Post # 1
So… my bridesmaids are throwing me a “surprise” wedding shower in the sense that I don’t know when or where it will be. I just found out from a friend that in the invitation it says something to the effect of, “since M & T will be moving out of the country after they are married, if you would like to buy them a gift we encourage gift cards or something off their registry.”
Eek. Now clearly, since it’s a “surprise” I had no input on any of this, but I feel really, really bad about dictating to the shower guests about gifts. This is definitely not something I would say, and clearly I didn’t say it, but I still feel terrible. Is this going to make me seem like a gift-greedy bride? Can I apologize without making my bridesmaids feel like jerks? I have no idea what to do, or if there’s even anything I can do.
Post # 3
I don’t think there is anything wrong with that wording at all. first of all, you are not throwing the shower. Second, it says IF you would like to get them a gift. Third, it gives a good reason for wanting gift cards (not sure how it is easier to transport registry gift than other gift though?). My cousin had a wedding shower locally even though she lives 8 states away, I have no clue how she transported all of that stuff back! I think she paid to ship it all which was $$. I got her a gift card because I didn’t want her to worry about it.
Post # 4
I think that’s awesome of your bridesmaids to lay it out like that. Are gift cards what you would prefer? than good for them saying it to people, you don’t look bad, everyone knows you don’t plan your own shower, and you get what you want, hopefully. I think they were fine saying that. I would be happy they did.
Post # 5
I think that was appropriate for your bridesmaids to say!
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception
I think this is like how people always explain the etiquette of including registry info in invitations. A wedding invitation should not include registry info because you’re inviting people to witness your marriage, not give you gifts. However, it IS okay for showers because the entire point of a shower is to give presents and everyone understands it as such. As far as I understand it, that’s why it’s called a shower–they are “showering” you with gifts. So, I think both you and your bridesmaids are a-okay!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas
I don’t think there is anything wrong with what the BMs said. I think guests appreciate direction because usually they’ll ask what you want or where you are registered anyway, so they just thought ahead.
Post # 8
I didn’t put anything about gifts or registry on my sisters shower invitation, but I put an “insert” in the envelope with directions and places my sister was registered. No ‘suggestions’ about what to get her, that’s weird.
Post # 9
Since it’s not you asking for gifts, I don’t think it’s a big deal at all. I wouldn’t think anything of it as a guest. And it’s not as if they asked people to spend a cetain minimum amount. Don’t stress it!
Post # 10
That’s completely fine, IMO. People have to find these things out somehow and since you can’t put registry/gift info on the actual wedding invitations I think your BMs did you a service. I agree with the PP who mentioned that the whole purpose of the shower is to be “showered” with gifts, too. Nobody comes to a shower without a gift.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t worry too much about it; I think your bms had good intentions! Since the point of showers is to give gifts, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pointing people in the right direction. 🙂
Post # 12
i wouldnt worry about it – if i was a guest i would be grateful to them for letting me know what would be a better gift for you
Post # 13
I think for showers, I agree with the rest of the bee’s here-the whole point is to give gifts. Our shower last weekend had an insert that said where we were registered and they also had a “gift tree” set up at the shower for people to attach envelopes to.
It was awesome! As both of us are encores, and I own my house and Fiance is living on his own, we are combining housesholds and really didn’t need a bunch of “stuff”-we do, however, have a honeymoon registry and we got some things off of that-we also have a registry with Sears bc there are some yard tools & equipment we wanted, as well as bedding for the king size bed that we will be purchasing during the winter mattress sales. We got quite a few restaurant gift cards-politely directed by the shower hostesses as to what our favorite restaurants are when they were asked. My mom said that lots of people have asked her too-what are our favorite restaurants. I think restaurant gift cards rock totally and are a GREAT gift! We’ve also gotten some “family” gifts like a family fun day gift certificate for the four of us to Putt-Putt, four movie passes w coupons for the snack bar (do you know how much it costs for us to go to the movies-the four of us-and have popcorn & drinks?!?!) We got a nice gift certificate to Sonny’s, which will be perfect for us to take the twins out with us for dinner. I think that people have been really thoughtful. One of my favorite presents was a doormat with our new initial on it and also stationary with my new married name, as well as my new monogram on it (I don’t know about the rest of the country, but here in the SE, EVERYTHING has a monogram on it these days!), as well as family address return labels and family notecards with my new last name initial on it…all of these gifts are terrific!!!!
Post # 14
I’m sorry but I’d be more pissed at the friend who just told you about your “Surpise” Shower! Come on why complain to the bride first of all and second why spoil the surprise.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with what they said on the invitations. Some showers are an Around the Clock. Meaning I get you a gift for 7am and Jane Doe gets you a gift for 5pm. They actutally are telling you what type of gift to buy in this example.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
It’s fine. Showers are for gifts, straight up! It was really considerate of your bridesmaids to do this, so don’t feel bad, and just enjoy the day!