These Wedding Comparisons are Getting Really Old!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I shall wish wedgies upon them during important business meetings!

Post # 4
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Stop talking to them about your wedding (since they are rain-on-parade-then-swipe-the-parade idea stealers) – FI and I found that to be one of the best things we did while planning.


Just start comparing their wedding to a llama!
“Oh, I see that your wedding isn’t as economically friendly as a llama is…”
Even if it’s just something to laugh about, it’s something!

Post # 5
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think the best thing you can do is disengage from them entirely when it comes to the wedding planning.  Tell your Fi to have a talk with them about how they have hurt your feelings, and you’d rather continue the planning on your own, without their input.  They are his parents, and he needs to be the buffer.  Once it’s said, if they continue, then it’s your Fi’s fault for not handling it.

Post # 6
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@sugarpea:  That’s frustrating. I would be upset and frustrated too. I don’t understand why some parents are like this. Do they not realize how rude it is?

You may need to say something at some point. I would try my hardest to just ignore it though. Talk to your FI about it. He may be able to help you feel better. Good luck!

Post # 7
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sugarpea:  BIG HUG!  I totally get how you feel.  It sucks to have people comparing you to someone else.  Your wedding is your day and shouldn’t be compared to those around you.  YOu FILS also sound like they’re being super annoying.

Post # 8
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ughh how frustrating! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this garbage. I agree with previous posters and think you should probably just stop telling them about any wedding details for your own sanity. Some people just like poo on other peoples ideas. I don’t get it

Post # 9
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

That would annoy me too. In your case, I wouldn’t tell them any details. People are going to compare and give you opinions on everything (I am currently dealing with a MIL who always compares how she handled her children to how I plan on handling mine when he’s born) so I have chosen to stop giving so much information, even information you think is innocent.

Post # 10
2367 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 Just stop talking about it to them. If they’re not paying, they don’t need the details. If they ask, just give them a nice, polite and vague answer, and redirect the conversation:

Question – What photographer are you using?

Answer – We’ve seen a few that we like. So how’s that new receptionist working out?

Statement – Those flowers are so expensive, Jane is using Vendor B who is so much better. 

Response – I’m sure her flowers will be beautiful! So how is your garden coming along?

Avoid and redirect. That applies to more than just wedding things too. It’s a good tactic for anyone that’s constantly negative.

Post # 11
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JenGirl:  Bahaha! Stealing this from you.

@sugarpea:  I am so sorry you’re stuck dealing with this. I was on the other side of it recently, in that my parents thought we could do no wrong with our wedding but my brother’s wedding (six years ago!) was all wrong. It made me unhappy to hear that negativity all the time. It doesn’t matter whether you come out favorably or unfavorably in wedding comparisons… it is still uncomfortable to have your choices scrutinized like that. Can’t we just agree that every wedding is a beautiful and unique snowflake, and leave it at that?

I agree with @MariContrary‘s suggestion of giving a vague but polite response and then changing the subject. Something as simple as “Oh, I’ve already spent so much time thinking about the wedding! How is your new project at work going?” If you’ve already established that any wedding details you share can and will be held against you in a future conversation, then just stop sharing details. 

Another invaluable phrase, to use when they give you or your FI criticism/advice about your choices: “Thanks very much for your suggestion, I’ll take it into consideration.” Say it with lightness and no edge in your voice, and then move on. IMO this is the most graceful way to shut down any sort of criticism or unsolicited advice without creating a bigger argument. Applicable for all situations, not just weddings. (Spoiler alert: they sound like they will be “that” kind of grandparent also, lol.)

Post # 12
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree that you should stop giving them details if they can’t react politely.


I will say though, I do find it weird as a guest if the hosts can’t afford more food than cake and punch, but can afford a band and other obviously expensive extras.  Having non-cake food at a meal time is important for guests, even if its just sandwiches or something inexpensive.

Post # 14
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sugarpea:  That would bug me alot as well! I hate when people compare things which is why barely shared any of my things for the wedding with others. I have a cousin getting married this year and my mom constantly talks about it cause it is a local wedding and mine was a destination wedding (she was kinda upset I didnt have a local wedding) I’m always like stop talking and comparing it cause they are 2 totally different weddings!!!! Ughh so irritating! It’s also funny how the people who have no say in the finances part of it love to put there two sense in

Post # 16
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sugarpea:  Yeah, we’ve had to totally avoid talking about wedding things with FI’s parents too…it’s so worth it!  If they ask something specific, I answer it as vaguely as possible and switch the subject.

“So where did you decide on for your reception?” (they REALLY wanted us to get a traditional ballroom type thing..for our brunch reception)

“We found a really nice restaurant close to the beach house.  We’re excited about it.” (short vague answers!)


“Did you talk to FI’s cousin yet about making cupcakes for your wedding?  You have to have a cake or cupcakes or SOMETHING!”

“We talked to her!” (we aren’t doing a cake or cupcakes, but we definitely talked to her!)

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