Post # 1
This b**** is such a crazy controlling uptight woman!!! I have tried for two years to be civil with her, even get on her good side! From the moment we started dating she often told him he needs to be with someone else. She does not even know me, she just jumps to conclusions that I am manipulative, controlling him, making him get married, going to try to trap him by getting pregnant, going to make sure he is poor forever, I feel like I have heard it all. EXCEPT not to my face!!! She has the nerve to tell my Fiance and all his family all of this… but when I’m around she will not even speak to me. If she wants to know something she talks through my Fiance to me, even if I am right beside him!! She won’t even call me by my name, just “she” and “her”!!! It’s so disrespecful and hurtful!!!
When my Fiance tries to stand up for me, or even have an mature conversation with her about this wedding, she goes off the hook crazy and turns it around on him. She tells him what to do and how to do it, no if ands or buts. She is a grade A B**** and told him she would have nothing to do with the wedding, not even attending. I don’t see what her deal is. She just will not let go of her children. She even told him when he graduated high school that he was to go to the college in their town and live at home or he wasn’t going to college at all!! Seriously she has some mental problems and I am sooo fed up of her making me look like the bad guy cause she doesn’t want to let her baby boy go and lose control over him. I know her issues with me are irrational but her accusations are so hurtful and they’re causing me to re-think this marriage. I want to marry him but I don’t want to marry into that family… I will never be welcome there. I’m scared he won’t be either, and I don’t want him to lose his family…
Post # 3
Wow! That’s a really tough situation. Has your fiancee really tried to sit down with his mother to explain how inappropriate she is behaving? He really needs to stand up for you and boundaries need to be set or this will continue to happen for the rest of your lives.
Post # 4
Wow! I can see you are very upset by this woman…and I am sure she would be very happy to know you are rethinking marrying her son. It is very important to remember that if you do marry him she will forever be a part of your life, not just your husband’s mother, but grandmother to any kids you may have. Here is what I would do if I were in your shoes:
1) Ask your Fiance to not tell you anything that his mom says about you. It is obviously not productive and it will only make you more upset.
2) Help your Fiance set up clear boundaries with his mom. Let him know how much she is hurting you and your relationship (I am sure he knows to some extent) and agree between yourselves how much a part of your life she will be. He will then need to go to her and explain how much he loves you, that you are not doing the things she is accusing you of, and that if she wishes to be a part of his life she will need to follow certain guidelines. She is should NOT be allowed to overstep these boundaries.
3) Seek professional counseling with Fiance. It sounds like you need some professional help with this situation.
4) Keep in mind that the people she is talking about you to probably already know she is a little crazy and will hopefully not form negative opinions about you based on what she is saying.
Post # 5
Thanks. I would like him to stand up for her a bit more, but I know he has tried to talk to her about this and she just doesn’t listen. He asked asked her to try to listen and talk about thing and she will say, I don’t want to talk about it, I want YOU to listen to US. I don’t know how else to get through to her, and I can understand Fiance for having a fear of her. She has never approved of any of his decisions. I am proud of him for standing up to her the way he has already. I once heard a screaming match between him and his mother upstairs about me and I think he is pretty brave to go up against THAT… lol
And I guess it’s mostly my fault, he has wanted to not tell me in the past cause he knew it would hurt… But I always made him tell me.
Post # 6
Sounds horrible! If my mother was like that I wouldn’t speak to her anymore, I don’t think a person deserves your love or time just because they are related to you. They still need to treat you with respect if they want to be part of your life. I hope the two of you can come to some kind of arrangement that doesn’t drive you insane 🙂
Post # 7
*Hugs* Previous posters have given some sound advice. You and your Fiance need to make a life for yourselves. Eventually things will settle down. My parents went through something similar when they were first married and their 30th anniversary is 2 days after our wedding.
Post # 8
I agree! There should be special section for FMILs!
Post # 9
ugh this reminds me of me and my Mother-In-Law 3 years ago. Back then Darling Husband was my Boyfriend or Best Friend and we were on a bit of a break.. She started going off about how manipulative I am, that Im going to get pregnant just to keep him with me, blah blah blah..exactly what your Future Mother-In-Law is doing. The worst part was when he would stand up for me, she was say he was betraying her and his loyalty wasnt to her and all this Bullsh*t. But now we’re good as ever.
We are very close now suprisingly but she still does things that really bug me. Like, she will tell me that I need to do X for a living because I would be good at it. Tries to control meaningless things, she even came over yesterday and I guess she didnt like a picture we had on our fridge and actually slid that picture underneath another picture. Just weird stuff though. And I’ll never forget one thing she said days before our wedding. We had the reception at DH’s parents house, Darling Husband was giving her grief about something -she was trying to fit 80 people where 80 people were just NOT going to fit- and she said ” This is MY wedding” Darling Husband and I were like…”well actually…its ours…”
Most of the time I just let her stuff slide. She is his mother, and she will be around for another 40 years so we might as well make the best of it. She still does some really great and generous things, but there are her crazy moments too lol. You’re not alone!