- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I got a list of 'bad' dates that I absolutely cannot get married on for next year. So I finally found a place I like, but just about every Saturday is booked next spring/summer arleady. So (without this list in hand) we discuess what Friday or Sat would work best and finally settled on July 3, since we'd have the holiday the day after and I prematurely got too excited. I called my mom to tell her and she said.. oh nononono, you CANNOT do July 3. AHHHHHHHHH Back to the drawing board.
30 minutes later weighing the options we decide to try for July 1, Friday, but out of towners can still use the long weekend and catch the Boston fireworks. Check that one... its not on the list, so I call to confirm... NO!!! July 1 is NOT GOOD. She didn't write it down on the list cause she only checked weeekends for me.
Ok... lets try this again... May 8?? Yes. That is not on the list and it work. Now... I get a call telling me to hold off why she checks... cause May 8th 2011, by the lunar calendar date is the same day my great grandmother passed away a few years ago.. so now that might be off limits too.
Did anyone else have to deal with this???? I'm about to just SCREAMMMM
My FI and I had to deal with school graduations galore! We knew we wanted May but he had to be finished with school so the first 2 weekends were gone. His older sister graduates from her residency program memorial day weekend. We basically had to choose May 21st, but now one of his grromsmen might not be back from his deployment yet. We're hoping everything works out because May 21st is set. I feel your pain.
I went back and forth back and forth for awhile and places just kept filling up. FINALLY I had the perfect date. I waited two weeks in case any surprises would come up and then finally started paying deposits. After 4k worth of deposits get paid, FMIL calls to inform me we need to change the date because FH's cousin is graduating high school that day. Yeah...lovely. We won't be changing the date, but my point is even though I was trying to make everyone happy and THOUGHT that I was, now I have a family of 5 and a grandma pissed at me becuase THEY didn't tell me before hand.
Well, things have developed a little.... So all of May just got nix'ed as an option. July is not preferable, but ok. So I settled on Aug 6 next year, but wait... thats the 7th day of the 7th month on the lunar calendar, so thats getting checked too. I WISH it were for some good reason like graduation or whatever. This is just superstitions that mean jack to me that I have to follow.
We get grief for our date too because it is a Friday in the Fall, but honestly, we chose a date that fell into our laps and didn't look back. If people are able to attend, awesome, if not, we understand. I say choose a date that you and your fiance like, and go from there
All I can say is I'm sorry and your frustrations are valid. I was feeling irked just reading what you've been going through! It seems that instead of giving you a list of blackout dates, your mom should have given a list of okay dates since there seems to be less of those. Maybe ask for that for all Fridays-Sundays for the months you're considering?
Ugh that sounds really frustrating. I'm so glad my mom wasn't really into the superstitions of bad days. I don't even know if we checked!
Hmmm... dumb question and no offense meant... but.... what does your fiance think? No offense meant, but... if the dates do not mean anything to you OR him, why not pick a date and stick with it? It is your and his wedding, so I'd think that you two should be picking the day, and as long as it doesn't coincide with anything else going on (graduation, birth, etc), it shouldn't be a problem.
just my two-cents... of course, this is also coming from someone who was thinking of having the wedding on Friday the 13th, too.... and who has actor/musician friends as well as other friends who are really, really weird. ;)
@ryna, He's taking it better I am actually, I was totally fustrated today, and he's like.. ok, what else we got then. He thinks its silly and doesnt understand the reasoning behind these blackout dates, neither do I for that matter, but understands that we just have to follow these 'rules'. It would be disasterous in my family's eyes if we did not. Theres no rhyme to reason to superstitions, they just are. And we just gotta go along with it....
ugh... so sorry for the problems you're having!
Hmmmm... have you tried googling dates that are, supposedly, lucky? Or maybe the date you're wanting and find all the "good" things that are associated with that day? That way, maybe, you can say "hey, mom, I really like this day because this-this-and-this happened on that day" or even "well, it's actually a really lucky day in this belief".
