Post # 1
This weekend, I was chatting with some of guy friends about a mutual female friend’s wedding, and one told me that he wasn’t planning on going. The wedding is on a Friday at 5pm, and he said he didn’t want to take off work for it. He is more of an acquaintance to her than a friend, so I understood that one. Then, another guy chimed in that he’s going to the wedding, but he’s not happy about it because he’ll need to leave work a little early, and he’s planning to leave as soon as dinner is over at the reception, an idea he got from another mutual female friend who is also invited to the wedding. Their plan is to then go out to a bar nearby and continue drinking/hanging out there.
When I asked why they were planning to cut out early, the response was a) we don’t think she should be marrying him, b) they are having a cash bar, and c) we aren’t that close to her, anyway.
I almost couldn’t believe this. First, let’s address point b – the cash bar. Aren’t they going to have to pay money to drink at a bar, anyway? Second, points a and c – they don’t think she should be getting married and they don’t feel that close to her. Then why go at all?? If you really aren’t that close and you disagree with the wedding in general, then just RSVP that you can’t make it. It makes me feel bad for her that these people who she cared enough about to invite them to such a momentous occasion in her life are thinking such negative thoughts, and are basically just using her for a free meal.
Then, in my crazy bride mind, I started to worry that some of our guests will do the same thing…come to the wedding but think negatively about the marriage itself, and basically only come to get free food & booze. I don’t really think any of our guests will be doing that, but who really knows?
Anyone else worried about this? What do you worry that people will be thinking at your wedding?
Post # 3
Well, due to religious reasons, we had a very small ceremony that only family could attend and had a big reception afterwards for everyone. I was very worried that people who don’t understand my religion thought we were purposely excluding them from the ceremony, which wasn’t the case at all. That was really my only worry.
Post # 4
Wow, sorry she wasted the invitation on them. I think there will always be people like that when you invite them. They live in their own little world and everything only effects them. I’m not worried about it. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to come. So don’t worry about them and enjoy your wedding.
Post # 5
meh I don’t think any of that is unreasonable.
cash bar at THIER wedding vs. bar of choice (bar of choice takes the cake)
as for cutting out after dinner? lots of people do that.
Post # 6
Lame. I can get wasted at a bar of my choice any day of the week but I only have one chance to get wasted at a particular friends wedding with a bunch of friends. I personally think they’re assholes.
Post # 7
I used to worry people would think that I was making a mistake because my fiance had to leave grad school due to depression and had been unemployed for awhile. But since he got a job last month, that fear has gone away. Whew!!
Now my only fear is that people will think it’s boring because there’s no dancing. 😛
Post # 8
Well, you can’t always please everyone all the time. But I think it would have been wiser for the couple to consider their guest list first. If you or your family aren’t close to certain people, don’t invite them. I think the people who really matter to you both will be excited to go, no matter what is served or when.
Post # 9
@Bubu82: Ugh. How sad 🙁
I’m worried about guests thinking about no hard alcohol, a 45 minute drive from ceremony to reception and that my crowd is to old to get on the dance floor :-/
Post # 10
i dont have an issue with them choosing to go spend their money at a bar elsewhere, i dont like cash bars and i dont even drink booze – i wouldnt invite guests to an event and expect them to pay
i have been at a wedding where we were taking bets at our table to guess how long the marriage would last for – we attended to support hubbys buddy, even though we didnt support his choice in bride. btw, the marriage lasted less than a year
Post # 11
@Heatherloveskenny: People will surprise you. Some of the older crowd at my wedding were getting jiggier with it on the dance floor than my friends!
@Bubu82: That sucks. If I didn’t support someone’s marriage or didn’t feel close enough to them to want to attend their wedding, I would RSVP “no” and send a card. I wouldn’t go for the free food and then go drinking elsewhere acting like everyone else was some sort of sucker for staying longer.
Post # 12
It’s true people will judge you and have lots of negative things to say about your wedding – to you andbehind your back. But, who really cares? Not me 🙂 MY wedding was fabulous and yours will be too! Screw all those other people hehehe
Post # 13
Im worried that people will see my red,black, and white damask theme and roll their eyes thinking oh geez thats original. Also I am worried they are going to be pissed about the 3 hour gap between ceremony and reception.
Post # 14
I’m worried that people won’t have fun, or think the decor looks stupid. My number one fear is that we run out of alcohol and that people will talk.
I have been to a wedding before though where I thought the bride was making a huge mistake (and she knew I thought this) but went anyway because I support her and wanted to be there for her, even though I thought the marriage was a crock.
Post # 15
I have no control over what people will think and I’m not going to waste any effort worrying about it. Human nature being what it is, you know everyone is gonna have an opinion (neutral, negative or positive) so I just assume 50% will be okay with whatever we are choosing to do; 40% won’t care either; 5% will think its best thing since sliced bread and 5% will hate it. Me and FI however will be 100% happy that we did things our way, and thats what matters. Honestly, the only two areas where my guest thoughts remotely enter my mind is that food is good and the music is popping, but I already know SOMEONE will have issues with it, so what can you.
Post # 16
That is a good point about the cash bar, they’re leaving to pay more money at another bar!
I’m nervous about the cash bar for ours… we are having one but are doing an open bar for an hour that includes even top shelf… which is like $1,500 (a lot!) then the cash bar… I feel bad people will have to pay, but I am worried that since it’s on a Sunday and it’s an early wedding that spending like $4,000 on an all night open bar would be a waste, I mean I guess people would drink more if it’s free but I just can’t see blowing that kind of money… a lot of people seem to complain about the cash bars…
I just think of that Dr seuss quote, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. I know it’s for the guests but it’s just way too damn much for liquor!! 🙁 Can’t bring our own in, just no way around it really.