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I'd just let it go... I'm really not a big fan of expecting much of the wedding party anyway. I can't imagine that anyone should work so hard on a party that I'm throwing. It was very, very frustrating in the last few weeks to feel like I was shouldering all of the burden... but I knew it was mine to shoulder.
I did try to thank them as much as possible for any tasks that they did pick up :)
Ditto Mrs.DG. NO one cares as much about your wedding as you do and quite frankly, it's not their job to plan your wedding. IMO their only job is to stand next to you on the big day and smile for pics. Everything else is icing on the cake. I wouldn't say anything to them. Hope your wedding is a blast, I think you'll be plesantly surprised that all YOUR hard work paid off.
Im sorry you are frustrated with your BM's. Since everything is done, I agree with Mrs DG and would let it go. Did you ask for their help with the wedding or expect that they would help? If you didnt ask they might not have known you needed any help. I did most of my wedding myself but did have a few girls help with assembling the invitations.
ARestivo, I'm so sorry you got no help and are frustrated.
Look at it this way - when you're in the middle of your beautiful day, and everything is great, people are having fun (including you!), you can take a moment to take it ALL in, and think to yourself, "I did this!!"
Best of luck to you, can't wait to hear your recap and see your beautiful pics!
Well, I would say try to delegate small tasks to each of them individually that you need help with, but since you only have 2 weeks left, it might be ackward assigning or asking for help so late in the game. Just remember to enjoy your day, that you will be there with your FI, and that (despite their lack of effort) everyone there loves you.
ditto what SanDiegoAli said. dont forget you chose these people, you asked a woman that doesnt know a thing about weddings, another woman that works 2 jobs and a 13yr old girl so you need to lower your expectation level
2 weeks to go - focus on that and enjoy your day because you and your hubby on your wedding day is whats important
It's not worth it to say anything, in my experience. I got a mouthful from my MOH just for expressing that I was a little hurt that she wasn't coming to my rehearsal (didn't ask her to change her plans or to do anything...just thought that after 14 years of friendship it would be okay to calmly tell her my feelings were hurt. Was not worth it!).
If it's two weeks away and everything is mostly done, just focus on your wedding. And I can almost guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised by non BP friends and family who will come through in amazing ways. I was, and almost every other bride I've talked to was also.
I'm sorry that you're frusterated, but remember why you chose these girls. You obviously didn't pick them because you thought they'd be a big help, you even said they're super busy and don't know much about weddings, so you must have chose them because you're close to them. I feel like that's what bridesmaids are for, to be there for you on your big day, not to plan your wedding.
Have you asked them for help? Sometimes they just can't help. I have a BM that lives a town away, A BM (sis) that doesn't have a working car, so if I want her help I have to go het her, A BM that offers to help but is a teacher so she's always so busy I feel bad asking, and then I have a BM that is flipping awesome and is there any time I need her, but that's because she got laid off recently so she has the time to help!
You just have to roll with the punches of life. Don't forget that your FI has two able hands, and don't put wedding tasks past a 13 year old, a 13 y/o is very smart and very capable of doing any wedding task you throw at her!
Boy do I understand! If I could have fired my BMs, I would have, Accept your fate, move ahead and have a wonderful wedding!
Honestly, I didn't expect my BMs or MOH to help out with anything. I just want them by my side on my wedding day and to help me celebrate. I've done so many DIY details and I never expected anyone else to help.
If your BMs and MOH volunteer their help, it's always nice, but you can't expect people to drop everything in their lives to help you stuff favor bags and address invites. I think it would cause a major rift if you make a bring it up at this point.
I agree. Let it go. It sounds like you knew the situation with your BMs when you asked them to be in the wedding. I think it's hard to expect them to be able to help that much. But I understadn feeling like no one is around helping to build memories and have bonding moments doing all this plannign stuff. I think you'll feel better about your BM choices when the wedding rolls around.
Definitely let it go. Everyone has different expectations of what a BM is and what they are or are not obligated to do.
