(Closed) These dates and rules are driving me nuts!!!!

posted 8 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My FI and I had to deal with school graduations galore!  We knew we wanted May but he had to be finished with school so the first 2 weekends were gone.  His older sister graduates from her residency program memorial day weekend.  We basically had to choose May 21st, but now one of his grromsmen might not be back from his deployment yet.  We’re hoping everything works out because May 21st is set.  I feel your pain. 

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I went back and forth back and forth for awhile and places just kept filling up. FINALLY I had the perfect date. I waited two weeks in case any surprises would come up and then finally started paying deposits. After 4k worth of deposits get paid, FMIL calls to inform me we need to change the date because FH’s cousin is graduating high school that day. Yeah…lovely. We won’t be changing the date, but my point is even though I was trying to make everyone happy and THOUGHT that I was, now I have a family of 5 and a grandma pissed at me becuase THEY didn’t tell me before hand.

Post # 6
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

We get grief for our date too because it is a Friday in the Fall, but honestly, we chose a date that fell into our laps and didn’t look back. If people are able to attend, awesome, if not, we understand. I say choose a date that you and your fiance like, and go from there

Post # 7
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

All I can say is I’m sorry and your frustrations are valid. I was feeling irked just reading what you’ve been going through! It seems that instead of giving you a list of blackout dates, your mom should have given a list of okay dates since there seems to be less of those. Maybe ask for that for all Fridays-Sundays for the months you’re considering?

Post # 8
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ugh that sounds really frustrating. I’m so glad my mom wasn’t really into the superstitions of bad days. I don’t even know if we checked!

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hmmm… dumb question and no offense meant… but…. what does your fiance think?  No offense meant, but… if the dates do not mean anything to you OR him, why not pick a date and stick with it?  It is your and his wedding, so I’d think that you two should be picking the day, and as long as it doesn’t coincide with anything else going on (graduation, birth, etc), it shouldn’t be a problem.

just my two-cents… of course, this is also coming from someone who was thinking of having the wedding on Friday the 13th, too…. and who has actor/musician friends as well as other friends who are really, really weird. 😉

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ugh… so sorry for the problems you’re having! 

Hmmmm… have you tried googling dates that are, supposedly, lucky?  Or maybe the date you’re wanting and find all the “good” things that are associated with that day?  That way, maybe, you can say “hey, mom, I really like this day because this-this-and-this happened on that day” or even “well, it’s actually a really lucky day in this belief”. 

Not sure if that would help or be even more troublesome, but at least it’s a thought!!!

good luck and hope you can find a day that everyone agrees on!! 

Post # 13
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m Vietnamese, FI is Taiwanese, but my side is the one that is more superstitious, his family could care less.  I totally feel your frustration though.  It took me almost 3 years to finally get my mom to just give me some dates I could choose from.  I would ask and get responses like, “oh, we have to consult with the astrology guy” but whenever I would ask to do that she would say there’s too much going on right now to try to plan…  I finally was able to bug my sister enough to bug my mom get some dates for me at the end of this year.  She came back with 2, 11-13 and 12-11.  Then I didn’t really even get to pick between those two because she said, “OOh, nooo, can’t do it on the 13th!!”.  Believe me, I feel your pain ((hugs))

Post # 14
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Pick a date -forget your mother.  This is CRAZY.  I wouldn’t want to get married on say Sept. 11 (not trying to offend for you 9/11 brides) or the dates my parents died, but everything else is open season.  (May 7th is my bday and May 8 was my dads!)  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Great Grandma’s death is a little far removed. Such superstition shouldn’t get in the way of you being able to find a good day. Perhaps if it’s such a big deal, you could honor great grandma’s life instead of dwelling on her death and have a little display of her pictures or something.

It is always difficult trying to work things out so everyone’s happy. I wish you the very best, and know how these tricky situations can be frustrating. You’ll work it out. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

My parents (Chinese and Japanese) aren’t superstitious at all and think those Chinese superstitions are ridiculous.  My FI’s Chinese parents are slightly more traditional.

Basically, FI and I picked a date based on a few criteria 1) not a long weekend  2)a summer weekend to avoid the rainy season and 3)no 4 in the date – so we did have a nod to the old superstitions.  We let his parents know what we came up with… and they came back with ‘well, it’s not the luckiest day, but it’s not an unlucky day’, so we stuck with it.

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