Not sure if that would help or be even more troublesome, but at least it's a thought!!!
good luck and hope you can find a day that everyone agrees on!!
ahhh! another update, she just nixed Aug 6th too. I was livid. My phone survived meeting the wall at a high velocity so after I was calm enough again, I talked to her and asked her to print up a calendar and just X out anything that is no good and give it to me tomorrow. I'm going to tell her that is the final list, I'm going that calendar and not asking anymore since she gave me a small incomplete list earlier that got my hopes up and then shot it down like 3 times already today.
Any Chinese brides of this generation (20-30) still this traditional/supersticious? Or is it only the older generations?
I'm Vietnamese, FI is Taiwanese, but my side is the one that is more superstitious, his family could care less. I totally feel your frustration though. It took me almost 3 years to finally get my mom to just give me some dates I could choose from. I would ask and get responses like, "oh, we have to consult with the astrology guy" but whenever I would ask to do that she would say there's too much going on right now to try to plan... I finally was able to bug my sister enough to bug my mom get some dates for me at the end of this year. She came back with 2, 11-13 and 12-11. Then I didn't really even get to pick between those two because she said, "OOh, nooo, can't do it on the 13th!!". Believe me, I feel your pain ((hugs))
Pick a date -forget your mother. This is CRAZY. I wouldn't want to get married on say Sept. 11 (not trying to offend for you 9/11 brides) or the dates my parents died, but everything else is open season. (May 7th is my bday and May 8 was my dads!) Good luck!
Great Grandma's death is a little far removed. Such superstition shouldn't get in the way of you being able to find a good day. Perhaps if it's such a big deal, you could honor great grandma's life instead of dwelling on her death and have a little display of her pictures or something.
It is always difficult trying to work things out so everyone's happy. I wish you the very best, and know how these tricky situations can be frustrating. You'll work it out. :)
My parents (Chinese and Japanese) aren't superstitious at all and think those Chinese superstitions are ridiculous. My FI's Chinese parents are slightly more traditional.
Basically, FI and I picked a date based on a few criteria 1) not a long weekend 2)a summer weekend to avoid the rainy season and 3)no 4 in the date - so we did have a nod to the old superstitions. We let his parents know what we came up with... and they came back with 'well, it's not the luckiest day, but it's not an unlucky day', so we stuck with it.
thankfully our families aren't that superstitious and they didn't do the whole date thing, but I totally feel your pain! trying to juggle the whole Chinese/American thing is hard. I ended up at a Chinese wedding banquet hall I do not want for the sake of accommodating our parents' mammoth guest list. I would just ask for a list of acceptable dates. I hope you get your dream wedding on a verry auspicious date.
Ahhh.. I moved my date to Aug 13, just to pencil in another maybe. Mom says ok, i think its fine for now... then calls me back 40 minutes later, saying oh nooooo! i forgot, that is the date your grandfather said is a definate no. @#(%$*$# AGAIN. Now we're back up to July 10, a Sunday. To make it worse, every other date the venue had open for the end of Aug and ALL of Sept were MY exact black out dates - all 5 of them. What are the chances!!! So if July ends up not working, we're out to October... OCTOBER, after starting at the beginning of May and working our way down. My mom even suggested March... uh.. yeah, I wanted a garden wedding, how can she even THINK march would work in Boston. SO fustrated.
This makes me wonder how any Chinese brides get married! That is so annoying!
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I agree a lot of the old school asian culture traditions are just silly. My parents are Chinese and FI and I just picked a date without consulting (September 11 of this year actually). We thought we'd get more raised eyebrows because of the date itself but I think my mom was just happy that I'm getting married to care about the date and any potential superstitions surrounding it. Plus she's not too into the superstitions - except the 4 thing :) Good luck!