You are 2 weeks away... home stretch!
Focus on the good stuff (like being a Mrs.!) and try not to think about your lack of support during the planning phase.
1. Did you ask for help? Most bridesmaids won't see it as their job to help plan your wedding or to assemble your projects (mostly because it isn't; that's a service done only out of the goodness of their hearts!), and they definitely won't if you don't ask for their help.
2. If you asked for help and they said 'no,' I'd try to move on and enjoy the day anyway. Not everyone has the time, the skill, or the desire to plan or prepare for a wedding and no one is as motivated to do so as the bride. Some bridal parties are just not as involved as the fantasy parties we imagine when we ask our closest friends, which can certainly be a let-down... but it sounds like you knew what to expect when you asked these particular people.
Try not to fault them for it too much, and have a wonderful wedding! You're so close!
At this point, let it go. Months from now if it still really bugs you - talk to them. But for now - let it go.
ARestivo - I am 3 weeks out, so I know how stressed and overwhelmed you might be feeling right now. I have had moments where I feel like I am on my own with planning, but then I take a step back and realize that it is because I have really wanted to do this my way. And when I have asked anyone for help, regardless of whether they were in the wedding party, I have gotten help. I just haven't asked all that often 
.
I think the Bees are right. You have 2 weeks. It is the home stretch. Take some deep breaths and focus on what your wedding day will mean to you and your husband-to-be.
Well I would just move on about it. BMs aren't expected to help you with any wedding tasks other then show up to showers, RD and the day of the wedding help you. Besides if you call them out on it now then you'll just make them mad at you and you don't want that on your big day!
I agree with Marigold....did you ask for help??
So far I have done everything by myself, but that's because I've wanted to. I'm such a perfectionist that I haven't wanted help on the projects I've done so far. But I'm definitely going to ask for it when it comes to a project I can loosen the reins on a little.
You can ask each one : " I need xy and z done ...can you help me ? "
If they say no or offer an excuse , don't get upset.
Ahhh good luck with this. It's rough being 2 weeks out... you'll look back in 2 weeks and see this in a very different light. I think if you have specific little things remaining that you need help with, schedule a girls night in, or girls weekend, and basically make it easy for them to help - have a location for them to crash, have food and movies, and give them tasks! Hope this helps!
This is a hard one...and apparently a hot topic. I don't really think that there is a bride out there who didn't regret at least ONE choice in her bridesmaids. That probably doesn't help to hear that, but at least you know that you're not alone! :)
I agree with the other posts above. If you have small tasks that are specific and not overwhelming, ask them specifically for help. Not a blanket or too-general "I need help" but a specific request for a specific task.
If they say no, or give you an excuse, I would tread carefully. You don't want to ruin friendships over this (and I've seen it happen). You did select these women to stand up there with you - not because you thought that they would be great at helping and doing projects, right? You chose them because you have a personal and meaningful connection to each of them.
I know that it's probably hard right now, but try to focus on that connection to make it through the next few weeks. And, you might look around at friends who aren't part of your BP and ask them for help as well. At a good friend's wedding last year, I was her main helper the last few weeks, but the BP was completely absent...just a thought.
Good luck!
I will go ahead and shut my mouth about them helping. I do know that it is my party to plan.
I think the main annoying thing is that none of them want to come with me the morning of to get our hair and makeup done. It's well within their budgets they just feel like they can do it themselves. Even if they do I would still like to enjoy spending the morning getting ready with all of the important girls in my life!
Yeah, that is annoying. Do you have other friends who might be excited to help you get ready and will come along with you?
Even if they're not getting their hair/makeup done, you could have one or two come with you to the salon, to sit and help you with any on-the-minute decisions about how things look, veil placement, etc. If you tell them it's important to you, I would hope they would be a part of this if that's what you want. Good luck!
If they aren't going to salon it up with you, the least they should do it take care of their own hair/makeup BEFORE your appointment and go with you.
