makes you happy- do it!
Stick to your guns is right...Do what u and ur fi want to do ..and explain that they had there chance ..nicely of course :) I wouldn't tell them every single idea u and ur fiance are thinking about or are deciding to do ..i would be as Vague as possible ..tell them ur tossing ideas around and that u haven't decided on things.. I can't say i get the " crazy look " often , when i chose my bridemaid dresses ,my sisters weren't keen on the idea of having different style , same color dresses ..but it grew on them and they probably realized that it would of been a waste of time to argue with me ..lol.. :) Other than that , no real issues .. I wish u luck and again STAY strong , your ideas sound great so far ..
So where do i collect my virtual cookie ?? hahaha
I've been referring to it as the "You can't do that! Syndrome". I've been getting it a lot. For things such as deciding to not have bridesmaids stand up with me. My response has been: "I'm a grown woman paying for my own wedding... so yes I can".
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Why in God's name must there be so many sacred cows in weddings?! I just had this long conversation with my (pregnant and emotional, mind you) older sister and mother. They were probing for wedding info, so I told them my ideas. And got the "you're crazy" look with virtually every one. You know, where the other person pulls back and raises their eyebrows and acts like you just called their mother something nasty?
For example.
The date I'd like for my wedding? Crazy. Too much stuff going on. Move it.
Chiavari chairs? <Mom winces at picture> "That has dollar signs written all over it! Cha ching! Cha ching! Cha ching!" White resin chairs? "Still too expensive." Anything other than fugly metal chairs that can be borrowed for free from a church? "You shouldn't have to pay for chairs anyway!"
Unassigned seating for a casual, outdoor, farm-style seating reception? (insert the "you're crazy" look)
Letting the bridesmaids pick their own dresses in whatever style they like? (insert the "you're totally, utterly crazy" look)
Cutting out the bouquet/garter toss? "NOOOO! You can't get rid of that!!!"
Dessert buffet? Totally confused them. Especially the make-your-own popcorn and ice cream sundae part.
Asking an old family friend (who happens to be a darn good preacher) to officiate the ceremony rather than the church's pastor? Oh no. Will never happen. We'll have to use the church's pastor who will probably be leaving the church a few weeks after the wedding because the entire congregation is tired of his antics. Such as eating birdseed during a children's chat. Gee, can't wait to be married by him!
They would hardly let me suggest the idea of not having a flower girl, ring bearer, or "we have this family friend that would do it for free" DJ.
In fact, I started to say that I wouldn't mind skipping the flower girls and ring bearer, when my sister's face lights up and she says "Oh! Oh! My baby could be the honorary ring bearer! Little Brother could push her down the aisle in a baby carriage! Awwwwwww...you have to do that! That would be sooooo cuuuuuuute!" And then she burst into tears.
I AM NOT CRAZY! Agh! And now I feel like my worst fears are being confirmed. If I don't do what everyone else wants, I will become Bridezilla. Because I'm defending myself.
In my mom's defense, she thinks that she'll have to pay for a lot of this, when in reality my man and I will probably foot most of the bill. I have a realistic expectation of how much my parents can afford. And they were on board with a few ideas (skipping the big cake, no catering, simple food, basically cost cutting corners).
But still. Way to shoot me down, guys. It's not like I'm asking for a lot. No platinum wedding here, I'm trying to save you time and money! Sigh. This is why I should wait for a ring and say nothing until I can talk it over with my man. Maybe they will soften up to the ideas after hearing them early on? My sister was revolutionary for letting her bridesmaids do the mix-and-match outfit thing at David's Bridal, but everyone ended up loving it. And now she says she would have cut her guest list in half, have a barn reception, and only serve dessert. Go figure.
Did anyone else encounter a brick wall like this? How many times did you get the "you're crazy!" look?
(BTW, anyone who reads through this entire thing is a champ! Free virtual cookies for you, haha)