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Oh, I am sorry. Keep yourself busy with things that are important to you. Wishing you well.
What?!? Why on earth would he said he's propose by July 3rd and then not do it? Did he share that with you? Maybe he's trying to throw you off....otherwise I'd be curious to know why he'd say one thing and do another.
How long have the two of you been together and how old are you? Those are important factors to consider...
@dreamingbee: He doesn't have a good explanation for the planned proposal. He says we'd had a really good therapy session that week and he was feeling positive and confident about things. And that things changed after that and he wasn't feeling that way. Ugh!
@lezlers: We are 48 and 49. We've both been unhappily married before. We have been together for almost 2 years. I have been single for 13 years. He has been single for 3 years.
Hmmm....what changed? Why isn't he feeling positive and confident now? Does he expect that he'll feel 100% sure? I think it's normal for people to have doubts even if they're a wonderful match, since the future is uncertain no matter what. Maybe he has the unrealistic expectation that he'll feel totally confident.
It makes sens that he mixed feelings since you've both been unhappily married before.
Okay, I'll be the first to ask: do you think this is the right time to get engaged anyway? If you're having to go to couples counseling, maybe you should concentrate on repairing your relationship before getting married. Marriage is seldom a cure for a troubled relationship.
Well, those are all good questions. I'm not sure if he expects 100%. He does distinctly thinking that they weren't ready to marry, when he DID marry before. I am only his THIRD girlfriend and he is 48. I dated a lot. So our differences seem to be at the forefront now, instead of our close and compatible vibe that has been around for a while.
@mermaideve: I'm so sorry to hear this. I would be so annoyed if my SO was giving me false dates. Might be time for "the talk".
It souds like he's very unsure and constantly changing his mind, and you don't want to be engaged until he is 100% sure. You don't want to get engaged and then have him change his mind multiple times before the wedding. It sounds to me like you guys need to work on your relationship before you think about engagement. However, I'd be irritated if my SO kept changing the date.
That's too bad. Sorry to hear that. I can't believe he would tell you a date then not do it, that had to have been a rough day. Hope you feel better.
wow.. sorry to hear that.. he just seems to be a bit impulsive, saying he would propose on jluy 3rd and then changing his mind.. I know it must be hard, I would try to take my mind off it for a little while, because I honestly cant think of anything else to do
How dissapointing that he told you a specific date then has gone back on it.
Are you still doing counselling? I would definately keep that going because obviously there are now some very hurt feelings on your part.
no relationship is perfect but at the end of the day you hope they love you and respect you enough to keep a promise like that.
@lezlers: you've got a great point there. Do you really want to get married if youre relationship is not solid? Do you have the "resentment flu" from investing so much?
mermaideve:You're giving a lot by even being willing to go to counseling with your guy...most people wouldn't do that if it had only been 2 years and no engagement/marriage commitement.
"I will just have to keep myself busy with things that interest me, and put in the time and effort to keep moving our relationship forward."
Please don't take offense, I have to say I agree with the first part but not the 2nd part. It sounds like you've put in a lot of time and effort. And he appears to be flip-flopping. Take this time and effort to take care of yourself! You worrying about making an effort to move the relationship forward hasn't really worked out so well. Let him worry about that, and you worry about making yourself happy.
This may be conter-intuitive but you may be working *too hard* at your relationship. Let him do some of the work. Guys are very efficient, "if it ain't broke don't fix it", and assume we're happy to continue doing what we're doing. If what you are doing is over-accomodating to the point of being resentful...you can see how this could spiral out of control, right? Do Mr Bee's backup plan x10!!!
I'm glad it was helpful hon :-) We waiting gals have gotta support each other....
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Well, we had the "what's your timeline" discussion last night. You may remember that, one month ago, he announced he'd be proposing on July 3rd. Didn't happen. Well, now he says he has no timeline. We have been struggling a bit and working through things. I feel like crap because he has no timeline for engagement and wedding. I will just have to keep myself busy with things that interest me, and put in the time and effort to keep moving our relationship forward. I am disappointed. I wish you all well. I am going to try to be absent for a bit.