They didn't bring a gift, what would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: A friend doesn't RSVP or show to events, and shows up to your wedding without a gift. You:
    Attend all pre-wedding events and the wedding. : (16 votes)
    12 %
    Attend only the wedding. : (29 votes)
    22 %
    Don't go to anything. : (11 votes)
    9 %
    Bring a thoughtful/registry gift to all events. : (7 votes)
    5 %
    Bring a "nice gesture" type gift (such as a bottle of wine and a card) to all. : (25 votes)
    19 %
    Bring a gift only to the wedding. : (29 votes)
    22 %
    Don't bring gifts. : (12 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would go to the events I could make it to. I would give a gift to the bride at her bridal shower, if she has one and if I attend, and a gift to the couple at the wedding.

    Whether they gave me a gift or not probably wouldn’t play a part in how I choose gifts for them.

    Post # 4
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @AnonymousCupcake:  I don’t give gifts to get them. Having said that, I also don’t get played for a fool and taken advantage of. It reminds of that question, so what have you done for me lately? We were close years ago and that’s great…but we aren’t anymore. I base decisions on what is relevant in the present and not the past. 

    If you want me to make an effort and spend money on you and your events, then you need to do the same. Friendship is a two way street. If that’s not the case, I don’t need you in my life. 

    Post # 5
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Depends on the reason they didn’t give a gift. Is it because they couldn’t afford it? Or they could and just didn’t want to?

    Two of my wedding guests didn’t bring gifts and I couldn’t care less. One is a student and has hardly any money left over after paying for necessities. I wouldn’t have wanted her to spend money at our wedding. When she gets married you can bet I am going to get her a great gift though as she is one of my closest friends.

    The other is my stepsister who is a single mother and really down on her luck right now. I didn’t want her spending any money either. Again, I’d definitely buy her a gift if she were to get married.

    I don’t tend to keep tally on who got what and spent this amount or that. If they were just being rude thats one thing, but that isn’t always the case. I would however never attend a wedding without at least a card with well wishes in it.

    I think in your case the wine and a nice card would be perfect.

    Post # 8
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Go to whatever events you want.  An engagement party shouldn’t be a place whether you bring   a gift beyond a bottle of wine or something else small.  If you attend the wedding, give whatever gift you would give to a friend getting married.

    Post # 9
    3659 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wouldn’t bring anything larger than a bottle of wine to the engagement party. I would not attend any bridal showers or bachelorette parties if you’re invited — they obviously didn’t prioritize your relationship enough to attend any of your pre-wedding events.

    Honestly, I would probably just let this relationship go. It doesn’t sound like you’re close anymore.

    Post # 10
    2630 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I say bring an appropriate gift to any and all events you attend. (Side question: are engagement parties a gifting event though? I thought it was just a “yay we’re engaged, so come celebrate!” kind of thing.) If you decide not to attend a pre-wedding party, there would be no gift. If you normally send a present regardless of wedding attendance, go ahead and do so if you decide not to go then either. Gift giving shouldn’t be a tit for tat situation.

    Post # 11
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    SITUATION LIKE THESE ARE CAUSE FOR “RE-GIFTING”! haha, I’d give them the ugly rooster statue or whatever crap someone else gave me 🙂

    Post # 14
    417 posts
    Helper bee

    @AnonymousCupcake:  Assuming you want to go to the events, I would bring a bottle of wine or favored beverage.  

    It can be irratating that people can be so inconsiderate, but if it was people I cared about and wanted to spend time with and enjoy their experience I would just do my normal thing.  RSVP, bring a gift to what I am invited to etc.

    Hopefully, on their end it was more a matter of not knowing ettiquete and they will figure it out now that they are planning their own wedding, and not make the mistake again.

    Post # 15
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We were recently in this situation. DH’s cousin came to our wedding empty handed. He didn’t even bring a card. When it was time for him to get married about 6 weeks later, we went to their destination wedding. We got them a nice card that we wrote in, and added less money than we would have if they had given us something. I felt like they didn’t think about us very much, so I still gave a gift, but felt like I didn’t need to put in as much effort since they didn’t put in any. I also still haven’t received a thank you note over 3 months later. I think some people just have no idea what’s appropriate. If I were you I would show up to the events you want to go to. I wouldn’t show up empty handed, but I also wouldn’t go out of your way. 

    Post # 16
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Hahaha, I agree! Bring a gift to the wedding, but either something AWFUL (I’m thinking a huge ceramic rooster statue with no reciept in the box–Marshall’s sells them) or re-gift something you got and hate from your wedding!

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