Post # 1
I’m getting married September 5th, and none of my bridesmaids have done ANYTHING for the wedding. I have planned the entire thing by myself, and done my flowers by myself.
My mom is too busy to help. My MOH has been my best friend for 15 years, but isn’t a fan of weddings so doesn’t care to help. Another BM works 2 jobs and is too busy. Another just moved to a different state and the last one is my 13 year old sister.
I thought it was at least the MOHs job to help me along the way, but she has no idea what the wedding looks like, aside from her dress.
Should I say something or just keep my mouth shut since we’re less than 2 weeks away and everything is done anyway?
Thanks for hearing me vent!!
Post # 3
I’d just let it go… I’m really not a big fan of expecting much of the wedding party anyway. I can’t imagine that anyone should work so hard on a party that I’m throwing. It was very, very frustrating in the last few weeks to feel like I was shouldering all of the burden… but I knew it was mine to shoulder.
I did try to thank them as much as possible for any tasks that they did pick up 🙂
Post # 4
Ditto Mrs.DG. NO one cares as much about your wedding as you do and quite frankly, it’s not their job to plan your wedding. IMO their only job is to stand next to you on the big day and smile for pics. Everything else is icing on the cake. I wouldn’t say anything to them. Hope your wedding is a blast, I think you’ll be plesantly surprised that all YOUR hard work paid off.
Post # 5
Im sorry you are frustrated with your BM’s. Since everything is done, I agree with Mrs DG and would let it go. Did you ask for their help with the wedding or expect that they would help? If you didnt ask they might not have known you needed any help. I did most of my wedding myself but did have a few girls help with assembling the invitations.
Post # 6
ARestivo, I’m so sorry you got no help and are frustrated.
Look at it this way – when you’re in the middle of your beautiful day, and everything is great, people are having fun (including you!), you can take a moment to take it ALL in, and think to yourself, “I did this!!”
Best of luck to you, can’t wait to hear your recap and see your beautiful pics!
Post # 7
Well, I would say try to delegate small tasks to each of them individually that you need help with, but since you only have 2 weeks left, it might be ackward assigning or asking for help so late in the game. Just remember to enjoy your day, that you will be there with your FI, and that (despite their lack of effort) everyone there loves you.
Post # 8
ditto what SanDiegoAli said. dont forget you chose these people, you asked a woman that doesnt know a thing about weddings, another woman that works 2 jobs and a 13yr old girl so you need to lower your expectation level
2 weeks to go – focus on that and enjoy your day because you and your hubby on your wedding day is whats important
Post # 9
It’s not worth it to say anything, in my experience. I got a mouthful from my MOH just for expressing that I was a little hurt that she wasn’t coming to my rehearsal (didn’t ask her to change her plans or to do anything…just thought that after 14 years of friendship it would be okay to calmly tell her my feelings were hurt. Was not worth it!).
If it’s two weeks away and everything is mostly done, just focus on your wedding. And I can almost guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised by non BP friends and family who will come through in amazing ways. I was, and almost every other bride I’ve talked to was also.
Post # 10
I’m sorry that you’re frusterated, but remember why you chose these girls. You obviously didn’t pick them because you thought they’d be a big help, you even said they’re super busy and don’t know much about weddings, so you must have chose them because you’re close to them. I feel like that’s what bridesmaids are for, to be there for you on your big day, not to plan your wedding.
Post # 11
Have you asked them for help? Sometimes they just can’t help. I have a BM that lives a town away, A BM (sis) that doesn’t have a working car, so if I want her help I have to go het her, A BM that offers to help but is a teacher so she’s always so busy I feel bad asking, and then I have a BM that is flipping awesome and is there any time I need her, but that’s because she got laid off recently so she has the time to help!
You just have to roll with the punches of life. Don’t forget that your FI has two able hands, and don’t put wedding tasks past a 13 year old, a 13 y/o is very smart and very capable of doing any wedding task you throw at her!
Post # 12
Boy do I understand! If I could have fired my BMs, I would have, Accept your fate, move ahead and have a wonderful wedding!
Post # 13
Honestly, I didn’t expect my BMs or MOH to help out with anything. I just want them by my side on my wedding day and to help me celebrate. I’ve done so many DIY details and I never expected anyone else to help.
If your BMs and MOH volunteer their help, it’s always nice, but you can’t expect people to drop everything in their lives to help you stuff favor bags and address invites. I think it would cause a major rift if you make a bring it up at this point.
Post # 14
I agree. Let it go. It sounds like you knew the situation with your BMs when you asked them to be in the wedding. I think it’s hard to expect them to be able to help that much. But I understadn feeling like no one is around helping to build memories and have bonding moments doing all this plannign stuff. I think you’ll feel better about your BM choices when the wedding rolls around.
Post # 15
Definitely let it go. Everyone has different expectations of what a BM is and what they are or are not obligated to do.
You are 2 weeks away… home stretch!
Focus on the good stuff (like being a Mrs.!) and try not to think about your lack of support during the planning phase.
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
1. Did you ask for help? Most bridesmaids won’t see it as their job to help plan your wedding or to assemble your projects (mostly because it isn’t; that’s a service done only out of the goodness of their hearts!), and they definitely won’t if you don’t ask for their help.
2. If you asked for help and they said ‘no,’ I’d try to move on and enjoy the day anyway. Not everyone has the time, the skill, or the desire to plan or prepare for a wedding and no one is as motivated to do so as the bride. Some bridal parties are just not as involved as the fantasy parties we imagine when we ask our closest friends, which can certainly be a let-down… but it sounds like you knew what to expect when you asked these particular people.
Try not to fault them for it too much, and have a wonderful wedding! You’re so close!