Wow it sounds unbelievably frustrating. I haven't run into a dates problem yet but am running into other problems, specifically that it needs to be at a chinese venue and they are trying to steer me to a specific restaurant. I've come up with dates that the calendar says are lucky dates but I would not be surprised that when I'm booking, this or that date will turn out to be problematic.
I hope you are able to get it settled with everyone and their mothers (and grandparents) soon. Cant imagine how irritating that must be.
Ok thats a bit extreme. I am getting married on July 2, 2011 and we have not encountered any problems. You just need to find the venue you want and pick a day.
I'm Chinese, but we didn't consider unlucky days when we looked for a date. One of my fiance's friends is actually planning on getting married on the same day because he said it's a really lucky day! I'm glad it's a lucky day but I'm also a little annoyed that they aren't even engaged yet, but picking that day too!
@pinkshoes:I'm a Chinese bride-to-be. Not to be supersiticious but to honor my tradition, I am NOT going to pick any odd day except the 9th of the month. I didn't think about too much of 4 though I guess if for some reasons that we end up having a wedding on a date contains "4", I would just think it is "4-ever" :). I am not going to check the lunar calendar though because it is just way too much work. I think it should be more like personal preference. Brides from different cultures may have different traditions that they want to follow, supersiticious or not. But I hope you can find a date soon :).
I am a Chinese bride who did NOT have to deal with such dates. My parents more more concerned that my wedding take place in a church and that we had premarital counseling. Of course, my parents have been here since grad school and that was in the very early 60s (they didn't even have traditional Chinese elements in their wedding). In fact, I ended up getting married on the 30th anniversary of my grandfather's death (I only figured it out b/c he died on my cousin's 1st birthday and when we told him our date, he mentioned it was his birthday--none of the other family even mentioned it). I guess I was lucky.
I understand your frustration, however. I have had friends who had to select an appropriate date and then buy their siblings presents b/c they beat them to the altar. Funny thing is my mom got my husband a wallet for a wedding present, but she has no idea exactly why . . . she speculates it has to do with being prosperous.
i know i can't help you solve the problems, but I'm on the same boat as you are. FI and I are both chinese-american. We got engaged earlier this year and could you believe that there is only ONE day out of year we can get married? And plus, since my FI's brother is engaged, there's like some restriction about the chinese new year date (not too sure).
I was left only 5 months to plan the wedding. CRAZY!
I'm a Chinese American bride who had to change her wedding date 6 months prior due to the lucky date mess. DH and I don't have those superstitions but his family did. We wanted a June 2010 wedding. We were planning a year prior, and because the holy book of dates (tung sing) doesn't come out until December, we chose a date and hoped for the best. Well, December comes and MIL took a look and found out the date was incredibly unlucky. Oh yes, I was livid... and it didn't help that she called about that when I was going through a rough week with final exams. Luckily, we only had to move the date one week prior and all of our vendors besides one were still available, so we were able to keep all the vendors and the venue! Phew! So I totally feel your frustration. We really did get lucky with how the dates worked out because we were blacked out for July and August. At one point, MIL had suggested a November wedding during Thanksgiving weekend! Yeah, right! lol
I'm sorry to hear what your going through. I was a Chinese bride (my wedding already past) and luckily, my parents weren't as strict on the date. we looked at the general calendar for good dates but we didn't go into look at like what animal i am and what my husbands animal was and what makes a good date for us.
My family does believe in superstitions, but they also know that you can't follow them all at the end of the day or we'd go nuts. so we pick and chose what traditions and superstitions we really believed in the most and followed those. Good luck and i hope you find a date soon!
My husband is Indian and also had to have an "auspicious" wedding date. Luckily, his mother was offered four dates in November (last year) that would be alright to get married and those dates worked for us so we just picked one. I'm sorry you are having so much trouble. It seems your mom isn't giving you complete info at one time which is causing so much trouble. Have you finalized a date yet? Hope so!
wow! these dates and stuff really drive a lot of us crazy huh! the things we *have* to do for the family even though we are not very supersticious.
