(Closed) Things slowing down

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

All relationships have ups and downs.  Sometimes you don’t want to play twister.  My husband and I have been married one month and this past week we were stressed out with various different things and didn’t play twister for 5 days.  It’s not the end of the world.  I say you should set up date nights, that feel like when you weren’t married.  Be sure to make t hings fun and fresh.  Also, try not to stress about it.

Post # 4
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It definitely wont get old and stale if you keep doing it! Every single article I’ve read about "how to keep a marriage hot" says that the more you do it the more you want it. Although we’re not married yet, my FI and I started having sex about 3 months into our 3.5 year relationship. In the beginning it was all fireworks. Now it’s…good but we’re not where we were a few years ago. Like Chela said, all relationships go through ups and downs. The other day I went to cosmo.com (I don’t read the mag anymore, but the website has some good stuff) and looked into new positions. I definitely recommend it. Even if you just try 1 new thing a week or even month, it’s still something different. What about somewhere other than the bedroom? Or even just the shower! Sometimes all it takes is one new thing to rev things up again. FI and I have kind of an unspoken understanding that we do it pretty much every other day. It usually evens out to 3-4 times per week. Does that seem like something your husband could work with? I think it’s great that you’re trying to be proactive about keeping your Twister life a long and healthy one!

Post # 5
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Just suprise him with a new position or some new lingerie. If you do something a little out of the ordinary, it may jump-start him. We all go through dry spells, whether we’re stressed or not. I’m not married, and we’ve only been together 2 years, but we go through it.

My FI may act like he doesn’t want to, but I swear if I put on heels with the rattiest old nightgown, he totally changes gears. Small gestures sometimes get the biggest results.

Post # 6
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

hm…my guy says the same thing! and i kind of see where’s he’s coming from: when we hold back the anticipation grows and Twister is that much funner when we do play. One thing id do is not bring it up toooo much…i made that mistake and it totally kills the mood.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

this reminds me of a quote from Sex & The City "If the sex isn’t great,
it doesn’t help to say it’s not great. That’s usually a downer."

Now I know you aren’t saying it is great, its more of a quantity issue.  But I think talking about it might put more pressure on him and make him possibly less interested.  I think everyday just doesn’t last, but 3-4+ times a week should be ok (at least before kids!)  When you do play twister, do your part to make it more exciting for him – you know what makes him tick best 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

oh my, this is depressing me, since we hardly ever do…I so* can’t wait to be done with grad school (while working)  zzz

Post # 9
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

Our issue was timing.  He likes to play twister in the morning and I like twister in the middle of the day.  I always obliged his twister requests and he always turned me down.  Finally we had an open discussion about the fact that I am not always in the mood to play twister in the morning, but I let mysef try to be in the mood and usually that works.  He realized that if he just tried to be in the mood in the middle of the day, usually it would work for him too.  And we both took away the knowledge that it was ok to say no to twister every once in a while. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh man, I know what you mean about feeling like a total looser when he turns you down. It TOTALLY kills me when Boyfriend turns me down. Seriously, I get this inexplicable rush of emotions- it’s like being 15 and your crush turning you down when you ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance! Its irrational, but him turning me down leads me down this road of tinking all of these ridiculous things- he doesn’t think I’m attractive, he doesn’t want to marry me, why are we together, etc. I seriously go off the deep end, but I really try to keep it to myself. No need to let him know how crazy I really am, right?!

Anyway, I think the only thing you can do is communicate, communicate, communicate. Boyfriend knows that sometimes I need to "play twister" to feel less like a co-worker and room mate and more like a girlfriend. He’s also figured out that 20 mintues of Twister when he’s tired is better than me tossing and turning and being upset all night! Communicate!

Post # 11
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Maybe it would help if you saw Twister as an extension of all the other forms of intimacy in your relationship? The hubs and I try to be physical and tender with each other all the time as part of maintaining intimacy–cuddling while chatting about our day in bed, holding his free hand while he’s driving, friendly little bum taps while I’m making dinner….those little things help maintain the intimacy and spark of attraction in our relationship and that often leads to a good game of Twister! It also means that during periods where we just aren’t up to playing, we don’t feel distant.  I’m not saying you should force yourself to be a PDA junkie, but if for me, it works best not to divide your "Twister life" from the rest of your life. 

The topic ‘Things slowing down’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors