(Closed) There was bound to be drama eventually…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That is a frustrating situation. When you see her explain to her that you do want to include the kids but only for a period of time. Tell her you are arranging a babysitter starting at ____pm. Explain you want them to be able to relax and enjoy the party too.

Just remember it is your day and be nice about it when you talk to her.

Post # 4
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Date twins! I had to deal with a similar situation, started out horribly but in the end has all worked out. We are not having kids at our reception at all, partly because of cost and partly because we don’t want them running around not being watched. We are having 2 flower girls and 2 ring bearers at the ceremony both from FH’s side, neice ,nephew, and 2 little cousins. At first my FH brought this up to his parents and they were pissed and flat out said ‘YOU CAN’T DO THAT’…he left it alone at that point because of how they acted and revisited it a week later. Funny thing is they were ok with no other kids in the family being there as long as the kids from their sides got to come…sorry but that doesn’t work for us, it’s not fair for kids from one side of the family to come but not from others…to FH and I-it’s either all or none and it was going to be none. So FH talked to his brother and other cousin who are parents of the kids it would effect in the ceremony-and guess what everyone was fine with it and even said it would be nice to have fun without having to worry about the kids for one night! To help out we are having a gap in between the ceremony and reception to allow plenty of time for the kids to be taken elsewhere. We are also over the summer going to do some kind of flower girl time and ring bearer time where we take them out and do something with them, maybe the zoo or a museum but just something for them to have our attention and make them feel special.

Stick to what you want, the day is about you and your FH, not the kids, and you are offering a perfectly acceptable resolution by having a sitter at the venue to accommodate them. I wouldn’t even make it an option up for discussion, just say this is what FH and I have planned, this is how it will work…actually I would make FH be with you when you talk to FMIL because he needs to help resolve things when you’re dealing with his family, it shouldn’t be falling all on you, just my thoughts.

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t have any advice, just comiserating. I totally understand where you’re coming from. My FI’s brother has two children under 6 and they are absolutely crazy. They’re always screaming and whooping and hollering at the top of their voices in inappropriate places. We had discussed having FI’s niece and nephew be “flower children” so that the newphew didn’t feel left out if his sister was the flower girl and our son was the ring bearer. FI was telling me how he thought the his newphew would do something silly like throwing the petals down really hard, or just dumping his basket in one place and running down the aisle. I was immediately worried, as I am with you..it’s cute sometimes, but my wedding is not the place for kids to be acting out.

 

I’m also stressing about photos because FI’s newphew refuses to take a decent picture. He’s also throwing up hand signs and making faces. I really don’t want that in my wedding photos!

Post # 7
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand your desire not to have your FSILs running around reeking havoc unsupervised, but I don’t think your fears of them stealing the spotlight are warranted.  If I were you I would tell your FMIL that you want her to enjoy her son’s wedding without having to worry about what her little kids are doing, and you are therefore hiring a babysitter to watch them in the reception room during the reception.  As long as there is someone devoted to supervising the girls and can therefore prevent any major disasters you should be fine

 

Edit: I would also point out that unsupervised kids at a wedding could be super dangerous for them- there are a lot of hot plates and drinks hanging around for them to get their hands into, and I think if you point out the safety issue to your FMIL she may be more willing to accept a babysitter as help

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