Think he's cheating on me, advice needed please.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

The secrecy of the phone…. that’s a really big tip-off. I dated two guys in a row (that’s right, TWO) who were dating me at the same time as another girl, and both did this ALL the time. 

Does he typically have female friends? I mean, I’ve gone out to dinner with my guy friends on weekends when my FI isn’t around (mind you, most of them of gay and pose no threat, but still.) I want to be optimistic and think: okay, maybe he’s put lock on his phone because he’s planning a proposal or something…

I’m the type that would say (ahd has said): “Look… my co-worker told me she saw you at dinner when I was away last weekend. It’s not a big deal, but, you didn’t mention anything to me, and you can imagine where my mind took me. That, and you’ve recently put a lock on your phone and deleting texts…. can you see where my mind is going? Please just reassure me that I’m being crazy.”

Once I said that to the guy(s), they reassured me and everything was peachy. But soon after, they stopped being intimate, they got really snappy and angry with me… and then I found an email open on their laptop. Both times, I kid you not. Cheaters have a pattern, and sadly, I dated two that fit the stereotype perfectly. I hope for your sake that he’s not cheating, because I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on ANYONE. Good luck, and I really hope it all turns out for the better.

 

Post # 4
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

From past experience, I’m going to recommend going with your gut. There’s a few ways to go about it…. you could ask him outright, and see what he says. You could ask her about it. Both however, may have many reasons to lie. Do you have access to his bank statements or credit card statements? Would the restaurant be on there? If he’s locking his phone suddenly. he’s def up to something shady. 

Or you could set him up. Go “out of town” over night. Have a friend’s car trail him. See where he goes and who he goes with. Mabe a bit extreme… but better than being passive. 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would hire a private investigator and get all the facts first. I would want to know for sure before exacting my revenge on him confronting him. That’s just me though… Everything you’re describing could be a cheating partner. Or it could be something else – who knows. It’s impossible to speculate here on a message board and worrying about it will just make it worse. Get the facts straight, and then you can decide how you want to deal with him it.

Post # 7
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Always go with your gut, it will not stear you in the wrong direction. If you think something is going on, out of the norm, it probably is. It may not be full on cheating yet, but may develop into cheating or lead to a breakup. I am the investigative type, before making any comments I would monitor his behavior, where is he going, how much money is he spending, a BIG tip OFF: IS HE BUYING NEW CLOTHES? — if he has not recently lost/gained a bunch a weight guys generally do not like to buy clothing, unless he is the pre-madonna/model type which I am thinking he is not – clothing was the tip off for a friend of mines boyfriend, who had started an emotional affair with his BF Girlfriends friend – confusing, but go with your gut. I hope everything checks out ok. Wink

Post # 8
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kait_anne:  Ya look at the bank account girl. I am serious, just check it out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right now you need some proof of his innocence to clear your head.

Post # 9
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HappySky7:  This is a great idea – the switch cars, to one he wouldn’t recognize and steak out your place for goings on.

Post # 10
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How about you just ask him about the dinner and see what he says rather than creating conspiracy theories on very little proof. Jumping from dinner with a friend/colleague to he is cheating is not a good thing and think how you would feel if he did the same to you?

He may not have mentioned the dinner because it was work related and not important to him. And the phone lock and deleting messages could be a hundred things from soemthing confidential with one of his buddies to communicating with a jeweller.

Post # 13
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m sorry. Definitely talk to him.

Post # 14
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@kait_anne:  hmm, if it is out of the norm, it is a flag. I don’t know if it’s a red flag or yellow flag, but if it is different from what you normally see him doing, (new behavior) – I don’t want you to get too panicked. This could all be harmless, but the phone lock thing is what is bothering me the most. I don’t understand what he would have to hide. I am just wondering – How long have you been together? How old are you/him? Do you live together? If yes, for how long?

Post # 15
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@j_jaye:  Oh come on now! Who has dinner with an opposite sex worker while their partner is out of town, and then doesn’t tell their partner about it?

OP, do you share a phone plan? With many phone plans you can go look at the account on the internet, and there is a record of all numbers phoned and texted, even if they are deleted on the phone.

Post # 16
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@kait_anne:  Have you never changed your hairstyle? If you go looking for things that could mean something then you are going to convince yourself you found them.

 

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