- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Ugh I’m so sick of this drama that I just have to vent about it!
So my FI and I just got engaged May 7th. (EEEEEE I know!) And we have been so excited. Our original plan was to actually get married in June in Savannah, Georgia because we are both moving down there since I am continuing my education towards the end of June. We decided to get married right away because we don’t want to/ can’t afford to live apart and we are not the type to live together before marriage. It is a mutual decision that we both feel very strongly about.
Right before our engagment FI and I came up with a bunch of ideas for a destination wedding in GA. We were going to have it at a lovely mansion, on a secluded island. A very intimate gathering, with mostly just family. We did all the math for each person and came to what we thought was a reasonable price around $500 per person for about 3 days. WELLL right away FMIL says that they’re not sure they can make it and then went on about how FI’s brother probably won’t be able to come because of work. He DOESN’T even have a job right now! He is still in college and it will be a summer job… from what I know he hasn’t even started looking yet. I took it as a guilt trip because they weren’t overly thrilled that their baby was moving 1000+ miles away. Don’t get me wrong, I am sympathetic to their situation- this will be FI’s first time moving out. He stayed at home while attending college and such to save money and then continued to. But now FMIL acts like we’re doing this to spite her and acts like he doesn’t love her anymore because he is moving out of the house… COME ON. He’s a grown man with a college degree…How long did she honestly expect him to live at home?
AND then my parents decided that they just couldn’t afford to go to GA. My mother “just couldn’t bear the idea that the family wouldn’t be there.” Now I know that my family doesn’t have much money- so FI and I were actually covering the majority of actual wedding costs and we don’t have it in the budget to support a big family wedding. However, my mother has decided that instead of going to GA for a wedding she would rather spend way more money on a family wedding reception. She agreed that it could be done on one of my breaks (probably in September).
After all of that, we were super disappointed and decided to scrap all the plans and hard work that we had put into this wedding plan. We decided it was not an option to have his family there but not mine because we thought there would be eternal bitterness. Our plan B was basically to elope in Savannah and have a big day all to ourselves. We had plans to get married in one of the public squares, eat at a big fancy restaurant, and have a horse drawn carriage ride and then head back to our new appartment. Not the ideal fairy tale wedding but I did think it would be pretty romantic as just the two of us. Then in September, we would come back home for a vacation, have a blessing ceremony and a reception for everyone. NOW all of a sudden (like last two days) nobody is happy with this because they have decided they NEED to be present for us saying ‘I do.’
We all had a family meeting last night and both sides of the family have pretty much decided for us that we need to get married here at home before we leave. We are leaving in literally 12 DAYS! Now all of a sudden they expect me to plan a wedding?! It’s not like I have gobs of time on my hands. I have a full time job that lasts through the rest of this week and a part time job that lasts literally up until I move. The only days that FI and I have free are the 28th and 29th (which we originally had planned on packing- No idea when that is going to happen now) And my FMIL acts like its perfectly reasonable to plan a wedding in that amount of time… UMM NO. In the state of WI you need to have your marriage license for 6 days. To fill out the application we need an officiant and all of their information. We scrambled and called a mutual friend that may have the ability to perform marriages but he isn’t sure if he will have the state certification in time for the wedding. He is going to find out today and let us know, in the mean time we have call around for a back up officiant. Which I don’t even know if they would agree to something with only 1 week in advance notice? Our mutual friend wants to have pre-marriage counseling, which we are understanding of, but barely have time for. ANNND…. then they all gush about how they are perfectly willing to come to GA to see us get married and I’m sitting there like, “um what? nobody would come before but now its fine?”
So then to top things off, its not like FMIL offered to help with any of this really (she isn’t employed currently). My poor mother (who has a full time job and owns a separate business) and I have to throw together this wedding to appease everyone. When it comes down to it FI and I are just feeling very pushed around and that nobody is actually listening to what we would like to do. I just feel like FMIL has no idea how little time FI and I actually have for this kind of stuff and how this isn’t our ideal plan for a wedding either. To make matters worse she really pissed me off last night by looking me directly in the eyes and saying (in front of everyone) that I don’t even know my FI. I was so offended. She also basically called me bossy and controlling. Meanwhile for the last 2 weeks poor FI has been saying how he just wants to get married in GA because he loves the southern charm but she thinks that its all my idea and I’m forcing him to get married in GA and move down there. In fact, he actually told me that he would be moving down there with me before I was even accepted into this program.
UGH I could go on. All of this drama has really turned FI and I off from even having people at our wedding. They just keep calling us selfish but can you really blame us for wanting to just get married without them. We’re still planning on having the reception in the fall- would it be so bad for them to celebrate there.
Sorry this was such a long one bees…it could go on and I know there is so much more that could be said. The only real advice I’m looking for is how to best decorate with citronella candles for an outdoor wedding in a park with bugs? haha Thanks 😉