Weddingbee boards

Ah.. where do I begin?

MOH is my cousin, we've been saying, "When I get married, you're my MOH" since we were practically newborns. So she got the job over even my best friends.

MOH has personality issues, she is very standoffish, puts up walls, is mean to cover up the chance of being vulnerable, and is very easily offended (to which she responds with a "mega bitch" attitude), but she's my cousin, my MOH, and I love her.

Wedding is July 3rd, shower AND bach party are May 22.

I have been encouraging her to speak with the 5 other BM's about shower details, I want them all to be involved and for the most part, they want to be involved too. We are running out of time and the 5 other girls have NO IDEA what is happening for the shower.

I gave MOH my addresses and enclosures for registires about 4 weeks ago, I said, "Intives really should be out like, the 2nd week in April. She told me almost 2 weeks ago (2 weeks after I gave her the information) that she was sending them out. Then I did not get an invite so I called to investigate. She said she was sick and didn't get a chance to do it. So I said take care of yourself and do it when you feel better, ask BM-1 (who is friends with MOH) to help you address envelopes. Last Saturday she said she had them all put together, but needed to get stamps and she'd mail them Monday, "So you'll have it on Tuesday". It's now Friday and I no one has their shower invits yet. The shower is now less than 1 month away. She also never got help from BM-1 to address.

I have been telling her for over a month to facebook all the girls to discuss details, and see how much $ people can pitch in to help, but no one has heard from her. I've casually told her 4-5 times that everyone is willing and wants to help. A few days ago, she asked me, "Is uh.. everyone gonna help me pay for this stuff?" and I said, "YES. They are all WAITING for you to tell them what you need from them". She was concerned she would "come off rude" if she asked them for money. I said I would help her write something up if she needed to, if she's concerned about sounding rude. That was Sunday. She still has not spoken with the girls.

BM-2 called her to say, "Heyyy it's a month away, I want to help, give me a call back so we can talk about what I can do to help". MOH never returned her call.

I was with BM-3, who said she had not heard from MOH, so I said, "BM-3 said she hasn't heard from you, you haven't emailed the girls yet?". MOH replied, "I told you I don't have internet at home and can only do it in spare time at work" (She is a secretary in a hospital). So I'm like, "Well can you call them?". She said she would and that she only needed BM-3 and BM-4's numbers. She already obviously has BM-2's number b/c BM-2 called her, but she just neglected to return her call.

MOH does not even return my calls, and texting/emailing her regarding this is a hit or miss- sometimes she replies and sometimes she ignores it. If I were in her position, I would maybe take my lunch break at work to email the girls and get the collaboration started. As again, we are only one. month. away.

The other girls are getting annoyed, because they don't know what's happening and want to be involved, and some of them don;'t make much $, so they aren't going to have alot of time to come up with however much $ they will need. I am becomming FURIOUS because I feel like planning this is not important to MOH at all. The shower is at her house, so no one else can really step in and take over.

Also, MOH is supposed to be figuring out who will be staying in our hotel room for the bachelorette party so she can book the room and get money from everyone for that. The room is not booked. BM-5 made a facebook page for the party, which was really helpful. I'm thinking of asking her to take over the bach party since MOH is dropping the ball.

I just don't know what to do, if I confront her (even as maturely as I possibly can- and I am a counselor, so I know I would be able to do it well) she would become very defensive and be super offended. I don't know what to do! I shouldn't be this involved but I cannot stop being anxious about it. Does anyone have any advice for me?

:(

That sounds pretty terrible.  She is really just not being there for you.  She took on the responsibility of being your MOH and is really not following through.  You shouldn't have to tell her over and over again who to contact and the next thing to do.  I am sure your wedding isn't the most important thing in her life, but she could be a little more proactive.  Especially if your other girls are so anxious to help.  I would really say something to her.  It's probably a little late to change plans for your bridal shower and bach party.  But something needs to happen.  I don't know if it should be a demotion or not necessarily having a set MOH at all.

If she has been like this so far, I don't think her attitide or excitedness to jump in and get things done will really change on your wedding day.  So, that is something you should think about.

I have a close friend that I have known since middle school that sounds similar.  She's standoffish and doesn't really talk to people that she doesn't know very well.  And for that and other reasons, I never asked her to be in my wedding party.  Being in a wedding party is more than just standing next to the bride during the ceremony and you deserve to have girls with you that are taking stress away from you, not adding to it!  Good luck!

I would love it if the other girls would just take it over, but I'm worried about them stepping on MOH's feet, only because the shower is at her house. How can they possibly plan it without her?

Would emailing all of them together and saying- I am out of this, it's all up to you guys, I really don't want to hear another word about it!- be a good idea? I definitely agree with the bees who say I shouldn't be this involved, and I also agree with them that not being involved would make my life alot less stressful right now- when I have so many other things to worry about.

I feel like I have to at least initiate the conversation for MOH before backing out though.

I just really don't want a crappy party, BM-5 said it was ok to not want to have a crappy party b/c of MOH.

...bump

It's weird because it's like- not that she wants to take charge of everything (like the other BM's are starting to think), but that she is too lazy to do anything herself, or too lady to ask the other girls for help. I don't care if she can't do it, or doesn't want to because there are other people that do want to! But at the rate she is going, everything is going to crash and burn. That would make me very sad.

I will think about that too, Brianalaura. The BM that MOH is friends with does not know much about weddings- this is the frist wedding mostly all of them have been in :p

I will consider that. I am on my way to BM-2's house tonight so maybe we can come up wth something. I'm glad you're looking past your sister's MOH's rudeness to make sure she has an awesome shower. That is awesome!