There WILL be a biggish guest list, but I want a small wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

It sounds like you’re making all of the compromises here and FI isn’t making any. Seeing as how you have to plan the whole thing, I think you should give yourself a bit of a break here. You should get a say in what you want too.

Post # 5
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would start writing it all out and get hard numbers. I suggest the following groups that will make it easier to nix – 

1. Immediate family

2. Extended family (adults)

3. Extended family (children)

4. Couple’s friends

5. Family friends.

After you decide how many people fall into each of these groups, you can decide how many to invite.

I would talk to your in laws though, if they’re contributing what are their expectations? Are they thinking they will have control over the guest list? 

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I think it’s hard when people from HUGE families– like me– and people with smaller ones try to negotiate this type of thing b/c you’re both coming from really different mind spaces. I’m glad no one is being unreasonable and I hope you don’t get put into a position you don’t feel comfortable with!  My FI’s side of the invite list has 25 people on it; mine… 125 and counting. Much of mine is family and NONE of them are distant family I’m not close to. Maybe his family is like that?

Post # 8
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think your in laws are being too unreasonable – they are willing to pay to share your burden and I get a feeling the family is very close. My FI has a huge family including many babies but all of them are very close and as knowing how close the relationship is, it’s unimaginable not to invite. I originally wanted to have a small wedding, but we realized that we should either elope or invite at least 50+ adult family members and more.

I think it’s easier for me because I already have spent at least couple days with 30+ of his family members (they live all across the country) and if I count people I couldn’t remember their names because I met only for a short time and there were bunch of them, I already met 50+ family members even before getting engaged. When a family is huge and close, it’s just really hard to cut. 

I think you should discuss with your FI. Also, don’t get frustrated too much over the worst imagination. I know there will be children and I have no worries because I already spent time with them and know for sure they behave well. Also because I know their parents are type of people who will be responsible guardians. Not every child cries and runs in public.

Post # 9
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

my suggestion would be to cut children under the age of twelve but other then that you have no choice but to invite his family members over the age of twelve because they are his family and they will become your family too. 

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