They aren't actually getting married

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Personally I’d be really upset to find out that my friend or family member had a fake wedding. I’d sit them both down and tell them that their lying (which is what they’re doing) will come out sooner or later and possibly cost them some relationships. I’d them decline to take part unless they actually got legally married. Don’t want to get married for fear of losing your benefits? Then don’t throw a wedding. Don’t have an officiant. Dont ask your parents to pay or invite people, especially knowing many will bring gifts.

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Oh_No_That_One:  If this friend is a close friend, go. I went to a wedding two years ago for a couple that had been married a year already in secret and were divorced less than 5 months afterwards. I’ve gone to a wedding where the couple didn’t sign the license for a year. Honestly, even if it bugs you, it’s their right/choice and not yours. You have to decide if the friendship is more important than you disagreeing with them. Either way you land send that RSVP in with your choice ASAP. Late ones are a nightmare for headcounts.

 

P.s for many deeply religious, the ceremony is what makes them husband and wife not the legal paperwork. I disagree with that, but you know…their choice.

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

who cares? go enjoy the 10 k party. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

There’s always somebody trying to beat the system. Seems like a very TRASHY thing for this couple to do, espeically since you mentioned the parents are paying for a REAL MARRIAGE. I would say something to the couple, try to reason with them. If they are putting a SS CHECK above being legally married, and are willing to live a lie they are NOT READY TO GET MARRIED. And frankly have a lot of growing up to do! I would also send an anonymous typed letter to the parents advising them of whats going on. It is TRULY unfair that their children would STEAL 10K from them, with a front of becoming husband and wife. I’m really disgusted by this. So sad.

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

@Oh_No_That_One:  a party called a wedding does not defraud the federal govt. if so thousands of gay couples living in states where marriage isn’t legal would be defrauding the govt. if they want to say they are married and get legal rights to it , then they have to prove it, to the govt. not you or me..  it’s not up to you or me to decide this. it is up to them. they are having a party. if you want to go…go. if not, then don’t.

Post # 9
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

Is it a lie, really? I mean, they’re having a public ceremony, as opposed to keeping it a secret. Have you let your friend know that they can still get in trouble and lose part or all of the disability payments for having the ceremony? Maybe he did some research about it online and found out what he thought he needed to know. I mean, he’s your best friend, don’t abandon him on this. And even if they decide not to get legally married, you should still support him. He is your friend, afterall.

Post # 10
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

that’s an expensive party for a non-wedding.  why even bother?  are they expecting gifts?

Post # 11
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@mishagirls79:  Have you considered that maybe they are depending on that check to make ends meet? Maybe they are unable to continue living together and being together without that check? It seems a little presumptuous to say they are stealing money for this. I agree they should probably have talked to their parents about this, but honestly, you don’t know what kind of situation they are living in.

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t go or send a gift. If they can choose to game the system and have a fake wedding, then you can choose not to be a part of it

Post # 13
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

People spend their lives together without getting legally married all the time. It’s obviously not my personal style, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple having a celebration of the fact that they’ve decided to commit themselves to each other even when they aren’t considered married in the eyes of the law. Their living together without being married isn’t breaking any laws and they’re asking you to be a part of their celebration, not to act as their lawyer and sign some fraudulent papers that allow them to get money they aren’t entitled to. 

Whether or not you attend is ultimately up to you, but I think you definitely risk losing two friends by telling them that you refuse to go their wedding because it’s “fake.”

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@sunitagt:  it doesn’t matter if they really need the money, rules are rules. Besides, it sounds like they could keep the money as long as they didn’t get married or pretend to be married. It sounds like they are very entitled and want to have their cake and eat it too.

Post # 15
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@sunitagt:  If they are concerned about making ends meet, and rely on this SS check and fell or know that being legally married will leave them in finacial trouble, then be a GROWN UP and be honest with the parents that are paying 10K for what they believe is going to end up being a LEGAL wedding! The parents that are paying may have felt differently about putting such a large amount of money out for an “in faith” marriage witnessed and recongizied by friends and family only. Maybe the parents would still have offered the big 10k wedding, or maybe they would have said how about a 3k wedding in our backyard. No matter how you look at they are trying to beat the system here, regardless of their need for that check.

 

Post # 16
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i’d either go and have fun, or ignore it and not go. it’s up to you. nobody can make the decision for you. if you’re uncomfortable, don’t go. people are gonna do what they want. there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

however, i think it’s wrong to lie to people. especially their parents, who if i read correctly, don’t know it’s not a legal wedding.

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