Otherwise, serously that's kinda crap and selfish to just not go with the bride.
I'm not getting my hair done when i'm a BM in a wedding in september b/c my SIL is a stylist but you can bet your kabooty i'm getting my hair done by 7am so i can meet the bride BEFORE her hair appointment!
Sigh. I know this is how my bridesmaids are going to be, despite the low expectations I already have for them. I was joking around with one of my (future) BMs last night and telling her that there's a book called "How to be a bridesmaid" at work and she goes "OH! I need that!!!" so... at least she's open to suggestion. But still, with 4 of the 6 living 400 miles away from me, no good.
I feel the same way. None of my BM have helped with anything either. They didn't even want to help plan my shower or bachelorette party. My mom completely took over the shower because it was obvious my MOH wasn't going to do much since she didn't have any money to provide food for it. My MOH was supposed to buy all the little doorprizes for the shower that my mom was now planning, then she said she didn't have any money so she just bought one flower pot and my mom bought the rest. What pissed my mom and I off was that she then went on a spur of the moment vacation the next Friday. Where was the money for that? Obviously she had money, she just didnt' care about planning the games and prizes for my shower and wanted my parents who are unemployed to do it instead. Oh well, it turned out in the end. I'm just upset that my MOH makes excuses and can't save up her money for one little thing for me. She can't even buy shoes for her bridesmaid dress. I found some on clearance at target that i wanted them all to buy. She said she didn't want to spend money on shoes and asked if she could borrow the ones I bought instead (which are a size bigger than her normal size). I don't think $16 is too much to ask of her. But apparently it is!
I'm right with you on the salon thing too. My BMs are being cheap and driving back and forth between their hometowns (2 hours away from my wedding town) and the wedding town after the rehearsal dinner and before the wedding the next day. For some reason they don't want to stay in the hotel block I reserved. So because they are driving here the morning of the wedding they didn't want to go to the salon with me. I was upset and said that I really would like them to be there so that we can spend some time together the wedding morning. Then finally they agreed to come. They will have to leave their homes earlier in the morning now even to be at the salon by 8am.
And one other thing that really irked me was that one BM asked if she could leave her dog in my house on the wedding day. I'm sorry, but I don't even let my cats roam our house when we are gone. They have a special room that they go in. Why would I let a random dog in my house, that will pester my cats, and make a mess right before we go on our honeymoon? Not to mention that we are going to be having a family member bring all the gifts to our house and the dog will probably get into them all. I just couldn't believe that my friend would even ask this. Why she finds it necessary to bring her dog with her is beyond me too. She can't get someone to watch him for 2 days or kennel him? If she absolutely had to bring him she could have booked a room at the other hotel I reserved - which was pet friendly.
Ugh, bridesmaids are more of a hassle than I thought they would have been. I wish I would have just had a MOH and that's it.
Let it go! You don't want to have tension during your wedding, and what's done is done already. :oT Perhaps you should've talked to them sooner or... thought about that before you chose them? Sometimes to have those you want by your side also means having them as bridesmaids as they are!
Sorry. Hope the wedding goes well anyway! At least you got what you wanted/needed done :]
You're a little too far along in the process to worry about all of this now. I would just fill MOH in on what it is you need her to do/expect from her, so there are no questions. I'd say, at this point you should just enjoy the fruits of your labor and go with it. :)
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I'm getting married September 5th, and none of my bridesmaids have done ANYTHING for the wedding. I have planned the entire thing by myself, and done my flowers by myself.
My mom is too busy to help. My MOH has been my best friend for 15 years, but isn't a fan of weddings so doesn't care to help. Another BM works 2 jobs and is too busy. Another just moved to a different state and the last one is my 13 year old sister.
I thought it was at least the MOHs job to help me along the way, but she has no idea what the wedding looks like, aside from her dress.
Should I say something or just keep my mouth shut since we're less than 2 weeks away and everything is done anyway?
Thanks for hearing me vent!!