(Closed) There is no “good enough,” it’s either fabulous or horrible.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Most everything is good enough, except when it came to our rings and wearing a real corset under my dress.

The rings, wow.  I have probably visited every ring shop in the diamond district of Amsterdam and a good portion of the jewelery shops in the Netherlands.  I wanted a band with a small diamond set in the band.  I didn’t want a rock, bling, or a work of art for my finger.  I had pretty high standards and thought I’d have to settle for a plain band because “the ring” didn’t exist.  Then I found it in this little town 15 minutes from where I work on a family holiday.  I just got it Saturday and my FI catches me constantly trying it on. LOL

The other was the corset under the dress.  From the beginning I was dead set on having a tight laced corset under my dress and not one of those pretty flimsy bridal corsalettes or shapers.  They just don’t give the shape to my waist or give me a bust like a honest to goodness real corset does.  I did finally have to settle for an underbust to go over a corsalette for the bust…but it still gives me the waist I want and the bust is OK.

Consider getting an underbust corset to help you with your shape.  You don’t have to lace it tight tight to help define your waist.

Post # 4
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Haha – my dress is “good enough”  I liked another more but this one was almost half the price, so I went with it.  I was originally told I could change the neckline but after receiving it the tailor changed his tune, so now it’s not really even the cut I wanted.  Oh well!  It was still cheap=)

I don’t know if there’s really anything I couldn’t or wouldn’t bend on.  For me, I feel like every decision is based on a sliding scale with aesthetic/quality/etc on one side and price on the other.  I find the one that most meets in the middle, and that’s what we go with.  It’s worked for us prolly because I don’t have a “favorite” part persay.  I’m more taking it in as many facets of one much larger picture.

Post # 5
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely understand the desire to get really focused on certain details and needing those to be really important.  For me, location and colors were a big deal…but other stuff, at least as of now, I’m sort of take it or leave it with.  Like, who the music is done by, how many flowers, how fancy, no concern about favors…but yeah if it’s not the RIGHT color then I’ll be bummed.  Or if the location didn’t click, I wouldn’t feel comfortable there.  And honestly, there have been some minor things that have temporarily thrown me off (like finding out hte BM dress company I liked, after I found dresses I really liked for everyone is a bad company and having to readjust and find a new one) but then I was able to bounce back.

But I guess just some things to contemplate…these are things I’ve had to tell myself to be okay (I tend to be dissapointed easily when my elaborate plans fail) so I want to bring them up to you…maybe it’ll help? So consider, what are the reasons that these things hold SO much significance to you?  What about them need to be as perfect as you’re envisioning them to be?  And probably most important, if they don’t go the way you want, then what?  Then what the day of, and 5 years into the future, and 10 years, and 30, and so on…are you going to look back on the day of your wedding and say you know, I didn’t enjoy this because the dress wasn’t perfect, or the song wasn’t great.  Are you going to be able to acknowledge those dissapointments and in retrospect be able to focus on the nice things of the day? 

And another question, sort of off hte track of my train of thought but also worth considering…who are these specifics important for?  Is it just for you, or is it for the people there?  I know when I get focusd on something, it’s often at least in part due to my sense of other’s perception, whether or not I want it to be or even want to admit it to myself.  It sounds like that could be a piece, wanting to show off all the hard work you did to get in shape…and then rather than ignoring that piece but fully addressing it, do you think people will see you and say wow she looks beautiful or say wow she’s funny looking (which I doubt would happen).  And if (though most likely when) thy acknolwedge how beautiful you look, will you really be able to make the distinction about whether it’s due to your hard work or not?  Most likely it will have an influence, though I think ultimately it’ll be worth it because of all the time and energy you spent for yourself.

Okay I feel like this is starting to be a rambling of thoughts.  I guess my summing up thought…maybe try to consider what it is about these issues that leave you feeling so strong, and consider what’ll happen if they aren’t perfect and what that’ll REALLY mean.  It may relieve some of the anxiety.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, it’s definitely good that you’re aware of where many of these feelings are coming from.  Doesn’t it suck how childhood and adolescent experiences can color so much of you are as an adult?

Anywho, your feelings do make a lot of sense based on where you’re coming from.  And if you are curious about my two cents (hopefully this isn’t overstepping too much of a bounds), I’d imagine all these ideas you’re putting out there won’t be seen by everyone else.  I think no matter what, you will look beautiful and wonderful and the attention will be on you, if nothing else because it’s your big day.  (I think even if you wore a weird like, neon orange dress the attention would be on you, maybe for different reasons but still….)  It sounds like you’ve worked really hard to get in shape (which in and of itself is amazing…I envy and desire that kind of motivation) and whether or not the dress shows that off, I think everyone will admire you for how lovely you are.  And in regards to the song, ultimately I think what’s most important is picking a song with personal significance to you and your finace, and as much as possible brush off other’s opinions.  First of all you can’t please everyone and second of all, most like you and your finance will be the ones feeling the song’s significance…everyone else will be admiring how sweet and wonderful it is that you’re having your first dance.  

I guess ultimately, I’m hoping saying this will allow you to take off SOME pressure…yes it is a day to be in the spotlight and it’s also a day for you to enjoy…and I think it’s hard to enjoy when there’s so much of a strive for perfection.  And you worked so hard, you deserve to have fun!  🙂 

Post # 8
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thank you for your post, even if it was PMS induced.  I have felt the same way–like I have compromised on so much, it’s not even the wedding I want.  There have been a lot of issues with my venue and I didn’t like my dress.  Or my second dress.  Because they were the right price, not the right dress.  I ended up finding my perfect dress on yourdreamdress.com so that has a happy ending!  Perhaps your choreographer or DJ can come up with a better song for you.  I know how you feel–I only get one shot at this and I’m spending $$$–why can’t I get exactly what I want???  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think from the sound of you, I’d consider looking into off the peg dresses. You’re not happy with it. It’s worth one day’s look, anyway.

As for the dance, to be honest I consider that to be a far more personal moment than most of the day. It’s like the one time that you can be together, talking or just relaxing, that people won’t interrupt you.

Try to have these bits of your wedding the way you’d have them if nobody else was there.

Post # 10
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

of course i wanted everything to be perfect. but in the end, as long as your married, nothing else really matters. if you mess up the dance, or spill something on your dress, you’ll still be married. and on that day you probably won’t care about anything else.

Post # 11
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with Aunt Pol–check out off-the-rack and second hand dresses… it’s probably better to have an imperfect dress (because NONE of them will be perfect) that you feel neutral-to-okay about than your current dress that you seem to really dislike.

Nothing in life is perfect… but your perceptions can make something that is okay into something quite wonderful. Go into your wedding thinking about what’s important–you’re marrying the guy you love (and he’s marrying you!) and celebrating with family and friends.

People will get more happiness and enjoyment from seeing a bride who’s truly happy (inner glow!) than one who is anxious and uptight because she ‘must’ look perfect but doesn’t think she does.

At least that’s what I tell myself when my mother gets on my case about ‘needing to look beautiful’. 😀 Good luck.

PS–I also admire your honesty and ability to understand where your feelings are coming from.

Post # 12
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@twalila: I am like that, too! My dress was not exactly what I wanted, but it was cheaper (50% off since it was a sample). I think I liked the idea of getting a good deal more than how the dress looks on me!

For things I can control, I am very detailed about. But other things are more about budget and what we can get for that amount of money.

Ultimately, your fiance will still think you’re beautiful in your dress, and that’s what most important! 🙂

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