There are too many cheaters in this world!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I completely agree with you! 

Post # 4
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yup, lots of cheaters. I makes me question monogamy every time I hear these stories, but I have a hard time reconciling non-monogamy. It’s a minefield that many people are having trouble navigating.

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Right? Doesn’t anybody have morals anymore?

Post # 6
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Man, this is another one of those loaded questions. 

Sometimes I feel like one of the reasons is lack of communication. Like, both sides don’t know what the other wants, but don’t ask to clarify, and both sides haven’t communicated what they want,  but assume the other knows. 

It’s still effed up. But people make mistakes. 

Post # 7
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

YES.

So, yesterday, a girl I went to college with posted about “just when you think you know someone…” Turns out her boyfriend has been cheating on her for the past two and a half years! Just last week, he’s talking to her about getting engaged and married!!! Apparently he was like, “You weren’t supposed to find out, you were the one I was going to end up with…” Scumbag! I guess he and the other girl are still together, too. There are tons of pictures of my friend and the guy on Facebook, but he doesn’t have a FB, and I guess the other girl wasn’t allowed to meet his friends, family, or come to the town where he lives?!?! How did THAT not pop out at her as a HUGE red flag? UGH.

Post # 8
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it’s mostly the negative information bias (or whatever it’s called) — negative information tends to stick most in our minds, so we think the world/people are getting worse. Just remember how many THOUSANDS of Bees there are that are in happy, committed relationships with non-cheaters! My husband may be an idiot sometimes (he did the laundry the other day and made so many errors I have trouble understanding how he even pulled it off), but he’s not a cheater. I bet most of you can say the same too!!

Post # 9
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I just don’t like that infidelity seems to almost be “glamourized” nowadays. It happens ALL the time on TV and movies, and pretty much everybody I know has been cheated on/cheated or knows somebody. It’s really disheartening.

Post # 10
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

A few women I know have cheated on their husbands and then divorced them, and it really shook me up when I found out.  It’s tough to see a friend who has been cheated on, but when you find out that a friend was the cheater, it’s kind of hard to see that person the same way again.

Post # 11
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I think it’s too simplistic to label all cheaters under the same, broad brushstroke.

There are selfish cheaters – the types who have no emotional depth in their relationships and are merely interested in hopping in bed with a bunch of different women before going home to their “one.”

There are the lonely cheaters, where maybe communication has broken down in the relationship. Maybe sex is or has gone out the window for various reasons. In walks an attractive person who can fill some of that void. In that case, I don’t think the intent is necessarily selfish, even though the end result is certainly painful. I think it’s someone who gets carried away and hopes to correct a long-term problem in the relationship…albeit perhaps not in the most productive or helpful of ways.

Some people are desperate to hold onto the relationships that they’re in, for whatever reason. Maybe they long for the way things used to be, or hope the relationship will become something it never was. In the mean time, as they gain confidence, they step outside to test the waters, to see if they’re still attractive, if they can garner attention and so on.

The end result is devastating – I won’t excuse the behavior, but simply shed some light on why it sometimes happens.

Post # 12
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

you’re so right. 

something worse than cheaters are the people who will still go back to them. 

Post # 13
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

I agree! Its scary and makes me so sad! It would be so devastating and its happened to SO many people, it’s hard to wrap my head around It. How hard is it to keep your head down and do what is right! Keep your hands to yourself and your pants on, it’s not that hard!

Post # 14
Member
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@iarebridezilla:  So true!  I believe the majority of people are not cheaters.  I think (and hope) most people are honest, want a good relationship and to not be unfaithful. 

Post # 16
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@CookieCreamCakes:  I am definitely about delineating between reasons and excuses.  Nice post.

It’s really hard to have conversations about cheating because a lot of times people come from a very biased position.  Having been cheated on, it’ll always be my first instinct to take up for the betrayed spouse and see the cheating spouse in a negative light.  I imagine that someone who’s been on the other side will almost automatically have some sense of sympathy for the cheating spouse or the third party (OW/OM) or wonder what the betrayed spouse did to drive his/her partner away.

I can’t say that I’ve changed my views on cheating too much – I hate it, don’t think there’s ever an excuse for it, and I wish like hell it never has to happen – but I’ve learned that labeling and blame don’t make me feel any better and that the truth is usually a lot closer to the middle than it is to either side of the story.

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