I finally nailed down a date! It made things a little easier once I found a venue that I wanted to go with, and stopped looking for venues and making my options limitless. I did have to settle with a Sunday though. But i dont care that its on Sunday anymore! Though I am a little sorry that it will be inconvient for a few out of town guests... cant satisfy everyone =( Date and venue: CHECK!!! *jumps for joy*.
Have you or would you consider getting officially married on some other day of the week just you, your FH, and very close family members at Justice of Peace or something equivilant to your traditions and then have your Ceremony/Reception complete with wedding vows on any old day that is both convient and availabel through your vender?
Sorry I did not notice the LAST post in this thread.. LOL. Not sure how I missed that. Congrats Dear!
Thank you for this post - I feel SO much better not being the only one dealing with this problem. I'm having trouble finding a venue and date that coincides and makes everyone happy!
To all the superstitious brides, what did you consult to pick an auspicious date?
@pinkshoes: I'm so glad it worked out! Picking a date was definitely the most aggravating portion of our wedding planning.
Here's my post on the craziness of dealing with a superstitious Chinese mother: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/11/10/auspicious-date/
Me and hubby are Christian, so there's no suspertition there. IL are Christian too, so no problem.
My parents though, they want it to be a good day. I oblige and pick out a general good wedding day w/ an online Chinese calendar, it just eases my parents mind.
I will not let them look into our birthdays and matching up a good day though, that's too much against my faith.
I can totally relate! When i was venue-shopping, I couldn't even provide a date to know their availibility because my in-laws hadn't consulted the astrologer. When we finally got the "lucky" dates they were all dates in winter and I wanted a spring wedding. Plust my fiance wouldn't even be in the country! We told them it has to be in March. So the "lucky" date is on a weekday and we just need to go to city hall and do the civil ceremony so that "counts." Our actual wedding ceremony and reception is a few weeks later! A bit crazy, but what can you do with supersitious in-laws?
Oh I so understand you. I'm italian and my SO sinhalese, I was so baffled at not being able to choose a meaningful date for us. His family asked me this whole lot of information about my birth day ( down to the name of the hospital! ) and then we had to wait for the astrologer because he was a very popular one and thus overbooked. We wanted to marry in January, but January did not have good dates, so we should do March. Then the astrologer just apparently messed up and got the wrong date, and we finally settled for March 23rd. Oh, and number 23 is associated with " the fool" here where I live. Oh I'm so going to be made fun of...
we wanted a late summer/early fall wedding but when i told my mom, she said pretty much all the dates after mid-july were bad. she asked, "how about november or december?" i love the winter months but i didn't want to compete with the holidays.
My friend did. Her mom went to see a fortune teller to ask when the best wedding dates are.
Sounded like it sucked big time to have to deal with that crap.
Tell me about it. My mom was a total nightmare when my fiance wanted to propose. She kept calling ME to tell me all of the unlucky days, which out of a three week period, there were only three days in which he could propose. My fiance is caucasian, so he thought my mom was nuts, but was really patient with her.
I'm just shocked that my mother didn't say anything about me getting married in April, because four is such an unlucky number.
Ok everyone is going to think I'm silly, but I consulted an strologer to pick my date. I really wanted a winter wedding so I said any Saturday from late January to mid March...and she came up with Jan 21st as being the most auspicious date.
@louisianablue: If she brings it up, you can argue: April is actually March on the lunar calendar, which is a good # =D
I actually made a compromise with my parents. As there was no Astrologer or updated "red calendar book" for 2012 until later this year, I just decided to google it. I found a "fair" (so as long as it's not a bad day) Saturday in Fall that I wanted to plan my reception on. After that I told them that they could pick the auspicious City Hall official day of our wedding.
This seemed to suit them fine.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 94 |
| ndreighton | 60 |
| beargoose | 55 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 53 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Beckster329 | 37 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| MrsPom | 36 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
