Weddingbee boards

@zippylef:  i should have invited you to my wedding!  ha!  actually, i didn't have damask or burlap but i did have a "rustic vintage" in a converted log cabin (it's now a restaurant where we held our reception) with a photobooth and candy bar.  And the $5 I spent on fake mustaches was some of the best $$ spent at our wedding - even my 3 year old niece wore one! 

I had never been to a wedding that had any of these things though and got my ideas from other online weddings....

I have never been to (or heard about) a reception without alcohol. Ember78 do you think it it your religion, or culture, or the region you are from?  I know they do happen but to never have been to a wedding with alcohol seems pretty rare to me. I have probably been to 40 weddings in 8- 10 states-some Catholic, Jewish, Protestant, Buddhist and have not seen this.

I have seen most of the ones on the original list but not: candy buffet, guest getting upset, guests being charged, different guestlist for the ceremony and reception

@azureori: I guess I don't get why a cash gift is a lose at all. If you'd rather have a gift off the registry, couldn't you use the cash to buy it? And at a discount after the wedding to boot! That's win/win in my book.

I've never gotten an OOT bag or seen a separate reception dress or photobooth props. All guests at everything I've attended have been invited to both the ceremony and reception (although I know of some folks who ran late and didn't make the ceremony...). and I've definitely never seen a guest get charged for anything.

The rest of it I've all seen out in the wild, including the photobooth and the candy bar. And the last wedding I went to was on 8/8/08.

I may not have been to a wedding with all those things, but I have heard/seen them at friends' weddings or from people who went to weddings, or I have in fact seen them:

Mini ceremonies (unity candle, sand ceremony, etc)

Candy buffets

Alcohol at receptions

Full dinner any time of the day/night

Being introduced at the beginning of the reception when the same introduction is used at the end of the ceremony

Getting married at the courthouse and then calling the renewal of vows party the same week/month/year the actual wedding

Cash gifts instead of using the registry that the couple actually needs/wants

I have also never been to a wedding with no alcohol although I wouldn't be mad if I went to one. I have been to weddings where I buy my own alcohol which also doesn't bother me at all.

Things that seem overdone but I have never seen: I also agree with the damask and the candy buffet. They seem EVERYWHERE but I have never seen one in real life. interesting.

Also, no one I know has done a destination wedding but they seem really big right now too.

@MandaMack: i thought the same thing!!  WHO has never been to a wedding without a dinner or bar??  I am just as incredulous as you are.  

@Ember78: i am so surprised you haven't seen those things!  i mean, that's normal.  99 times out of 100 a wedding is in the evening with a dinner and dancing reception and ALWAYS with a bar.  out of the 30 or so weddings ive been to i have never been to a dry one but yes, that is something that people generally moan about, and i can't say i blame them.  but i am with you about charging guests for something the couple can't afford, which, ironically, is always the bar!  never heard of it being done for anything else... but wow that is the biggest faux pas.  its SO tacky!  luckily i have never seen it done tho, there would have been a boycott!

as for things on your list that I did: out of town baskets, day after brunch, candy buffet, alcohol and dinner of course, the introduction of the couple at the reception (another very standard practice, but its also when the wedding party is introduced as well which does not happen at the ceremony), receiving cash gifts.  getting cash is great!  of course you can use it to fill out the registry, but you can use it for other things too.  we used ours to get a new bedroom set!  i have also seen all these things at other weddings, with the exception of the candy buffet.  i was the first in our circle to do that :)  we have also been to a few weddings when they had a small ceremony with just family but a larger reception with everyone else they know.  

OK, not to derail this thread, but I keep hearing the absolute shock from people who have never heard of a dry wedding, and the first thing that pops into my mind is that y'all must be fairly young and/or not from the South. And that's absolutely not meant in a snarky way at all! :-) It just reminds me of the time I told my 7 year-old daughter that we didn't have cell phones and iPods when I was her age and she looked at me like I was from a different planet. :-)

The OP was not exaggerating about dry weddings, and it's really not something that should blow your mind that much. No one in my family had ever had a wedding reception with alcohol until I got married the first time. (That was 10 years ago.) Same for the sit-down dinner. It just wasn't THAT common to have a sit-down dinner with a bar. Most weddings, as someone else posted, were at a church with a reception in the church's Great Hall, with punch and cake and cheese straws and buttermints. And...brace yourself...no one minded! :-) The reception wasn't about gettin' your drink on. (The churches kind of frowned upon that. ;-) )

But trends are changing and it IS more common to have a dinner and bar, even in the South. And that's why I think many of the posters here just haven't had much experience with the way they used to be done. (I, for one, love a dinner reception! My FI and I are definitely doing a cocktail hour, champagne toast (love the bubbly!), and plated dinner.)

I agree that the original poster seemed to be just commenting on some things that she has read about frequently and yet has never ever seen in real life.  I have a feeling that she's been to enough weddings that her list is a little amazing in some ways, and not at all surprising in others. 

I've gone to quite a few weddings in my lifetime with a wide variety of differences shown within the different weddings that I have gone too...

Things that I think are fairly common include....candle ceremonies, day after family brunches and small gifts of comfort for the out of town guests. 

She mentioned a dessert bar, but I'm more familiar with a Cookie table.  Tons of homemade cookies baked with tradition and love!

I don't know any brides who have decided to wear a reception gown. Normally they are partying until after midnight in their gown!  By partying... I mean that they are just dancing and celebrating the big event.  (Alcohol may or may not be served!)

is that a southern tradition?  hmmm... Kentucky must not be included in that since that's where the majority of the weddings I have been to were held and they were all great parties!  and i would consider KY part of the south, I am from OH.  but i also wanted to add that we did the sand ceremony and we have seen that as well as the candle ceremony many times.  i wouldn't say those are overdone tho, the candle ceremony is fairly traditional i think, it's always done in a church.  the sand is just a more recent interpretation since it gives the couple a momento they can keep for years.  although our sand vase was tipped on it's side by a certain MIL who apparently missed the entire point of the thing.  she was packing it up for me (which was nice) but in the process mixed all the sand up :(  so now the pattern that was created at our wedding ceremony (what we were supposed to keep and cherish) is no longer there.  i still have an internal conflict over this.  

@Miss Root:  Trust me the folks in the south love their alcohol at weddings!  :)  I've been to four weddings in GA and every single one of them had an open bar.    I actually thought it was the norm down here, maybe it varies by state and not necessarily region...

I have never been to a wedding with those flag pennet things that are all over the blogs these days. They remind me of a used car lot, and I would probably laugh if I saw them at a real-life wedding

Never seen a faux-to booth, or a photobooth with props. 

Never been to a wedding with a Groom's Cake, but FH is from Texas and says he had better have one!  

Never been to a wedding with signature drinks--I would rather just be able to drink whatever I want! 

I am from the deep South and I am nearly 40 and  have never seen a dry wedding.  It may be regional but it must be more specific than the South.  I have been to weddings in Texas, Louisiana, Florida, Virginia, Indiana, New York, New Jersey, Vermont, and California- perhaps other states that I can't think of right now. All served alcohol, and all served a meal of some sort- some were sit down, some buffet, some station/heavy hors d'oevres. For every wedding that I had to travel by plane (and not just drive an hour or two) I received an OOT bag in my hotel room. I have been to many day after breakfast/brunches.

I've personally only given a cash gift once (honeymoon registry) but I know from wedding I've attended it is traditional in some parts of the northeast and in Asian cultures.

I've seen a unity candle lit in every Catholic wedding I've attended-I would not call it a mini ceremony, just part of the ceremony.

The thing I keep seeing that is not very realistic is brides with very overdone makeup...but i assume that is for a thatrical effect in the ads/spreads.